Education
It all started with a really tough finals week. I survived and got decent grades, but a lot of my finals were on the fine line of boosting me to a better grade. I was one point away from an A in my law & ethics course, and two points away from a B in pharmacology. I tried to act like I don't care and push it out of my mind, but it sucked.
Love
In the last two months, I met two great guys. They weren't my usual sucky contenders. There was A who is a Kappa at a nearby school. We exchanged numbers then barely talked. He's still doing little things to continue expressing interest but interest without action is dead. That phrase can also apply to the man I'm in pharmacy school with that's the most logical contender. We are both in professional school, both black, and I have a connection of sorts to his mother. He's from California (where I can see myself living someday). But low and behold, I could not keep his attention. And I'm tired. I refuse to chase either one of them or give some pathetic speech about the qualities I have that they should appreciate.I met a third guy through tinder who's not nearly as great. He just got out of an eight year relationship. He also lost all his money from the lifestyle him and this woman maintained. He's much older and has a pretty formal job, but no college education. He's interested in working towards certifications that will advance him in his career. His strong suits are definitely drive and vision. But he too sucks. He initially texted every day, but I should have known it wouldn't end well. We both wanted two very different things out of love and life. I expressed that I'm interested in a serious relationship and he expressed that he is not interested in that at the moment. We agreed to still enjoy each others company despite these differences, but I think it's coming to an end now.
My old work is ever present in my life. Over Thanksgiving break me and my Omega Boo went to the mall together for black Friday shopping. We started rebuilding our friendship when I wished him a Happy Founders Day in November. I have to look back at old texts to see how this really happened and we ended up in the same room again. (20 seconds later...) Found it! He had invited me to go out to a VIP club event the night of Thanksgiving with him and his line brother. I agreed to go, because my mother, brother, and father had to work most of Thanksgiving this year. Since he couldn't go home to be with his family, it seemed perfect. His line brother didn't end up having the event he had told us about, so we spoke the next morning. Hanging out was still something we both wanted to do. I told him I was going to the mall and asked if he wanted to come with. That's when he told me that he no longer has a car. I expect these kind of tragedies from him, because the poor guy can't seem to get a break.
When I arrived, he got in the car and we started catching up bit by bit. He ended up getting evicted from his previous home. The home was under his name, so it negatively effected his credit. He bought a bike after not having a car, then ended up getting in a bike accident the day of his Founder's Day. The bike no longer works and all he got from the guy was $20.00. It was a lot of unfortunate events, but he's used to this lifestyle. It didn't seem to phase him too much. At least not in front of me. We walked into a lot of different stores. He bought us popcorn from topsy's. The whole time I couldn't tell if it was a date or not. At the end he made it clear and DTR'd. He wanted to get five guys before we left. The cashier assumed we were together and tried to take my order immediately after his. He acted like he was going to pay then gave me a weird look (so weird that I can't describe it. It wasn't being sheepish. It wasn't rude. It was just weird, but I can still see it in me head). He followed up by stating that I was just going to "make him pay" even though we're just friends. I hate poor mentalities. My pockets were nearly empty, but I wasn't going to let him get away with feeling used or taken advantage of. I gave him the money he asked for and the rest of the evening was awkward. We argued a lot about my driving and he irritated me. He ended up getting out of the car quickly and not inviting me up. We small talked for a couple days after, but that was that. We just continue confirming the fact that we don't belong together.
While we're still talking about irrelevant people, my rebound Haitian guy from this summer found love in the sun. After being MIA for months, he posted his WCW. She's a drop dead gorgeous light skinned girl. It shouldn't have hurt me, but it did. I know I'm not like that girl appearance wise and he upgraded me. Ugh.
Finally the man that means love to me. The one that made the most significant impact of the year. The one that I want. I waited all December 16th for my birthday wish from him. It was the one person who really mattered. Midnight found me at the movie theater watching Collateral Beauty starring Will Smith and the surprisingly funny Helen Mirren. I checked my phone soon after and there was no message from the one that matters. I did the most for his birthday. I attempted to send a card from here to Afghanistan and it didn't make it in time. In fact, I'm pretty sure it got lost in the mail or withheld from him. Anyways, the point is that I worked really hard to acknowledge his birthday and make him feel special. Then he went and missed mine. This is the perfect expression of my problems in love and life. I work so hard and try to make things perfect for people who never cared in the first place. Above and beyond translates to "you're doing too much" , and I never receive the same treatment in return. I try to remind myself that I wasn't doing it for anything in return, but am I so wrong for wanting him to love me that way I love him? Just this once or maybe for a lifetime.
He ended up wishing me a happy birthday three days after my actual birthday. That sparked the beginning of a conversation that's still going now. Here's to hoping it never dies. I want him so bad. I could go on and on about why I like him or why he matters. But I don't want to jinx it. I also don't believe that him and I will be together. I feel like I'm just a place holder until he finds a model type woman like my Haitian guy did.
I'm also sick and tired of this girl who just got in her first relationship continuously posting about how great it is and sending out advice like she wasn't in the same shoes a year ago. It's an additional, unnecessary downer.
Body
I just had a piece of skin removed from my chest. It's getting tested, and I'm praying that it's no big deal. Hopefully the testing will give them a good mechanism for treating it. So I can finally be free of how uncomfortable its made me.
I also gained 20 pounds since July. All I can say is I hate me.
Song of the day : Last Christmas
Quote of the day : "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."
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