Top 25 Songs of 2019

Happy New Year loves! This marks the 11th year of this blog and some traditions must continue. Although I am extremely late, I present to you... my top 25 songs of 2019. I must preceded this list by saying that 2006 was still easily one of the best years for music. This year gave me slim pickings, and I listened to the same 40 or so songs all year. I will not let that stop me from making the list.

1. Good As Hell by Lizzo : This was Lizzo's year. The first time I heard about her was when I was getting my hair done. It had something to do with my weave from graduation. I had the two blond streaks in front and looked fire. She had the television on a music channel playing the top videos and juice appeared on the countdown. I was into the lyrics, the beat, and seeing a girl with some meat on her bones having so much confidence. I later discovered the remainder of her songs and really enjoyed them. She was in the Hustlers movie and appeared on all kinds of magazine covers this year. Good As Hell was easily my favorite.

2. Act Up by City Girls : I was really hesitant to put City Girls this high on the list. But they deserve it. This song was EVERYWHERE. Every women could relate to how fed up these women were with life in the 21st century. Men are trash and we all want to be real ass bitches that don't give a fuck about a n-. They became the voice of all black women through this one song and the savage women movement of 2019. People were shocked when they found out the song was written by a man.

3. South of the Border by Ed Sheeran ft. Camilla Cabello & Cardi B : The No. 6 Collaborations album was everything that I didn't know I needed from Ed. He had music in all types of genres that made us dance and feel good all summer long. A majority of this list will consist of songs from that album.

4. 7 Rings by Ariana Grande : This song was the end of Thank u, Next era Ariana. I admittedly didn't think she was good. I believed she was too young and that her music was for the generation after mine. We had Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus and they had her. But I finally gave her music a chance and fell in love. This song channeled Favorite Things from Sound of Music which is one of my favorite movies of all time. I enjoyed this song.

5. Saturday Nights Remix by Kane Brown ft. Khalid : Kane Brown was easily my favorite male artist this year. He has such a beautiful voice and his songs stole my heart. I have been waiting a long time for a young person of color to make good country music. It finally happened. Khalid added something magical to the song, and I couldn't get enough of their voices together in this song.

6. Truth Hurts by Lizzo : I told you that 2019 was the year of women being fed up with men right? This song starts with "Why men great till they gotta be great?". This song became an anthem. It empowered women everywhere. We took a DNA test and found out that we are 100% that...queen. I didn't go out very often this year, but when I did...this song was playing. Every women in the place screamed the words every single time. It was truly something.

7. If I Can't Have You by Shawn Mendes : I wouldn't call myself a Shawn Mendes fan. I haven't listened to his album. But I did hear this song on the radio and while out and about. It would get stuck in my head every singe time. It's the feel good song that we all needed.

8. No Guidance by Chris Brown and Drake : I miss old school Hip Hop/R&B. This was the only song released in 2019 that gave me that old school vibe. It was catchy, and I loved their voices together. Breezy and Drake had issues with one another revolving around Rihanna, so this song marked the end of that feud.

9. Remember the Name by Ed Sheeran ft. Eminem and 50 Cent : Did I mention that I miss old school Hip Hop/R&B. I never thought that Ed Sheeran would give me the fix I was looking for, but he did. I hadn't heard a song by either Eminem or 50 Cent in so long. But they came together for this, and I'm grateful. The song didn't get the love and attention that it deserved.

10. Old Town Road by Lil Nas X : I am putting this song at 10, because I have to. I have to recognize the impact that this song had on society. I originally heard it December 2018. I got my boyfriend Red Dead Redemption II for Christmas and the song was featured on the game. After that, it took on a life of its own. It was every young child's favorite song. We will never forget it.

11. Thotiana by Blueface :  The beat was absolutely irresistible. As soon as the song started, you had no choice but to dance? The song came with its own dance that people were doing everywhere. I went to the Mozzy concert, and they had a competition to see who could bust it down best. People changed their social media usernames to (  )iana and Cardi B made mamiana a thing.

12. Tempo by Lizzo ft. Missy Elliot: This song made me smile and made me want to dance. I have a memory with O. at the Replay this summer when this came on. We pointed at each other from a small distance, smiled, and both started dancing. Good, pure moment. That's the effect that his song had.

13. My Type Remix by Sawetie ft. City Girls and Jhene Aiko : Have I mentioned female rappers were everything this year? Enough said. Another catchy song that I loved.

14. Feels by Ed Sheeran ft. Young Thug and J Hus

15. Higher Love by Whitney Houston and Kygo : Whitney was the voice of a generation. Her vocals will make you listen. I was so excited for new music by Whitney. I showed this song to my mom and she had to break it to me that this is a remix of an old song. She has known it for years. We still appreciated it together.

16. Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi : It has been a really long time since I've heard a song with a piano instrumental as beautiful as this one. It's simple but beautiful. Lewis describes heartbreak so perfectly. 2019 was the year my heart broke in a way I never thought it could break. I found this song during that heartbreak. I don't listen to it often, because it makes me sad. But it deserves all the accolades.

17. Hot Girl Summer by Meg the Stallion, Nicki Minaj, and Ty$ : Summer 2019 was a Hot Girl Summer...PERIODT. This song will forever be an anthem that reminds us of that time.

18. Senorita by Shawn Mendes ft. Camilla Cabello

19. Juice by Lizzo

20. None of Your Concern by Jhene Aiko ft. Big Sean :

21. Put It All On Me by Ed Sheeran and Ella Mai

22. I Don't Care by Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber

23. One Man Band by Old Dominion

24. Memories by Maroon 5 : Finishing up this list way late, but this is being added because of the significance of this song being played at Kobe Bryants funeral.

25. Texas Walker Ranger by Da Baby

Song That Came Out in 2018 That I Discovered Late : 

Twerk by City Girls ft. Cardi B : We will never forget the City Girls and Cardi B twerking as spray painted animals. It was a visual we will never forget. Booty booty booty booty rocking everywhere. I believe this song gets honorable mention, because it technically came out in 2018.

"Every Time You Scream at Me, I Want to Kiss You. When You Put Your Hands On Me, I Want to Touch You."

Around 10:00pm on Friday night, bae and I arrived in Fruit City. We were on our way to surprise his Grandmother. The only problem was that she lives in a gated community, and we didn't know her code. He couldn't ask bae's sister, because we planned to surprise her next. It made sense to do it in this order, so that we wouldn't scare his grandmother by coming too late. One of his cousins lived with his grandmother in late 2018. He guessed the code correctly, so we were all able to come in. We parked our cars and walked up to her house with bae right in front of the door. We knocked on the door and didn't hear anything, so we sent his cousin to knock on her window. She asked "who is it?" He said, "Grandma, it's M----". She came to the front door and asked once again, "who is it?". His cousin answered again. When his grandmother opened the door she took a step back to make sure it really was bae. She was in her pajamas and sleeping cap. Super adorable. Then she said "I knew you were going to pull up on me this weekend. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it." She gave him a big hug and it was beautiful. This was my first time meeting her. When he had walked in the house, he said "Grandma, look who's behind you". It was me. I gave her a hug and said nice to meet you. She chatted with Antwane and her grandsons and nephew. Her grandson's friend had come with us and out-shined me a bit. He got up to shake her hand and introduce himself in a more official manner. I just didn't want to be to in her face. His grandmother told us that she is going to a church event in the morning and would be back to spend time with us in the afternoon. That's when we left to go visit bae's sister.

We pulled up to her house and Bae opened on the door. His niece opened and was completely surprised. She put her hand over her mouth and looked shocked. She let us know that her mother wasn't home, so we went to his nephews room to surprise him. He had a leg injury and couldn't leave the bed without crutches. He was surprised as well as more and more people walked in the room. He said something like "Wow, it's a family reunion". Bae face-timed her sister's boyfriend to see if he knew where she was. He said "she told me that she was going to bed". That's when the mood became awkard and everyone assumed she was hooking up or something. I don't think she actually lives the life they assume, but she has a social media persona that kind of encourages "hoes" etc. It's a hot girl summer and lots of people share those kind of things, so I'm not quick to assume that that's actually her lifestyle. We then took off and headed to their other cousin and her best friend's home. We pulled up to the driveway and she came outside. She didn't recognize any of the cars. When we came outside, she was really happy to see bae and her little brother as well as their other cousins. She was really kind and welcoming. I liked her a lot. She called bae's sister while we were there. Bae stole the phone and started talking. She was surprised to hear him on the phone and asked that we meet her at her home. She was also really kind and welcoming. My heart was full to be so accepted by her. A couple weeks before we arrived in Texas, she had made a Facebook post congratulating me on my graduation. It made me feel really good.

We sat down and started hanging out in her living room/diving room area. She put Netflix on and we watched a time traveling move that everyone said was good. The guys gathered around the table and started smoking. Bae had been clean for the two years that he was on probation. I had suspected that he smoked with a friend the day that he got off papers, but didn't know for sure. As I'm sitting on the couch, he comes up to me with a blunt in his hand. He's twirling it in my face. I know my man. That was his way of asking me if he could smoke it.  I told him that he had made too much progress to just revert back to his old ways now. I was whispering, because I didn't want his family to hear and think that I was a controlling girlfriend. I am a controlling girlfriend when health and future are at stake. Part of loving someone is wanting what's best for them. What's best for my man is him not smoking.  I didn't want to stare him down or be stuck to him like glue after that, but it was obvious to me that he had smoked. We got in an argument about it in the car. It got so loud that I wasn't sure I could go back to his grandma's house. We did anyways and I got some really great apology loving. Legendary.

Quote of the day : "A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other".

Song of the day: When You're Mad by Neyo

"And Now As They Wander, Their Thoughts Ever Stray. South of the Border, Down Mexico Way."

I logged on and realized that I never finished writing about my trip to Texas. I will write about some highlights, so I can remember all of the tiny details of this trip some day. 

After we finished site-seeing in Dallas, we drove down to Killeen, Texas. Bae's best friend and cousin lives in the outskirts of the city. Before we got to his house, I stopped at a Jack in the Box to change clothes. While I was in love with my tiny denim dress, it didn't see appropriate for meeting family members. I changed into my black leggings and a light purple top that I have gotten from Tj maxx. When we arrived at the house, he was home with his fiance, daughter, and mother in law. We all chatted for a little while. Their daughter threw a little tantrum about wanting to get in her blow up pool or do something to get wet. One of the funniest moments was her dad telling her to go outside and spray herself with a water bottle. She was so excited about the idea. True childhood innocence. Their daughter was very talkative and showed me her baby book. His fiance was talkative as well. She talked to me about her job at the dealership and how lots of men try to approach her. She tells them that shes engaged and facetime's her fiance if necessary. She was in a rush to get married. She told me she would do a courthouse wedding any day now and then plan a ceremony in a year. June 20, 2020 is the date that she had selected. Bae wanted seafood, so we went to a nice seafood restaurant. The food was not my favorite, but I liked the vibe and decor. We also played pool. They beat us all three times. It was not one of our best games. After playing pool, they offered to let us stay on the couch at their apartment. We decided to save money and do that. The three of them left for a dentist appointment really early in the morning which I found weird. We didn't even get to shower. We just gathered our belongings and left.  

The rental car that we had was ratchet. The undercarriage started falling off when we were still in Kansas. We had a mechanic take a look at it. He claimed to have fixed the problem, but it was even worse when we were ready to leave Killeen. We found the nearest car rental building and traded the car in for a different one. After that, we began our drive to Austin, Texas. We needed to shower, but did not have a hotel room in Austin. I decided to look up free showers in the area. Most of the posts suggested finding a local YMCA and showering there. That's what I did. I showered, got dressed, curled my hair, and did a full face of make up in the YMCA bathroom. After that, we headed to meet my dear friend J. He had been living in Austin for a year when we met up with him. He took us to a great Mexican restaurant and even offered to pay. It was so sweet of him. We enjoyed an hour of great food and conversation. 

After lunch, we drove back to Killeen. Bae's cousin decided that he wanted to come back to their hometown with us for the weekend. We picked him up then were off to Houston. His fiance was not happy that he was going to be going without her. She couldn't come with us, because she had to work that weekend. I thought that her and I had gotten along pretty well, but she never accepted my friend request when I added her on Facebook. Maybe she thought I was a traitor for letting him come on the trip with us. 

We were going to Houston, because I wanted to spend some time with my line sister and bae was going to meet up with his cousins. My line sister was playing around and didn't really want to see me. Her first excuse was homework. Her second excuse was a lizard getting into her house and her not being able to leave until she caught it. I didn't get a message from her saying the lizard issue was resolved until I was already two hours away from Houston. We were there briefly with bae's other cousins. They also decided to come back to their hometown to surprise their grandma.  We had stopped at Carl's Jr. on the way to their hometown. Bae was being teased about the weight he gained. He said in the parking lot "I already got my girl. Y'all are the ones that have to be skinny to find someone" or something along those lines. Everyone laughed, but it made me feel really special. He was claiming me in front of his family. 

The hometown adventures will be documented on the next blog post. Stay tuned. 

Song of the Day : South of the Border by Ed Sheeran, Camilla Cabelo, and Cardi B

Quote of the day : Everything's bigger in Texas. 

"When you think happiness, I hope you think that little black dress. Think of my head on your chest and my old faded blue jeans. When you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think of me"

Good Afternoon Lovers and Friends,

This last weekend was some kind of wonderful. I am grateful for every second of it. Bae and I had planned a trip down to Texas this past week. When the time came, we were worried about having enough money to make the trip happen. We decided to walk by faith and not sight. We woke up semi-early and headed to Texas. It was about 8 hours from Lawrence to Dallas. It took us a bit longer, because of unexpected car trouble. We stopped for a restroom break in Wichita and realized that the undercarriage of the car was falling off. I didn't know what an undercarriage was before this trip. You could tell that it had been falling off before we got the car, because there was a ton of visible, blue tape on the edge of the carriage. We called the car company back home and they advised us to go to the nearest location. The closest one was in a little town called Derby, Kansas. When we arrived to their location the employee let us know that they had no cars there and could not replace the vehicle. They directed us towards an auto shop in town. It was right next to McDonalds. We enjoyed the 2 for 5 while he allegedly removed the undercarriage. He didn't give us the piece back, but said we could drive without it. We were worried, but kept on driving anyways. I drove from part of Oklahoma to Dallas. About two and a half hours total.

When we arrived to Dallas, we quickly changed and decided to make the most of the day. I dressed in a new black dress that was a back up for graduation. It was a little snug, but I like how it made me look. We went to Beni Hana's. There was a 45 minute wait, but they had us seated in 15. The first thing I noticed was how diverse Dallas was. There were Caucasians, Asians, African Americans, and Hispanics at the restaurant. We shared a hibachi table with an Indian mother and her three sons. I ordered the teryaki chicken with fried rice instead of steamed. No mushrooms of course. The food was delicious and the chef knew all kinds of tricks. He did the volcano, and made the rice into the shape of a fish and heart. He juggled his utensils as well. We enjoyed the meal and headed back to the hotel. We got a good nights rest and woke up the following day ready to see all that Dallas had to offer.

Our first stop was the George W. Bush Presidential Library. I'm not a republican, but I love presidential libraries. It's nice seeing that particular presidents own interpretation of their presidency. The tickets were pretty pricey, but I took the hit. They were doing a series on Camp David and presidential retreats, so we stopped there first. It talked about all the different places past presidents spent their holidays and vacationed. I enjoyed seeing the Obama family's Hawaii pictures. The Bush family spent all their Christmas's at Camp David. They are lucky to have experienced the pomp and circumstance of the white house twice. After wandering through the display, we started our journey through the actual library. George W. was very humble about his presidency and made it clear that he never intended to be a war time president. He had a lot of goals and ideas that he did not get to see through because of the horrific events that happened the September of his first year and term. My favorite part of the library was seeing the work that their family has done in Africa. Zanzibar was mentioned multiple times and they had Kanga's as well as a Swahili bible that made me proud of my heritage. After taking full advantage of all the photo-ops, we were there for around 3 hours.

After the presidential library, we went to In and Out. It was Bae's first time. He really liked it. I enjoyed it as well. That was when I first realized that there are palm trees in Texas. After lunch, we headed to Klyde Warren Park. There was no nearby parking, so we had to part at Whole Foods and walk. I was not used to the Texas heat and humidity. The walk felt like it took a lifetime. I was too cheap to download the apps that gave us access to the motor scooters and bikes all around town. The park was really pretty. They had structures, colorful chairs, and fountains that kids could play in. There was also a Southwest lounge area that was very posh. We took photos and enjoyed that location. Our last stop of the day was reunion tower.

When we arrived at Reunion Tower, Bae told me that he was scared of heights. He repeated it multiple times, but I didn't take it seriously. We hopped on the elevator and got to the top of reunio tower. We could see the entire city from the top of the tower. After a couple minutes outside in the viewing area, bae said that he was done. He did not like being that high up. I wandered around outside and facetimed my aunt. She got to see the view. Bae soon came out and stated that he was ready to go. I asked him to take a couple more pictures and rudely teased him about his fear of heights. I had no idea that he was really scared. The final straw for him was when I sticked my hand out through the fence of the tower. He got really upset, and I realized that his fear was real. It was mean of me not to take it seriously. We rode the elevator down and raided the gift shop. I got a fridge magnet, postcards for my collection, and a Dallas Cowbodys fridge magnet for his grandmother. We got in the car and headed to Killeen, Texas. That's where the next story begins.

Song of the Day : Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift

Quote of the Day: "Better to see something once than hear about it 1000 times".YYou s

"Whatever will be, will be. The Futures not ours to see. Que Sera Sera"

Hello Faithful Readers (aka me at the end of the year),

I can't believe that I haven't updated this since January. Being in graduate school just takes up so much time and energy. So many things that I love get put to the side. One of those things is writing on this blog. It's May. The last two Mays have been months filled with anxiety. May is the month when final grades get posted and I find out whether or not I get to continue working towards my dream. At this point in time, I have invested 7 years to this goal. If I count the days I spent volunteering and studying in high school for this very same goal, it's more than 7 years. Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it. The attitude that I have had these last 3 years is "Whatever will be, will be. The futures not ours to see. Que Sera Sera". Doris Day passed away this year, but her song will stay in my heart forever. It's gotten me through many anxiety filled times. I was listening to a sermon at church when the pastor talked about the "whatever will be, will be" attitude. He said that the attitude is not faith filled. As people of faith we have to believe that all things will come together for good, because we love the Lord and trust in him. Believing that I can actually accomplish my goals adds a lot of pressure I felt like I couldn't handle. But I placed by burdens unto Jesus and did it. I studied late into the night this past finals week and prayed with everything in me. I passed all of my finals. Some grades went up and others went down. It ended in a boost to my semester and cumulative GPA.

When I finished my exam, it didn't seem like I had really done it. I calculated my GPA over and over again. I did best and worse case scenarios over and over again. After 40 minutes of starring at the screen, I realized that I had done it. For once, I don't have to spend May stressing out. By that time, I had missed the champagne bottles spraying all over the back parking lot by my cohort. Unlike a majority of them, I still have 8 credit hours left before I complete the didactic curriculum. This upcoming year will be relaxed. I will not be a full time student and will have time to commit to many other things. I can read again and spend more time with family. I can keep my home cleaner. I can work more and have more money to work with. I can travel more. I am basically getting my life back. Prayers that everything continues to go well and I eventually reach my ultimate goal of earning my PHD. I now have two bachelors degrees, and I'm grateful.


My second graduation went well. I decided not to invite any friends or extended family to this one. I didn't want to have to throw a grad party and pay for food for all these other people. I didn't want to have to worry about keeping the conversation going.  I wanted my day to be about me. I knew my immediate family and lover would never taken away from my joy and moment, so that would be okay. My high school friends did not really care about whether or not I invited them. I honestly think they were glad that I didn't say anything. Some of them congratulated me. Others didn't, but that's okay. It is what it is.

Something beautiful and her five wonderful children came in town. That turned out to be a blessing. Her kids were fun and filled me with hugs and funny stories all weekend long. They kept my company while dancing to Michael Jackson songs and singing We are the World while decorating my graduation camp. I have this idea for Black Lizzie. I wanted to write "Hey Now! This is what dreams are made of" on my graduation cap. I wanted a gold glitter background, red and white flowers, and a cartoon of myself as Lizzie McGuire. I contacted the two artists closest to me, but neither was willing to draw the cartoon. My brother asked someone he knew from high school if she would be willing to do it. She claimed she would do it for me but got to me Saturday afternoon and said she couldn't. It broke my heart, but God works in mysterious ways. I ended up finding someone to do it last minute. It was a great job. I loved the cartoon and it looked great on my cap. My cap was easily my favorite part of graduating.

The Saturday before graduating I had a million things to do. I got my hair done and highlighted. I had to go to the mall to get some foundation. I also had to find pants for my lover and shoes for me. I decided to get a manicure and pedicure in Overland Park in order to save money. I was in the zone and happy to be doing things for me. I had plans to celebrate the graduation with my bestie and her bestie with dinner and a movie. We had these plans before I even reminded her that I was graduating. I told her that getting together that day would be enough and she did not need to come to the actual graduation. I ended up having to cancel on dinner and a movie, because I spent more money than I had planned to. I also was still at the mall and did not want to speed home in the rain. My cap still wasn't done, so I wanted to commit the next few hours to that. Canceling last minute made her really upset. Part of me understood and part of me didn't. She still had to drive all this way, but I knew that she had the other girl to experience the day with. She ended up dropping off a gift that I really appreciated. I thanked her, but she was upset. She turned my day about her. I was upset, but not surprised.

The actual graduation flew by. Nothing too meaningful was said except "stay on your parents phone plan as long as you can". That's the motto. My family was really proud of me. I got to do a photo shoot after the graduation at all the spots I like at KU. The pictures turned out lovely. After the photos, we had biriyani and went to my cousin's high school graduation party. It was nice to see them too. Overall a great and memorable day. I have two degrees!! Yay!!

Song of the Day : Que Sera Sera - Doris Day

Quote of the Day : "Maybe I'm an outfit repeater, but you're an outfit rememberer"- Lizzie McGuire

We're Cheetah Sisters. We Stand Together. We Make Up One Big Family Though We Don't Look The Same.

On January 13th, I celebrated 106 years of sisterhood, service, and scholarship with my chapter sisters. This celebration wouldn't have come together if my oldest spec and I hadn't set up the event. I hadn't seen her in a year. I hadn't seen one of my line sisters in 6 months. A long time had passed. These are people I really care about. Everyone just gets so busy, and you start to worry whether or not it will be awkward. I woke up at 9:00am. I showered, curled my hair, and did my makeup. By the time 11:00am rolled around, I was late to church. I made it at about 10 after. There was a guest preacher who came and spoke about the disciples. Particularly Matthew. He talked about how Matthew had been a tax collector working for the Roman Empire prior to leaving it all to follow Jesus. He talked about how different the people who left it all to follow Jesus were. How they all still managed to work together. We also ended the service with a deep prayer about how it is possible to hear Jesus speak to you. The service ran over and I knew I was going to be late. I ran to Walmart to get an elephant for the gift exchange. I also got a card for my sorority sister that was recently diagnosed with cancer. By the time I had made it home, I realized that I had bae's key. I had to have my kind, caring baby brother take it over to him. I threw on a shirt I had with all the founders name on it, put on some lipstick, and rushed to get ready as fast as I could.

What I didn't know was that my ride would also be making a stop in Leavenworth. 40 minutes away from my home and 40 minutes away from the restaurant. If I had known, I would have driven myself. I know that sounds bad, but I wanted to be on time. I was one of the people that put the event together and I felt that being late was disrespecting everyone's time. I knew that the stop in Leavenworth was important and had to be done, but it put a little damper on the day.

The rest of the day went wonderfully. We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. When we arrived everyone had already been seated and ordered food. I went ahead and ordered the Cajun chicken littles, macaroni and cheese, and mashed potatoes. It was delicious as always. Before we had even finished our food, some guests were ready to leave. We have a sorority sister with a new boyfriend who couldn't wait to get back to him. I understood, because two founder's day ago I skipped in order to spend time with bae at a hotel bae and I had gotten together. New love means always wanting to be together. I thought it was cute, but everyone else was roasting her and rolling their eyes. It's hard to understand if you've never felt that way before. We got up in the middle of our meal and took photos by the staircase. It's funny, because this made the waitress assume that we weren't going to pay for our meal. I was very offended and kept ensuring her we would be back to pay. She wouldn't let it go. We got some decent pictures. I was just happy that all of us were together again.

Four of us stayed and chatted about various things for quite awhile. Some of the conversation was interesting and some of it was boring. Some of it we had talked about at least 50 times before. We talked about how one of our lines never get along. We talked about the made vs. not made stuff Greeks can't get enough of. After dinner, we headed to a get together for all women in our sorority. I was expecting a boring party, but it was actually really fun. They had cake, drinks, and a DJ playing great music. I got to see all my delta mamas and the women who led me to Deltaland. We got to take photos with them and talk a bit.

The best part of the night came from visiting my soror who was recently diagnosed with cancer. We went to her home for the first time. We told her what's been going on with us. She told us about how she's already done two rounds of treatment. She told us that she hasn't been having terrible side effects aside from a sore mouth. She told us about how cooperative her job was being even though she doesn't have paid time off yet. She told us about how she had been praying on the word trust for a year. She ended up getting a job at a trust fund and now has the hard journey to go through. She was positive which left me encouraged. We gave her a card and some money that we had donated. It brought her to tears which almost brought me to tears. She deserved the small token of our appreciation and more. It was the most special moment of the day to me. When people treat you well, it feels good to have an opportunity to return the favor and show your love and appreciation.

I ended the day feeling whole.

Song of the Day: Cheetah Sisters by the Cheetah Girls

Quote of the Day: “Never hold resentments for the person who tells you what you need to hear; count them among your truest, most caring, and valuable friends.”   (This meme is going around about valuing friends that tell you the truth when its not easy. It really spoke to me, because that was a big friendship issue I had last year.)

"Eyes Haven't Seen. & Ears Haven't Heard. The Kind of Blessings That's About To Follow Me"

I haven't put much thought into my New Years Resolutions this year. I had a nice end of the year review, but I didn't do much looking forward. Since I'm sitting here at my job with nothing to do, I might as well.

1. Grow in my relationship with God. I have grown in some ways over the last couple years and fallen off in others. I had gotten to the point where I read my bible every night and prayed every night, but that all kind of changed. I grew in my faith enough to not feel like I have to constantly beg God to make things go my way. That wasn't the relationship I wanted with him anymore. Especially when it came to school. But I do long for daily quiet time with the Lord. Time to read his word and set my mind of the right path. Since the new year started, I've been having trouble falling asleep. I think its because I need that time again. I would also like to continue attending the bible study I joined this last fall. I want to work towards being more open with them. I need a group of people I can be completely honest with. I've become very closed off in the last year and a half-ish.

2. Graduate and make progress on my degree. No need to write even more about this. It's just something that I have to buckle down on and do.

3. Stop worrying about things outside of my control. In May, I decided that I was ready to start trying to have a baby. No one knows this, but I had become pretty much consumed by this in my free time since I made the decision. I read all these blogs, I stalk all these mom accounts or fertility accounts on Instagram, and I'm always hoping that this is the month it'll happen. I have no doubt that 2019 will be my year, but I really have to stop fixating on it so much. It's not healthy. I think some of it stems from boredom. I need to spend the mental energy I put into thinking about that in to something else.

Same goes for fixating on my BFs family and whether or not they like me. I will treat them with the kindness and respect that I show everyone else. If that's not enough then *shrugs*.

4. Make more memories with people I love. Time is the most precious thing we have and I don't doubt it for one minute. If I want to bother my mom, dad, and brother at least once a day for no reason, then I will. If I want to call them all the time, I will. I want to send more texts saying "I love you". I don't want to be involved in any more silly arguments with friends. I just want it to be all love from here on out. I want to give out as much love as I possibly can.

5. I need to make healthier lifestyle choices. It's embarrassing that this is on my list every year and every year I gain more and more weight and do not exercise. This year I want to start with exercise. Even if I don't lose weight, I want to work out more. I also want to stay away from fast food as much as possible. I will initially try to cut it out  all together, but if that becomes too much I'll limit it to once a week. In 2018, I had weeks where I consumed fast food every other day. Food cannot be my source of joy or comfort when I have to deal with school related stress. If I make those two small changes, I'll be proud of myself.

6. Learn to trust more. I need to have complete faith in my relationship. This is really hard to do, but I'm going to work on it. We can't move to the next step without me loosening the leash a bit. We'll see if I can do it.

I think that list covers it. I didn't add any work related goals, because I don't have any. I want to chill on work this year. The 14 hour days I was working last summer wore me out. As much as I love and appreciate material things, I don't want to go through that again. I want to rest. I want to budget my money better, so I don't have to work as much and live paycheck to paycheck. I work part time and go to school full time. I'm no longer interested in trying to keep up with people who work full time. I don't want to live above my means. Can't wait to see what joy and blessings this year brings. I'm staying positive about this year, because I have no reason not to.  God is good to those who love him.

Prayers for long life, good health, love, laughter, and joy for me, my family, and friends.

Song of the Day : I'm Getting Ready by Tasha Cobbs

Quote of the Day : "Let go of yesterday. Let today be a new beginning and be the best that you can, and you’ll get to where God wants you to be.” – Joel Osteen