No one likes failure. In any kid of situation. Most everyone has hope in everything they attempt to do and thats why they do it. No one plans on bad things happening to them, and those who do are missing out on most of life. This last four months i've learned a lot about trying something followed by failing at something and I don't think I took it very well at all. Lets start with the easiest thing. I auditioned to be placed in the top choir at my school. I was secretly practicing with one of my best friends for days. We knew that getting in was what we wanted and we even practiced on a weekend. I went in my audition and got really good responses from the teachers. Last week I found out that I didn't make the choir. That isn't even the worst part.
The worst part is my score was a 115/120. Thats a really amazing score. The same score that some people that made it in got. That means that vocally there was pretty much no difference between me and them accept maybe they were prettier or the teacher liked their personality better then mine. It just upset me more then it should have. I didn't like being told that I wasn't good enough. Part of it was a mess because the women who helps choose who gets in gives really expensive lessons on the side so of course those kids would have a better advantage. It's not like she's going to pick someone she doesn't know like me over the people that put food on the table for her. I guess i'm slowly getting over it now. You can't make it into everything, you can't always win.
Speaking of not winning, I lost something else important to me. The problem with me is I create these perfect fantasies in my head and I forget that real life doesn't work that way. I forget that not all good things happen to people just because they're good and nice. Sometimes being nice isn't enough and it hurts to know that there's nothing you could have changed to get closer to what you wanted most. Part of what's bothering me is not even knowing what it was that I ever did wrong. Another thing that's bothering me is not knowing why I wasn't good enough for some of the different things i've tried out for. The hardest part is the little voice in my head always reminding me that I wasn't good enough. Life can be kind of crappy sometimes but you can't hang on to the bad. Try to find something to smile for everyday. The only thing you can do is try your best and when your best isn't good enough you just have to remember it wasn't meant to be.
Song of the day: Dear John by Taylor Swift
quote of the day: My heart is broken but what's making it worse is the fact that each and every piece is still very in love with you
About Me
- Forever yours, Mariam
- My name is Mariam and through this blog I'm discovering things about the world, and about myself. Through all my blogs you'll see craziness, political insight, celebrity mania, musical interest, total drama queen-ness,all about boys, and ever changing views on everything. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. You're about read the pages of my epic diary. Welcome to my world, and feel free to come back ;)
Sunday, May 29, 2011
"When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile, cause you're amazing just the way you are"
Last night was fantastic. I got to do one of my favorite things. What is this you ask? I got to go to a concert! Not just any concert but the Hooligans in Wondaland Concert starring Bruno Mars and Janelle Monae. The concert was in Independence, Mo which is an hour and a half from where I live. I had never been to the events center they have but it was really nice. We arrived to a really long line with crazy amounts of people. I bought this really cool Bruno Mars shirt and we entered the arena. It was general admission so we decided to stand on the floor. The opener was Mayer Hawthorne and he was actually really good. I think he was a combination of an R&B, pop, and jazz artists. He was really unique and rocked a red suit with a red bow tie. It was pretty awesome.
After Mayer Hawthorne was Janelle Monae. To be completely honest with you i'd seen her perform at the BET awards but that was it. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from her performance but I really enjoyed it. Janelle also couldn't be placed into just one musical category. She's a little bit of everything and was very unique. She had a really big strong, voice and I wouldn't put it past her to become the Aretha Franklin of our generation. She could really hold those notes. I really enjoyed Tight Rope, and she also covered Smile and I Want You back by Michael Jacksons and the Jackson Five. The best part was when she jumped into the crowd and started crowd surfing. I got to help hold her up for part of it. She looked pretty terrified the entire time though. At moments of her performance it felt like a rock n roll show. She had strobe lights and was going crazy break dancing on the ground. The whole thing was hard to explain.
Bruno Mars was AMAZING! He stole the entire show. He had the cutest little smile and the cutest little laugh I have ever seen. I just wanted to aww the whole entire time. He came out wearing jeans with a green and blue and white striped t-shirt and a jeans vest over it. He had this really cool light blue guitar and a grayish-brownish hat. Bruno was really sensual. He did slow motion grinds to the ground that were so sexy...he also sang ushers song with the part "I'll freak you right I will, I'll freak right will". All the girls in the audience almost fainted it was so attractive. He had a really great voice, it was way better live then on the album. He was a mad awesome guitarist. He played all my favorites, Count on Me, Marry You, The Lazy Song, Grenade, and Just the Way you are, We were only like four or five rows away from the stage and could see him really clearly. He dedicated the last line of nothing on you to a girl in the audience then he was all like, "Don't think I'm fooled adrianne. I know about girls like you. In fact I wrote a song about one" and then he started singing grenade. I also figured out that me and him have the same favorite part. In lazy song, its when the guy says "Oh my god this is great" in a funny voice. He brought out the guy that did that on the cd and it sounded awesome and very authentic. All in all I was really impressed with Hooligans in Wondaland. It was a night I will never forget.
After Mayer Hawthorne was Janelle Monae. To be completely honest with you i'd seen her perform at the BET awards but that was it. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from her performance but I really enjoyed it. Janelle also couldn't be placed into just one musical category. She's a little bit of everything and was very unique. She had a really big strong, voice and I wouldn't put it past her to become the Aretha Franklin of our generation. She could really hold those notes. I really enjoyed Tight Rope, and she also covered Smile and I Want You back by Michael Jacksons and the Jackson Five. The best part was when she jumped into the crowd and started crowd surfing. I got to help hold her up for part of it. She looked pretty terrified the entire time though. At moments of her performance it felt like a rock n roll show. She had strobe lights and was going crazy break dancing on the ground. The whole thing was hard to explain.
Bruno Mars was AMAZING! He stole the entire show. He had the cutest little smile and the cutest little laugh I have ever seen. I just wanted to aww the whole entire time. He came out wearing jeans with a green and blue and white striped t-shirt and a jeans vest over it. He had this really cool light blue guitar and a grayish-brownish hat. Bruno was really sensual. He did slow motion grinds to the ground that were so sexy...he also sang ushers song with the part "I'll freak you right I will, I'll freak right will". All the girls in the audience almost fainted it was so attractive. He had a really great voice, it was way better live then on the album. He was a mad awesome guitarist. He played all my favorites, Count on Me, Marry You, The Lazy Song, Grenade, and Just the Way you are, We were only like four or five rows away from the stage and could see him really clearly. He dedicated the last line of nothing on you to a girl in the audience then he was all like, "Don't think I'm fooled adrianne. I know about girls like you. In fact I wrote a song about one" and then he started singing grenade. I also figured out that me and him have the same favorite part. In lazy song, its when the guy says "Oh my god this is great" in a funny voice. He brought out the guy that did that on the cd and it sounded awesome and very authentic. All in all I was really impressed with Hooligans in Wondaland. It was a night I will never forget.
St. Louis trip, "I had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you"
Dear Blog/Diary/Whatever you want to call this,
I've missed you a lot. I stopped writing for awhile because I got scared and confused and I didn't know how to put those feelings into words. I'll fill you in more about this madness in my head later, first let me tell you about the last couple days of my life. School ended on tuesday and I was beyond relieved. I was getting so tired of homework and difficult tests and just needed to relax. The first day of vacation my mother dropped me off at my girl scout leaders house and we went off to St. Louis. St. Louis is a four hour drive from where I live in kansas so with the help of music, car games, and many little conversations we arrived at the cabin we were going to stay at. It was a really nice place, way better then I excepted. It had three bathrooms, heating, and beds so it wasn't like we were in tents roughing it out or anything. The first day we arrived there was a tornado warning so we had to stay caught in the storm shelter. We made dinner as soon as the tornado was over and headed to the Galleria mall which can be described as heaven on earth. I live in a small town so we don't really have any cool stores so I had a lot of fun getting things from my favorite stores: H&M and Love Culture.
On the second day of the trip it was raining, but that didn't stop us from continuing the adventure. We went to the City Museum which was one of the craziest buildings i've ever been into. The only way I can think to describe it is like a mcdonalds playland times 500. It was like an adventure course with all these slides and stairs and different stops. It was super crowded. They had a really cool antique piano I got to plan and there also was an arts and crafts area and I made some awesome paintings/scribbles on a piece of paper. After the museum we headed off to see the Arch. At first no one wanted to go up and I was really disappointed but then a couple of my friends changed their minds and we went up on saw all of St. Louis from above. It was really cool and I enjoyed it a lot. The elevators you had to ride to get to the top looked like spaceships on the inside so I felt pretty awesome while going up. They also had a little museum underneath with talking robots. I was impressed. We lost our leader and one of the girls and almost had to call the police but then we found funnel cake and abandoned the plan. Eventually they found us and we stopped a potential disaster.
The third and last day was really fun as well. We had to wake up bright and early to go to the St. Louis Zoo which is like no other. It was free to enter but it was the prettiest zoo i've ever been too. It had all these fountains, fake water falls, monuments, and really cool bridges. The animals were also interesting. They had lions and tigers and monkeys and ostriches. It was fun to see. One of my friends almost got attacked by this gigantic bird and it was the funniest thing ever. After the zoo we headed to six flags. It was really nice for an amusement parks. They had all the looney tune characters dressed up in those fake suits and stuff. They designed all the stores to look like you were walking into a t.v. show. It was really nice. I started out on two huge roller coasters then realized that I didn't even like riding them. There was nothing fun about seeing your life flash before your eyes. The rest of the day I went around with the smaller group that was only doing the water rides and littler rides. We had dinner there and headed back to the cabin to make s'mores. I created my own fire, picked the sticks and everything. I was proud.
I really enjoyed the part of the trip where we talked and discussed different things. We had some deep conversations and got to know everyone better. I had a five star time and the trip was the perfect way to start out the summer.
I've missed you a lot. I stopped writing for awhile because I got scared and confused and I didn't know how to put those feelings into words. I'll fill you in more about this madness in my head later, first let me tell you about the last couple days of my life. School ended on tuesday and I was beyond relieved. I was getting so tired of homework and difficult tests and just needed to relax. The first day of vacation my mother dropped me off at my girl scout leaders house and we went off to St. Louis. St. Louis is a four hour drive from where I live in kansas so with the help of music, car games, and many little conversations we arrived at the cabin we were going to stay at. It was a really nice place, way better then I excepted. It had three bathrooms, heating, and beds so it wasn't like we were in tents roughing it out or anything. The first day we arrived there was a tornado warning so we had to stay caught in the storm shelter. We made dinner as soon as the tornado was over and headed to the Galleria mall which can be described as heaven on earth. I live in a small town so we don't really have any cool stores so I had a lot of fun getting things from my favorite stores: H&M and Love Culture.
On the second day of the trip it was raining, but that didn't stop us from continuing the adventure. We went to the City Museum which was one of the craziest buildings i've ever been into. The only way I can think to describe it is like a mcdonalds playland times 500. It was like an adventure course with all these slides and stairs and different stops. It was super crowded. They had a really cool antique piano I got to plan and there also was an arts and crafts area and I made some awesome paintings/scribbles on a piece of paper. After the museum we headed off to see the Arch. At first no one wanted to go up and I was really disappointed but then a couple of my friends changed their minds and we went up on saw all of St. Louis from above. It was really cool and I enjoyed it a lot. The elevators you had to ride to get to the top looked like spaceships on the inside so I felt pretty awesome while going up. They also had a little museum underneath with talking robots. I was impressed. We lost our leader and one of the girls and almost had to call the police but then we found funnel cake and abandoned the plan. Eventually they found us and we stopped a potential disaster.
The third and last day was really fun as well. We had to wake up bright and early to go to the St. Louis Zoo which is like no other. It was free to enter but it was the prettiest zoo i've ever been too. It had all these fountains, fake water falls, monuments, and really cool bridges. The animals were also interesting. They had lions and tigers and monkeys and ostriches. It was fun to see. One of my friends almost got attacked by this gigantic bird and it was the funniest thing ever. After the zoo we headed to six flags. It was really nice for an amusement parks. They had all the looney tune characters dressed up in those fake suits and stuff. They designed all the stores to look like you were walking into a t.v. show. It was really nice. I started out on two huge roller coasters then realized that I didn't even like riding them. There was nothing fun about seeing your life flash before your eyes. The rest of the day I went around with the smaller group that was only doing the water rides and littler rides. We had dinner there and headed back to the cabin to make s'mores. I created my own fire, picked the sticks and everything. I was proud.
I really enjoyed the part of the trip where we talked and discussed different things. We had some deep conversations and got to know everyone better. I had a five star time and the trip was the perfect way to start out the summer.
Monday, May 2, 2011
"You'll wear white and i'll wear out the words I love you & your beautiful/Now the wait is over & love has finally shown her my way..."
After the wedding, The royal family went back to Buckingham Palace with 600 of their guests to take the royal portraits and have a fancy brunch together to celebrate the wedding. There are the royal portraits:
They look very splendid, and very royal. Generations to come will see those photo's and look in admiration just as we do with photos from the wedding of Charles and Diana. A little fun fact about the bridal party, in england the bridesmaids are always little girls like that. The boys were also wearing military outfits similar to that of Prince William. I love how fancy their names are, here it goes
The tall brunette flower girl is Margarita Armstrong-Jones (8), the blond flower girl is Williams cousin Lady Louise Windsor, the blond boy is Williams God Son, his name is Tom Pettifer, the brunette boy was Master William Lowther Pinkerton, The little blond girl is Grace van Cutson (she was the one frowning in the photo to be shown below. She's also Williams god daughter). The small brunette girl is Eliza Lopez the grandchild of Camilla Parker Bowles (step mother to prince wiliam). Don't they have the cutest names. My favorite is lady louise windsor. With those names their going to be great one day.
Upholding the tradition made at William's parents weddings the world waited as the royals finished their brunch and came out into the balcony for their first kiss as an official married couple. The first kiss was quick and very shy, even though William had told his brother to make it long and one to remember. The second kiss was longer and sweeter, my favorite part of the moment was Grave Van Cutson covering her ears and looking angry in the corner.
After the brunch with the 600 party guests Prince Harry threw the bride and groom a more fun party with their closest friends. The parents and grandparents left and they danced around and drank like there was no tomorrow. Prince Harry Catered for the wedding and provided his favorite bacon sandwiches. The two love birds bowed out after midnight for a romantic night, while Prince Harry checked into a hotel with Chelsea only after hitting up the bar till 5 a.m. That girl knows how to have a good time, as does he. So to all you people who were hopping Harry would go for Kate Middletones sister Pippa, its not happening. Both Pippa and Kate had amazing after party dresses, they're really pretty girls (maybe its just the photoshop? naah)
They look very splendid, and very royal. Generations to come will see those photo's and look in admiration just as we do with photos from the wedding of Charles and Diana. A little fun fact about the bridal party, in england the bridesmaids are always little girls like that. The boys were also wearing military outfits similar to that of Prince William. I love how fancy their names are, here it goes
The tall brunette flower girl is Margarita Armstrong-Jones (8), the blond flower girl is Williams cousin Lady Louise Windsor, the blond boy is Williams God Son, his name is Tom Pettifer, the brunette boy was Master William Lowther Pinkerton, The little blond girl is Grace van Cutson (she was the one frowning in the photo to be shown below. She's also Williams god daughter). The small brunette girl is Eliza Lopez the grandchild of Camilla Parker Bowles (step mother to prince wiliam). Don't they have the cutest names. My favorite is lady louise windsor. With those names their going to be great one day.
Upholding the tradition made at William's parents weddings the world waited as the royals finished their brunch and came out into the balcony for their first kiss as an official married couple. The first kiss was quick and very shy, even though William had told his brother to make it long and one to remember. The second kiss was longer and sweeter, my favorite part of the moment was Grave Van Cutson covering her ears and looking angry in the corner.
After the brunch with the 600 party guests Prince Harry threw the bride and groom a more fun party with their closest friends. The parents and grandparents left and they danced around and drank like there was no tomorrow. Prince Harry Catered for the wedding and provided his favorite bacon sandwiches. The two love birds bowed out after midnight for a romantic night, while Prince Harry checked into a hotel with Chelsea only after hitting up the bar till 5 a.m. That girl knows how to have a good time, as does he. So to all you people who were hopping Harry would go for Kate Middletones sister Pippa, its not happening. Both Pippa and Kate had amazing after party dresses, they're really pretty girls (maybe its just the photoshop? naah)
The fairytale continues...
The royal wedding was a very well planned event. Everything was correct and timed down to the last second. I was sitting with my mother in front of the T.V. when they told us that Prince William And Harry would be exiting Buckingham palace and when they came out my heart stopped. They looked so cute, especially Harry with his red hair and freckles. *swoon*. These brothers have been through so much, it was really nice to see how close they still are and how much love they have for each other. (Harry will actually be living in the same royal residence as the Prince & new princess and said he was glad to finally have a sister)
While they were making their grand entrance in the Westminsiter Abbey cathedral i'm sure Catherine was shaking with nearves. Imagine knowing that you were about to have 2 billion people from all over the world watching and judging your every move. She's a brave women for falling in love with a prince. She's also the luckiest. Heres her grand arrival... She looked flawless. The perfect princess
The ceremony was incredibly Romantic. There's never a more beautiful moment in a father daughter relationship then when he takes her down the aisle and hands his little girl to the guy he trusts will love her forever. Kate got that and when they arrived William said, "you look beautiful". What a sweetheart. They said their vow's and promised to be with each other through the good times and the bad times. Kate Middleton requested they take out the part of the vows that says "I will obey" because like any modern couple they want to have mutual respect for each other. Prince William didn't want to wear a wedding band, so he just placed the ring on Kate's finger and there was almost a little trouble getting it on but he did it. After the ceremony was finished and the hymns were sang they got off into their carriage's as the millions of British fans cheered for them.
While they were making their grand entrance in the Westminsiter Abbey cathedral i'm sure Catherine was shaking with nearves. Imagine knowing that you were about to have 2 billion people from all over the world watching and judging your every move. She's a brave women for falling in love with a prince. She's also the luckiest. Heres her grand arrival... She looked flawless. The perfect princess
The ceremony was incredibly Romantic. There's never a more beautiful moment in a father daughter relationship then when he takes her down the aisle and hands his little girl to the guy he trusts will love her forever. Kate got that and when they arrived William said, "you look beautiful". What a sweetheart. They said their vow's and promised to be with each other through the good times and the bad times. Kate Middleton requested they take out the part of the vows that says "I will obey" because like any modern couple they want to have mutual respect for each other. Prince William didn't want to wear a wedding band, so he just placed the ring on Kate's finger and there was almost a little trouble getting it on but he did it. After the ceremony was finished and the hymns were sang they got off into their carriage's as the millions of British fans cheered for them.
Royal Wedding part 1
On April 29th, 2011 at 4:00 a.m. I witnessed a real live fairy-tale. It was an unforgettable moment in history and I enjoyed every moment of it. Don't know what i'm talking about? The Royal Wedding. I woke up at 3 a.m. to watch people begin to arrive and I was green with gucci envy at all the very sophisticated british people and their AMAZING fascinators. No body knows how to rock a crazy hat or fascinator like the royals. The faces that really stood out of the people that arrived were of course the royal family and The Beckhams. They looked so perfect. He was in ralph lauren and she was wearing herself. They were as pretty as a picture...
I also noticed Elton John & his partner walking in, he was in very bright colors...
The future princess, Prince Harry's girlfriend Chelsea
Princess's Eugene & Beatrice arrived in very cool fascinators (thats what they call the half hat, half headbands). These two are Williams lovely cousins.
The future king of england, Prince Charles along with William's step mom Cruella...I meant Camilla
Here's the bride's mother...
Then last but not least, the Queen of England herself (can you believe she's 85 years old ?!?)
This is just the beginning, the story continues in the next blog
I also noticed Elton John & his partner walking in, he was in very bright colors...
The future princess, Prince Harry's girlfriend Chelsea
Princess's Eugene & Beatrice arrived in very cool fascinators (thats what they call the half hat, half headbands). These two are Williams lovely cousins.
The future king of england, Prince Charles along with William's step mom Cruella...I meant Camilla
Here's the bride's mother...
Then last but not least, the Queen of England herself (can you believe she's 85 years old ?!?)
This is just the beginning, the story continues in the next blog
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