"I've spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end, but on a wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again"

Hello world,
I meant to have made like fifty blogs in between this and the last one. I get all these ideas, but time doesn't ever give me a chance. I miss speaking my mind. I feel like lately i've been seeing the world through new eyes. Four people that have had an impact on my life are sick. All four of them were sudden illnesses. Brain injuries, Cancer, car accidents, and cancer + a car accident (worst combo). I feel like crying just thinking about it. This is new for me..all the sudden tears. I'm not really a crier. Especially not in public, but the last few sunday's i've spent singing in church praying and singing have moved me to tears almost every time. I stayed in control, because that's just the kind of girl I am. I don't break down, because I don't like being in the position to explain to anyone what's going on or how I'm feeling. It's not me. I guess i'm an introverted person with exceptions. There are certain people I feel like I can tell anything and everything to, but even my mother doesn't see me cry.

Anyways, seeing all these people's lives change so suddenly made me realize a couple different things. The first was that from here on out it has to be me and my God. No peer pressure, or anything else leading me down the wrong path. Life can end in an instant, and it is my belief that when this life ends the eternal one can  begin. If you stay close to God, and follow the teachings. I've also realized that all the problems that I let dominate my life in the past don't matter in the big picture. When it's life or death, it won't matter that I got a B on an exam, wrote a bad song and put it on youtube, wore sweat pants three days in a row, or any of that other stuff I occupy my thoughts with. What will matter is the person I am, and how i've chosen to spend my time here on earth. The third thing that has come out of this tragic situation is joy. It sounds sick that i've found happiness through this all, but I'm an optimist. I believe with a faith that could move the mountains. My four loved ones will heal despite what doctors and statistics say.

I've chosen to smile, because I realized that I am blessed beyond belief. My health and the health of my family is enough to keep me smiling no matter what. I'm not going to let little things get me down anymore. I go to a college campus where everyone needs anti-depresents. I wish I was kidding, but i'm not. Well kind of : Anti- depressents are bad and make you a vegetable. Only take em if you need em. But anyways at my campus, people walk around frowning all the time. I half smiled at someone (on accident <--- that's how sad it is. Not smiling is a thing) and they asked "what you lookin at?!". Yes, this really happened. But even all these negative people around me won't bring me down, because I have the joy of the lord, the joy of good health, the joy of wonderful people, and too many more blessings to count.

The last thing that happened? I started thinking about him again... Lord help me. We all know how this story ends.

song of the day: Begin Again by Taylor Swift (I'm in love with this song!! Only 20 days till red comes out)

quote of the day: Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened - Dr. Suess