"Do you ever feel already burried deep/6ft under screams but no one seems to hear a thing/Do you know that theres still a chance for you..."

Hi Everyone!
Hope your all having a great weekend. I don't know about you but I feel like this weekend flew by. I spent a lot of my weekend contemplating. I think too much. And I'm not talking about Albert Einstien thinking too much, I mean like my brain is always thinking about where I am, where I want to be, who I am, who I want to be, hopes & fears, and that sliver of my brain thats always thinking Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber (imagine that to the tune of Black and Yellow). So I figured i'd share what I was thinking with all of you.

Where I am: In life right now i'm at a pretty good place. I'm doing decent in school but i'd like to do better. I'm excelling in piano. On a happy scale i'd be about a 6 on a daily basis just because i'm starting to hate school. I like myself and started realizing I like myself. I have not many friends I feel like I can count on, maybe 3 max but most of the time its just one and thats not the most convinent friendship.Some people just bug me,therefore i'm distancing myself from them and theres less negativity.I feel alone sometimes, but my family and God are the rocks in my life that are always there so I'm never really alone. And I have yet to study for the ACT

Where I want to Be: I want to have studied a million hours for the ACT and be prepared to ace it. I want to make straight A's, not A minuses in the picture. I want to kick butt at piano. I want to spend less time on my iphone stalking JB's twitter and more time reading, writting, and working on musical things. I want to be a genuinly good person. No talking behind peoples back, always having peoples best intrests at heart, and being ok with some peoples version of happy even if I don't agree with it. In a more long time future, I want to find someone that really lights up my world, some guy I can really relate too and have heart to hearts with. I want to be a pharmasist. I want to be very fashionable, no mom jeans for me EVER. I want to have 5 friends I can really count on. Yup, just 5. 5 people who I know actually care about me, and that I can relate with.

Who I Am: I'm a decent person. I haven't ever physically hurt someone but i've emotionally hurt people and thats not cool. I go through life in kind of a blur state and don't take everything in. I'm a decent listener and a decent friend when I want to be. I'm obsessed with fame. Finding it, and watching it live out of t.v. I'm stuborn and don't like it when people disagree with me, especially when I know i'm right. I hang on to crushes where i'm head over heels and their not for way to long. I'm fatter then I want to be (why beat around the bush?) But I like my teeth, thank you orthidontist!

Who I want to be: I want to talk about people behind their backs less, and not be so sensitive to every negative comment headed my way. I want to be courageous and able to mean new people. I want to be fearless and taking in every moment of life. I want to weight like 20 pounds less, and I want to laugh more. I used to laugh all the time, but sometimes latley it seems like I have nothing to laugh about. I want to be better at hiding my distaste when some people have opinions other then my own. And I want to be me, all the time. No fakeness.

Hopes & Fears: I already talked about my hopes but my new fear is going off to college and my family living life without me. I don't know why thats so terrible to me but I always want to feel like a part of my family. And I'm connected to them so its weird for me to think about going off somewhere and being all alone. I'm really scared of ending up friendless, loveless, and familyless. Thats my huge fear.

And that justin bieber sliver: He looked so hot in that US magazine issue I flipped through, I would kill to be selena gomez right now.

Anyways thats kind of a summerized version of where I am in life right now. I hope your all in a good place. I'm reading Janet Jacksons book True You right now and hopefully i'll find myself more by reading through her journey to finding herself.

song of the day: Firework by Katy Perry

quote of the day: The only person that can define you, change you, or affect you in any significant way is yourself

"This is my destiny...I will never say never"

I wanna take a quick second to give a shout out to Justin Bieber new movie NEVER SAY NEVER! I saw it twice in the last weekend, and loved it way more the second time. I purposely went at an awkward time with my cousin the second time so we could sing along and have the theater all to ourselves. It was a really great movie. This isn't just a movie for the mob of teenage girls that are head over heals in love with Justin (proud member of this mob), its for all people. Its an inspirational story about how hard work can take you to an unbelievable level of success. It goes through Justin's whole life and shows this little two year old boy drumming like someone who's been practicing his whole life. Justin Bieber is so blessed, no one has yet to achieve what he has. I'm not just saying this, L.A. Reid who's produced most of hollywood said he's never seen anything like this. A sixteen year old boy who can do what justin can only happens once in a lifetime.

There's lots of fans being interviewed in the movie, cute moments of Justin and his sexy canadian friends. We see him playing basketball, we get to hear from his family and his old teachers. There's just lots of cute funny stories PLUS its in 3D. Its great fun and I would suggest you all go see it :)

"Can you feel this magic in the air/It must have been the way you kissed me/I fell in love when I saw you standing there/Today was a fairy tale"

Hello World!
How are you? I know this is late but HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. Just because I didn't send say this on the 14th and send each and every one of you faithful five some roses doesn't mean I love you any less :) Valentines day can be a great day for some, and a terrible day for others. This year I was in the middle. I spent my sixteenth year without a valentine and I was pretty ok with that. It would have been nice to get roses, I like flowers but I didn't give any guys anything either. My brother was adorable though, he's still little and he told this girl in his class that he liked her. For elementary school thats as far as it will go but I'm glad she felt special. Love is in the air, the birds were chirping this morning and it was literally 60 degrees her where I live. I've been enjoying the weather, but i'm still not really in the mood for summery clothes.

Anyways, getting back on the topic of valentines day, you want to know why I enjoyed mine? Because I had a fantastic 3D guy for my valentine. He goes by the name of Justin Drew Bieber. :) Yes, I went to see his movie Never Say Never! It was a really really really great movie. The whole thing was recorded over ten days. There are some fun scenes where he's just chilling with his friends and family being a normal guy, there are other parts where he's performing at different arenas, and they show the most adorable childhood videos of him. He was the cutest little boy ever. You just don't want the movie to end. Its truly inspirational, the movie shows that if you work hard nothing and no one can stop you. Justin's worked really hard and this movie shows that. It shows him with the fans, and the down sides of being a celebrity (tired most of the time, barley ever get to see your friends & family). Its all in all a good movie and i'd suggest to anyone. I went with my mom and she adored it. If your on twitter everyones been talking about it. You should just go check it out, i'm going to see it again tomorrow :)

If you were alone this valentines day and bummed about it, don't be. There's a person for everyone out there and one day your person will come. I promise they'll be worth the wait. :)

song of the day: Today was a fairytale by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Love is on sale. Look around you on Valentines DAy. Every retailer is cashing in on the Valentines day circus (very true, but I think its nice that once a year people express how they feel to one and other. Here it goes from me. I love you guys!)

"It's a quarter after one/I'm all alone and I need you now" song & record of the year

Grammy Awards ceremony started with a bang in the year 2011. I had many predictions on what would happen this year and one of them included Eminem opening up the grammy show then winning 10 out of the ten grammy's he was nominated for. Neither thing happened. The show was opened by christina Aguleria, Jennifer Hudson, Martina McBride, Yolanda Adams, and Florence singing a ton of different Aretha Franklin songs. They all have fabulous voices but i'd say the performance overall was just ok. The next performance of the night was by Lady Gaga, who ofcourse did the crazy thing and came out of the egg. The performance was decent but not my favorite of the night...

My favorite performances of the night are a five way tie. I'll list them in the order they appeared on the show:
1. I absolutely loved B.o.B., Bruno Mars, and Janelle Monae (who apparently is from KC) performing together. If you have yet to see that performance you need too! They sounded SO good. B.o.B. and Bruno mars did nothing on you together while janelle did background vocals, Then Bruno Mars did his own soul filled version of Grenade which was fab, then Janelle Monae made me stand up and start dancing with a great song of hers i'd never heard of.

2. My second favorite performance was amazing because it was both my future husbands (they will share me) performing TOGETHER. If was Justin Bieber, Usher Raymond, and Jaden Smith. It started with Usher and Justin reliving their history together then justin did a tiny little bit of the acoustic version of baby. Then Usher left while Justin and Jaden did a kick butt performance of Never Say Never, then Usher came out and did OMG and Justin actually sang along with him and they did this awesome dance move where they switch places and froze at the end. I LOVED IT! Usher and Justin were SO cute. And Jadens parent's were so into his performance, it was adorable.

3. Eminem & Rihanna Love the Way You Lie was one of the most fantastic songs i've ever heard. Imagine it live, it was awesome. Must I say anymore. After this performance Eminem broke off and did I need a Doctor which is a great song, with Dr. Dre. Great performance

4. Rihanna performed twice last night, and Drake performed Whats My Name with her the second time. It is just such a good song! I loved, loved, loved it. And Drake was getting all romantic and really into it with his killer smile. It was a nice one.

5. Katy Perry blew me away with her voice once again. She started off doing a slower song while she was on a swing and on the background she flashed videos from her romantic wedding on a sheet. It was the sweetest thing. Then she picked everything up and performed Teenage Dream.

Those were my top five performances of the night.

Recap of important awards:
Song of the Year: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
Record of the Year: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
Album of the year: Can't say I know, it was a crazy rock group that gave me a headache
Rap Album of the Year: Eminem's Recovery
Best New Artist: Esperanza Spalding

Now I know what your wondering, how on earth did Eminem not win album of the year and What is an esperanza? I'll answer both questions. For the first one, the grammy comitee is just hating on Eminem because he made a GREAT album. For the second one, we all know Justin Bieber should have won. All night long I was thinking his big competition was drake. But it turned out it was the afro lady I needed to worry about. No ones ever heard of her, two days ago she only had 5,000 twitter followers. She's seriously an up and coming jazz singer. But NO ONE CARES! Thats why I think Justin or Drake should have one. If we're comparing stats Justin sold way more albums and concerts then Drake did therefore he should be the winner. Those two awards were rigged and thats all I have to say about it.

"Don't Be a Drag Just Be a Queen" - Lady Gaga born this way

The Grammy's 2011 were pretty awesome. You've got to understand I love the grammy's. Do you all have a favorite t.v. show? Imagine if it only came out once a year. That would suck wouldn't it? Well thats what I have to go through, but every year around the 2nd week in february the Grammies never let me down. I'm going to being with fashion talk.

Our generation is pretty crazy. We've got girls like Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj who outbeat each other when it comes to weirdness. I have to say Lady Gaga won this battle. She showed up to the red carpet in a semi truck. Everyone else came in limos but gaga came in a semi. Taped to the semi was a sign saying talent. Then suddenly these men dressed like Greek Gods pull out a gigantic egg and carry it up high above the heads of the people (pictures below). And down the red carpet comes lady gaga in the egg. Crazy right? Ryan Secrest got an exclusive interview but Gaga herself didn't talk. "Her people" said that she was in a state of pre-birth and she was like a fetus in the egg resting up to be born again on stage. Catchy right, her single is called Born This Way (and it sounds weirdly like madonna's Express Yourself). Lady Gaga's entrance made history, and made Nicki Minaj's outfit look normal. Justin Bieber talked about her entrance on a late night show and was like, "People say that it was supposed to be artistic, but i'm like your in an egg!". I agree with justin.





The rest of the people at the grammy's looked beautiful and handsome as usual. Check out some pics of my favorites:

"I never thought that I could take the burn/I never had the strength to take it higher/Until I reached the point of no return"

Hey!
I'm going to talk about three big events that happened not in my life but in the life of the world. The first is the superbowl. Are all the green bay people happy? I totally guessed that they were gonna win, I didn't get to watch cause I was auditioning all day but I know thats a huge thing for people all over America. The beginning is always the national anthem and eveyrone thought it was gonna be great since Christina Aguleria is singing it and she has such a big voice. Well, she screwed up the words. What is it with artists? I know all the words, this is your country you should have pride. You think kim jon ill would let that happen in north korea? jk. What I did watch though, was the halftime show. It was fabulous! They haven't had anyone young or hip do the show sing poor Janet Jacksons wordrobe malfunction.

They had the black eyed peas performing and they put on a grea tshow. A lot of people said they weren't the best vocally but it they had cool heart beating effects and played all their hits including: I got a feeling, Boom Boom Pow, Where is the love, Lets get it started, & the time (dirty bit). It was fun, and Usher made an apperence to perform OMG with Will.I.Am (fav part). Then slash came out to play sweet child o' mine for fergie and that was an awesome duo. It was a really nice performance, you know for a music artist performing at the super bowl is a humongeous deal. Michael Jacksons superbowl performance is legendary, as is princes, so the black eyed peas joined big names.

Yesturday, someting big for teenage girls happened. Justin Bieber's never say never premire in LA. It was a huge deal for starters because only two movies have been able to open up at the Nokia Theaters. Only two, they only use it for big premires. That was Michael Jacksons This Is It, and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Both of those movies ended up breaking records in the box office. It was a star studded event. Justin's favorite color is purple so a lot of people wore purple, and they had a purple carpet instead of a red carpet. His whole family except his dad was there. And lots of celebs showed up. Will Smith showed up with Jayden Willow and his wife, Chris Brown went, Miley Cyrus went, The Dream, all the disney stars, Rico from modern family, Usher and his two adorable stylish suns, and Selena Gomez. She was the last to arrive for starters, and the two weren't seen together at all. I don't know why their being so secretive about this but their a cute couple. Everyone go see never say never on friday night or sometime this next week. Its gotten great reviews, its not just a concert movie. It should be great.

The third event I'm going to keep brief, we all know about the revolts going on in Egypt. Egypt is technically a democracy but the same guy with the same administration have been in office for forever. They've had enough with the corruption and their standing up to the government saying they want to see a change. Its actually really cool and a nice political story to follow :)


Song of the day: Never Say Never by Justin Bieber ft. Jayden Smith

quote of the day: Don't let the fear of stricking out keep you from playing the game - Cinderella Story (with Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray)

"Pretty Pretty Please/Dont you ever ever feel like your less then f--cking perfect"

Hello.
I've missed you all, very much. This last month of my life has been crazy weird. I spent the last month rehersing like crazy to make my high school "talent show" thats simply for singing. I found out today that only one of my groups made it, so I basically wasted the last month of my life. At first I thought I would cry, but you can say that i'm used to dissapointment. I work really hard on a lot of things and they just don't work out. I guess you can say i'm pretty unlucky. I try to make myself feel better by reminding myself that a lot of people just want a nice family and good health and I have that but it still doesn't make all theses no's and rejections feel any better.

This month I also got over prince. Yup, that same prince I spent the whole history of this blog praising and adoring. I wasted my time on that one too but I honestly don't blame him. If I were him I woulden't love me either. I know it sounds like I have low self-esteem, i'm not i'm just honest with myself. I never really talked to him, I was pretty akward when he was around, and we never really had the oppurtunity to get to know each other and click. Not to mention I'm not what I should be. I'm not exactly the fitting "perfect american girl". I feel fat, because i'm bigger then a lot of people. I'm short, and I have values so I'm not easy. Guys like easy, fun, flirty types and thats just not me. You have to break through my "facade" that I built to protect myself from the wrong people, and rejection in order to actually see who I am. Sometimes I wonder if i'll always be alone... Oh well, I'd rather be alone then treated like i'm not even there. I totally tweeted him trying to start something, being friendly and he just ignored me like he was the king and I was a peasent. Fuck that! (Excuse my lanuage). I don't deal with that kind of treatment.

A lot of female singers have been writting these self empowerment songs and their totally right. We shoulden't let guys treat us like we're nothing. Even if their as "perfect" as I made prine sound in all these blogs. No ones worth you feeling like a nothing. Absolutley no one. Us girls deal with so much, and guys feel like its ok to treat us that way. We need to stand up to that kind of stuff and show that we won't be held down or made to feel unworthy of anyone or anything. Which brings me to the song of the day...

song of the day: f--king perfect by Pink (Great song, don't let the f word turn you away)

quote of the day: Fly like a butterfly, Sting like a bee