"Eyes Haven't Seen. & Ears Haven't Heard. The Kind of Blessings That's About To Follow Me"

I haven't put much thought into my New Years Resolutions this year. I had a nice end of the year review, but I didn't do much looking forward. Since I'm sitting here at my job with nothing to do, I might as well.

1. Grow in my relationship with God. I have grown in some ways over the last couple years and fallen off in others. I had gotten to the point where I read my bible every night and prayed every night, but that all kind of changed. I grew in my faith enough to not feel like I have to constantly beg God to make things go my way. That wasn't the relationship I wanted with him anymore. Especially when it came to school. But I do long for daily quiet time with the Lord. Time to read his word and set my mind of the right path. Since the new year started, I've been having trouble falling asleep. I think its because I need that time again. I would also like to continue attending the bible study I joined this last fall. I want to work towards being more open with them. I need a group of people I can be completely honest with. I've become very closed off in the last year and a half-ish.

2. Graduate and make progress on my degree. No need to write even more about this. It's just something that I have to buckle down on and do.

3. Stop worrying about things outside of my control. In May, I decided that I was ready to start trying to have a baby. No one knows this, but I had become pretty much consumed by this in my free time since I made the decision. I read all these blogs, I stalk all these mom accounts or fertility accounts on Instagram, and I'm always hoping that this is the month it'll happen. I have no doubt that 2019 will be my year, but I really have to stop fixating on it so much. It's not healthy. I think some of it stems from boredom. I need to spend the mental energy I put into thinking about that in to something else.

Same goes for fixating on my BFs family and whether or not they like me. I will treat them with the kindness and respect that I show everyone else. If that's not enough then *shrugs*.

4. Make more memories with people I love. Time is the most precious thing we have and I don't doubt it for one minute. If I want to bother my mom, dad, and brother at least once a day for no reason, then I will. If I want to call them all the time, I will. I want to send more texts saying "I love you". I don't want to be involved in any more silly arguments with friends. I just want it to be all love from here on out. I want to give out as much love as I possibly can.

5. I need to make healthier lifestyle choices. It's embarrassing that this is on my list every year and every year I gain more and more weight and do not exercise. This year I want to start with exercise. Even if I don't lose weight, I want to work out more. I also want to stay away from fast food as much as possible. I will initially try to cut it out  all together, but if that becomes too much I'll limit it to once a week. In 2018, I had weeks where I consumed fast food every other day. Food cannot be my source of joy or comfort when I have to deal with school related stress. If I make those two small changes, I'll be proud of myself.

6. Learn to trust more. I need to have complete faith in my relationship. This is really hard to do, but I'm going to work on it. We can't move to the next step without me loosening the leash a bit. We'll see if I can do it.

I think that list covers it. I didn't add any work related goals, because I don't have any. I want to chill on work this year. The 14 hour days I was working last summer wore me out. As much as I love and appreciate material things, I don't want to go through that again. I want to rest. I want to budget my money better, so I don't have to work as much and live paycheck to paycheck. I work part time and go to school full time. I'm no longer interested in trying to keep up with people who work full time. I don't want to live above my means. Can't wait to see what joy and blessings this year brings. I'm staying positive about this year, because I have no reason not to.  God is good to those who love him.

Prayers for long life, good health, love, laughter, and joy for me, my family, and friends.

Song of the Day : I'm Getting Ready by Tasha Cobbs

Quote of the Day : "Let go of yesterday. Let today be a new beginning and be the best that you can, and you’ll get to where God wants you to be.” – Joel Osteen