I've been thinking about blogging for quite some time. It's been a busy week, and I just feel broke down. A line from Whitney Houston's I Look To You comes to my mind, "My levees are broken/My walls have come tumbling down on me/The rain is falling/Defeat is calling/I need you to set me free.." My regular life is going well. but school is extremely stressful. I had two tough midterms and a million and one assignments do. I don't want to hear the word lab ever again. I desperately wish I could study something easy and just get a degree in English or whatever, but what will I do the rest of my life when I have no job? I know that not having money isn't working for me now. I hate it.
The other day I heard a conversation about boots. People were talking about how fake leather books look so cheap, and they would rather spend the extra money to get real leather boots. This was at the same time I was wearing fake leather boots. It didn't get to me, because I can't afford fake leather boots. That is way above and beyond my means. I'm realizing that some of these things just aren't a possibility. I desperately wanted to get my hair done. It would cost me $250 dollars to do what I need to do. Only other black people understand my pain. No one else has to spend that much for anything they do with their hair. I hear the screams of go natural, but that's not what I want to do. My natural hair is a pain in the ass, and unless you will come and come through it for hours upon hours every morning I'm not doing it. Sometimes it just feels like the standards are set so high. It sounds like I'm whining. These are all first world problems. At least I have water and electricity, a loving family and good friends. I'm just worn out. This is the real world. You get a paycheck and it all goes to pay bills. You're half asleep every where you go hoping that one day it will be worth it. You will get that dream job, car, or whatever ti is you've been hoping for.
Yesterday, someone was speaking about how they believe sorrow and joy go together. You've all heard the saying that you can't know joy if you haven't experienced sorrow. It's true. Being down in the dump makes you realize and appreciate the days filled with laughter and crazy memories even more. Its been three days since I wrote the first two paragraphs of this blog. A few hours after, I was way more light and upbeat. I'm officially on spring break. There's absolutely nothing better. I have a week away from classes. I will use it to catch up on work and make up this speech about myself I'm terrified to give. It has to be fifteen minutes long, and I have absolutely no idea what to say to fill up the time. In the meantime though, I get the chance to think about me. Who I am, where I want to go, and the dreams and failures that formed all of this. The joyful moments and sorrow filled ones that made me realize the important things I've been looking forward to in the first place.
Yesterday, I was having a conversation at a restaurant with a friend. A stranger overheard and gave me his two cents. He told me to take a risk and talk to my Tuesday/Thursday crush. For those of you who don't know, my Tuesday/Thursday crush is this guy I've seen for about thirty seconds a couple times a week. We've never spoken or anything, but I always feel that spark. I'd like to think of that stranger as my guardian angel. Right place, right time. Telling me to put on my best dress, and be fearless. T- Swift style. So, in true first world style, I decided to splurge on the hair and the new outfit. It would be silly not to listen to the wise man at the burger stand now wouldn't it?
Song of the day: Mirrors by Justin Timberlake : This is my jam!! I am listening to this all the time. And those rough days when it was 7:35, and I didn't want to be going to class. It put the smile on my face and gave me the burst of energy that I need. It's the classic JT i've come to love over the years. Listen to it!
Quote of the Day :
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