"The Moment I Wake Up. Before I Put On My Make. Up. I Say a Little Prayer for Youuuuuu"

There was a great moment in popular culture that has been in my head all day. John David Washington is from the move the Blackkklansman. He is the son of  Denzel Washington, and this was his acting debut. The Blackkklansman is a Spike Lee movie that I had the pleasure of seeing. My brother never invites me to anything, but he took time out of his busy schedule to invite me to the film. It's possible that I was only invited, because he wanted me to pay. I don't mind though. Our tickets cost $22 total. I am going to look at this post in 5 years and be shocked at how cheap movie prices used to be. I remember when I used to pay $5 to see a matinee movie. I probably would have splurged for popcorn, but he told me it was too late in the day and it wouldn't be fresh.

The movie was not my favorite of all time. I appreciated the concept, but it was a little slow. I definitely fell asleep for a good 20 minutes in the middle. The story-line is an undercover African American cop investigating the KKK. He speaks to someone high up in their organization and convinces them that he is a white male. Another white cop pretends to be him in person, but Washington is the voice that he speaks to on the phone. This is based on a true story about a black male who officially became a member of the KKK. He has a membership card with his name and everything. The end is hilarious, because it becomes evident that he is a black male. Spike Lee is a realist, so the story did not have a massive happy ending. One male, caucasian cop was arrested for the comments they were able to catch him make. The investigation was discontinued and no one from the kkk was actually arrested. The movie ended with footage for the kkk march that occurred in North Carolina and led to the death of a young woman. It was really moving. I never watched footage of the car that ran people over, because I'm tired of sad news. I don't want to be sad anymore. I would recommend the movie even though I couldn't stay awake during it. Same thing happened when I watched the Black Panther. I just can't stay awake when there is no good romance.

But back to a great moment in popular culture. When John David was being interviewed, the interviewer asked him what it's like to be the son of Denzel Washington. He corrected the interviewer and said, "and Pauletta Washington. Who was earning more money than he was when they married, before they were married. She was working on Broadway, paid for the first date, paid the bill, paid the cab ride. Classically trained pianist, went to Julliard. She is a great artist in her own right and I learned a lot for her. My father taught me how to hunt. My mother taught me how to love." That whole statement is beautiful. It's beautiful, because he showed love and appreciation for both parents. He loves his mother so much, that he does not believe she should live in his father's shadow. He believes that her contributions to art are just as important. A lot of the time, the celebrity parents takes all the credit for the celebrity child. I'm glad he showed respect for his mother. A black woman that has remained in a marriage for 20+ years.

The other part that stuck out is the love story. I loved knowing that she was more successful than him when they met, but she still gave him a chance. That's beautiful and you do not hear many stories like that in black culture. A lot of women spend many hours on twitter talking about how they want a man that has everything. He needs to pay for their travels, buy purses and a huge engagement ring, and give the women an allowance. It's unbelievable how much people expect. My relationship started a lot like the one between Denzel and Pauletta. He was not in a good place and a lot of people would have walked away, because of how hard it is. But where there's a will, there's a way. The love and faith I had in him encouraged him and he hasn't been the same since. I am so proud of him. I wish more women would do this. It encouraged me to know that this couple had humble beginnings too.

Song of the Day : I Say A Little Prayer For You by Aretha Franklin (I have loved this song my whole life because of a scene from My Best Friends Wedding. My whole life, I thought this song is by Dionne Worwick who is now being accused on molesting Whitney as a child. They mention her prior to singing it, so I thought that had to be her song. It turns out it's the Queens originally. RIP Aretha)

Quote of the day : "Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on."

"But I Found A boy Who I Love More, Then I Ever Did You Before"

My heart is so full. Full of love and full of joy. I'm walking on a happy cloud of my blessings and the answer to my prayers. I am so in love. So so so in love. Yesterday was one of the best 4th of July celebrations I've ever had. Thinking through it now, it was the best 4th of July I ever had. It of course didn't start that way. My boo and I have a habit of arguing on holidays. I think its because we both have such high, different expectations. For this particular holiday, I told him that he could plan everything from start to almost finish. The only thing that I really wanted to do was go to a firework show at the end of the night. So the night of July 3rd we went shopping and bought food. We went to bed early and woke up at 9:00am. My significant other was so excited that he woke up at 7:00am. He never wakes up early. That's how you know he just couldn't contain himself. I got up and did my hair and make up as quickly as possible, because I knew he wouldn't be willing to wait forever. I even skipped my ritualistic selfie before leaving. Don't worry, I began taking them once I got in the car.

His brother called as we were about to leave and asked for a ride to the festivities. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, because I felt like we were being used for a ride. That didn't end up being the case. We picked him up and he happily rode in the backseat. We drove into Kansas City and went straight to my future Father - in - Law's home. He welcomed us. The boys loaded up the truck and got everything in the car to go over to his girlfriends house. We set up a table outside and I watched the guys play dominos. I watched the host season the food and tried to be as helpful as I could. What really touched my heart were the conversations that went on that day.

When my boo went inside for a few minutes, his dad said "Julio's Wife". I didn't answer and then he said "Julio's Wife!" again. That's when I realized he was speaking to me. So I looked up and he said "Are you going to marry my son?". I smiled and said "You'll have to ask your son about that and see how he feels". He said, "I'm asking you. He feels one way but I want to know how you feel". I said "Yes, I really like your son". His dad said "Do you like him or do you love him?" I said, "I love him. A lot.. "very shyly. He said, "Then you two are going to get married. I'll make sure of it". Later on in the day, his son came back and we were all sitting together. His father said that he was happy we found each other. He didn't feel like he was losing a son but gaining a daughter. I loved every second of it. It was very special to me. Him and I have talked about marriage many times, but it was nice to see that other people see the love that we share as well.

I also enjoyed the father son moments that occurred throughout the day. My true love's brother told his dad "I smelled my breath the other day and had a flashback to you kissing me when I was a kid. I wonder how my breath ended up smelling just like yours". His dad said it was genetic and he did used to kiss him. The brother said "I wouldn't let you kiss me now or something along those lines". So throughout the day, their dad was run up to him or chase him and try to kiss him. It was so cute, because the son is grown and a father himself now. He didn't want to take any part of it, but you could tell he was coming from a place of love. His father also complimented the son that has my heart about how he always comes for important events and how he can always count on him.

The food was okay. I was too nervous to ask for ketchup and they spread BBQ sauce on absolutely everything. There also weren't potato chips. But I left the BBQ full, hot, and bitten by lots of mosquitos. After his dad's house we went to visit his cousins and their parents. They were all very kind and hospitable. They were outside smoking, talking, and sharing stories. One of his uncles does theatrical performances and had pictures of his last one. He did a Tyler Perry type of performance and was really into it. He said the ladies loved it and you could see the joy in his face talking about it. Most of his cousins are in relationships and have at least one child. One of their kids walked up to me and gave me a hug. She asked what my name was and told me her name. It was so sweet. I really appreciated that. They also took an interest in the fact that I was African. They said they wanted me and my man to host an evening at my house and they could all wear dashiki's. He also wanted to know if I could really cook or just "eggs and ramen noodles cook". Antwane confirmed that I can indeed cook. That made me feel good too.

After leaving there we were taking his brother to visit a friend. We ended up seeing his Great Uncle and Aunt sitting on our porch. We walked up to them. He was in a wheel chair. My first instinct was, "maybe he was a war veteran". I don't know why that was my first thought, but it was. We shook hands they pulled out seats so that we could join them. He told us that he recently had a portion of his foot amputated. He had an accident where something fell on his foot and that was the end result. He told this story with so much positivity and grace. You would think he was talking about something that happened to someone else and not him. He didn't believe that he would be able to walk again because he lost his big toe. But I loved the two of them as a couple. They were comfortable with each other and enjoying one another. It didn't seem like they really needed anything or anyone else. That's how I hope my future husband and I are someday.

We ended the night by going to the KC Riverfest. Just like for Thanksgiving, we made it there in perfect time. We arrived at the bridge about 2 minutes before the firework show began. We stayed for the entire duration of the show and then drove home. When we got back and dropped his brother off, we really ended the night in a romantic way. It was everything I could ever want it to be and more. I love him so much and after all this time, I felt even more loved than before. Couldn't have asked for a better day or a better man.

Song of the day: I Found a Boy by Adele

Quote of the day :"There is only one in this house. To love and be loved"

Love Yourself Girl, or Nobody Will.

Hello loves,

It's been a minute. This post is coming to you from my desk at work. The last 3 months have been filled with work work work work work. I technically have three jobs, but have only been working two of them this summer. I worked 14 hour days for the first time in my life. This last weekend, I was finally able to get a break and relax. It turned into a girls weekend, because everyone was in town for the Drake Concert. One noticeable change with my friend group over the last few years has been weight gain. Some of my closest friends have maintained the same weight. They were the ones that always watched their figure and had tiny bodies. The ones that take six bites and are full. That makes me so envious. After six bites my stomach is grumbling and yelling "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?". I kill my plates. On my first date with bae, I had tacos. Ended up with food all over my face. He had to give me a napkin to clean up. Same thing happened this weekend when I was eating my chipotle. I ended up with lipstick all over my face. Even my forehead. In the past I may have been embarrassed about something like that, but this is me. It makes me who I am.

Any ways, all my friends are upset about being fat. A lot of them have been talking about losing weight for the last 3 years now. They either stayed the same or gained weight, so its hard for me to take their discussion about weight loss seriously. In my mind, they are who they are. This is their big girl body and they have to embrace it and accept it. Since purchasing clothes in the correct size and no longer trying to squeeze into anything, my life has improved dramatically. I feel better and look better. The clothes that I buy accentuate what I have going for me instead of point out my flaws. Its amazing. I feel like a whole new woman. Wearing clothes in your correct size makes all the difference. Same goes for bras. I'm still working on that because a lot of my bras are not as flattering as I would like them to be.

Photos ended up being a huge topic of conversation this weekend. My cousin has decided that she no longer wants to take photos of any kind. I asked if she would be willing to take family photos just for memory and she still said no. There is no convincing her to take them. I think its because she would like to look a certain way to people who see the photos. The reality is, you look the way you look. Hiding behind the camera does not change the fact that people see you looking that way each and every day. So by avoiding pictures and really looking at yourself, the only person you are fooling is you. Everyone else knows that you look different.

My other photo story involves an attack. We took some photos in the parking garage prior to the concert. There were many photos at a lot of different angles. We looked at the photos and decided on one that we all liked. I accidentally downloaded the wrong one. I made the post sneakily while at work, because I did not want to miss the 7pm Instagram peak time. I was really excited about my post, because it's the first one I've posted in awhile. I was wearing a black and gold sparkly dress that I have had since last December. It was good to finally get the chance to wear it and show it off. I started getting likes instantly which isn't all that common for me. Its not uncommon either. After awhile, my friend texted and said she was crying because I used the wrong picture and she did not like how she appeared in the photo that I posted. She eventually confessed that the real reason is because someone she likes follows me. But this guy had two babies on her, so as far as I'm concerned he's irrelevant. It just really upset me. I realize social media is not that serious, but just once I wish I could post a good photo with friends like a normal person. It irritated me. I made the mistake of "You will learn to love yourself" and she took it as being judgmental. This particular friend is always criticizing me for things. She asked if she would be my maid of honor if I got married. I said yes, but it's a no for me dog. I need a maid of honor who will help me wedding plan, let me be a bridzilla, and stick with me through the planning every step of the way.

Song of the Day : Crooked Smile by J. Cole

Quote of the day: Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we'll ever do.