Ok, so I suck. I didnt write in like a month and a half. So much has happnened to me its not even funny. The last day of being a freshman in high school seems so far away. But so close at the same time. Its safe to say im not ready to be in 10th grade at freestate. I am far from it. But during the time I didnt write I saw a chunk of the world. I went to europe. France and Spain. It was amazing, everything was so beautiful. From the 300 euro marc jacobs shoes to the eiffel tower in france. I swam in the medeteranian, saw more landmarks and popular tourtist attractions then I saw popular, and saw the hottest guys in the face of the planet. I loved it. It went by fast and I missed home a little bit but I felt on top of the world. The vespas everywhere, Crepes in paris it was just all so sureal and once again far away. It seems like I am buzzing through life and the moments that should mean so much are here and gone. I dont like. And not just cause half of my summer is already gone and it reallly sucks. Its just that I feel like my days of being a kid are limited. My days of having that childhood feeling of not a worry in the world are all gone. Im barley hanging on. Now the king of pop, michael jackson died about a week ago. And when he died I realized how kick butt his songs are and how maybe I was wrong to listen to the mj jokes and read the tabloids with fake oxagen tank storys and such. But after watching some interviews about him I realized that maybe part of the reason he succeeded to be so much more than anyone really in the music industry way that 1. he never lost his childhood spirit. hes a few years older than my dad but he went on amusment park rides and was an ice cream fanatic. He was more intrested in stuff that my brother is than my dad whos closer in age. In the bible theres a verse that I know by heart and ive known and liked since I was like ten. The verse is "Let the children come to me and do not hinder them because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these" and jesus said that while in the first century while children were trying to come up to him and talk and see jesus. I mean come on who wouldent want too. And people were telling them to leave because they were being loud and annoying you know being kids. And what I believe he meant when he said that was children are innocent and full of spirit. They have the courage to do what So many adults cant. They apolagize when they've done something wrong and really mean it. They can make friends with almsot anyone without once thinking oh look hes fat, or eww what is he wearing or just all kinds of stuff that we all see first. Children see everyone as people and dont care about the little things that young adults on care about. There is so much blocking peoples veiw and getting in the way of how life should really be that most of the time we dont enjoy it. And when people, like michael jackson do they get called names like wacko jacko or you know pedafiles and such. Now im not saying pedophiling and doing certin things are ok because their just getting in with the spirt within them and being children but im saying that maybe we all as a society should stop caring so much about the little things and look at the big picture. Your soulmate might be out there running around in a dark vador suit with a bunch of pimples and gigantor glasses and if you dont get to know people because of how they look or how other people see them then you never mean your soulmate who should always bring out the best in you. And if they do the opposite then their not right. I've come to realize i've had crushes on a lot of boys who dont make me confortable or that i would care to spend the rest of my life with. And when you look at the big picture thats what its all about. Finding the true love of your life. So many people date in high school simply for plessures or showing off. And im not saying its bad but its living in the small picture. The whole point of all of it is to find the one your willing to love forever. You other half. And I realized this while watching (suprise, suprise) one tree hill. Haley and Nathen may not be the most exciting characters in the whole thing but you see them slowly learn to look at the big picture over the seasons and it teaches you a lot about life. Maybe im seeing it all wrong but idk. the funny thing is I was sitting watching tv and remembered my blog signed on and started writing and I learned stuff about myself while doing it. I think im starting to get the whole point of a blog of a journal. Its writing your thoughts down and helping you understand them along with the whole rest of the world ofcourse ,that just makes it feel more spontanious. Well hope everyone enjoys their summer.....

Quotes:
Sometimes when you’re young you think nothing can hurt you. It’s like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Find your perfect match, the one that completes you. But as you get older you realize it’s not always that easy. It’s not until the end of your life that you realize that the plans you made were simply plans. Because at the end when you’re looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you are leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered. – Lucas Scott

song of the week:
Happy ending - mika (its pretty amazing)

tv update:
Secret life of an american teenager par for the course premires tonight. I enjoy that show a lot