"Whatever will be, will be. The Futures not ours to see. Que Sera Sera"

Hello Faithful Readers (aka me at the end of the year),

I can't believe that I haven't updated this since January. Being in graduate school just takes up so much time and energy. So many things that I love get put to the side. One of those things is writing on this blog. It's May. The last two Mays have been months filled with anxiety. May is the month when final grades get posted and I find out whether or not I get to continue working towards my dream. At this point in time, I have invested 7 years to this goal. If I count the days I spent volunteering and studying in high school for this very same goal, it's more than 7 years. Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it. The attitude that I have had these last 3 years is "Whatever will be, will be. The futures not ours to see. Que Sera Sera". Doris Day passed away this year, but her song will stay in my heart forever. It's gotten me through many anxiety filled times. I was listening to a sermon at church when the pastor talked about the "whatever will be, will be" attitude. He said that the attitude is not faith filled. As people of faith we have to believe that all things will come together for good, because we love the Lord and trust in him. Believing that I can actually accomplish my goals adds a lot of pressure I felt like I couldn't handle. But I placed by burdens unto Jesus and did it. I studied late into the night this past finals week and prayed with everything in me. I passed all of my finals. Some grades went up and others went down. It ended in a boost to my semester and cumulative GPA.

When I finished my exam, it didn't seem like I had really done it. I calculated my GPA over and over again. I did best and worse case scenarios over and over again. After 40 minutes of starring at the screen, I realized that I had done it. For once, I don't have to spend May stressing out. By that time, I had missed the champagne bottles spraying all over the back parking lot by my cohort. Unlike a majority of them, I still have 8 credit hours left before I complete the didactic curriculum. This upcoming year will be relaxed. I will not be a full time student and will have time to commit to many other things. I can read again and spend more time with family. I can keep my home cleaner. I can work more and have more money to work with. I can travel more. I am basically getting my life back. Prayers that everything continues to go well and I eventually reach my ultimate goal of earning my PHD. I now have two bachelors degrees, and I'm grateful.


My second graduation went well. I decided not to invite any friends or extended family to this one. I didn't want to have to throw a grad party and pay for food for all these other people. I didn't want to have to worry about keeping the conversation going.  I wanted my day to be about me. I knew my immediate family and lover would never taken away from my joy and moment, so that would be okay. My high school friends did not really care about whether or not I invited them. I honestly think they were glad that I didn't say anything. Some of them congratulated me. Others didn't, but that's okay. It is what it is.

Something beautiful and her five wonderful children came in town. That turned out to be a blessing. Her kids were fun and filled me with hugs and funny stories all weekend long. They kept my company while dancing to Michael Jackson songs and singing We are the World while decorating my graduation camp. I have this idea for Black Lizzie. I wanted to write "Hey Now! This is what dreams are made of" on my graduation cap. I wanted a gold glitter background, red and white flowers, and a cartoon of myself as Lizzie McGuire. I contacted the two artists closest to me, but neither was willing to draw the cartoon. My brother asked someone he knew from high school if she would be willing to do it. She claimed she would do it for me but got to me Saturday afternoon and said she couldn't. It broke my heart, but God works in mysterious ways. I ended up finding someone to do it last minute. It was a great job. I loved the cartoon and it looked great on my cap. My cap was easily my favorite part of graduating.

The Saturday before graduating I had a million things to do. I got my hair done and highlighted. I had to go to the mall to get some foundation. I also had to find pants for my lover and shoes for me. I decided to get a manicure and pedicure in Overland Park in order to save money. I was in the zone and happy to be doing things for me. I had plans to celebrate the graduation with my bestie and her bestie with dinner and a movie. We had these plans before I even reminded her that I was graduating. I told her that getting together that day would be enough and she did not need to come to the actual graduation. I ended up having to cancel on dinner and a movie, because I spent more money than I had planned to. I also was still at the mall and did not want to speed home in the rain. My cap still wasn't done, so I wanted to commit the next few hours to that. Canceling last minute made her really upset. Part of me understood and part of me didn't. She still had to drive all this way, but I knew that she had the other girl to experience the day with. She ended up dropping off a gift that I really appreciated. I thanked her, but she was upset. She turned my day about her. I was upset, but not surprised.

The actual graduation flew by. Nothing too meaningful was said except "stay on your parents phone plan as long as you can". That's the motto. My family was really proud of me. I got to do a photo shoot after the graduation at all the spots I like at KU. The pictures turned out lovely. After the photos, we had biriyani and went to my cousin's high school graduation party. It was nice to see them too. Overall a great and memorable day. I have two degrees!! Yay!!

Song of the Day : Que Sera Sera - Doris Day

Quote of the Day : "Maybe I'm an outfit repeater, but you're an outfit rememberer"- Lizzie McGuire