"When you think happiness, I hope you think that little black dress. Think of my head on your chest and my old faded blue jeans. When you think Tim McGraw, I hope you think of me"

Good Afternoon Lovers and Friends,

This last weekend was some kind of wonderful. I am grateful for every second of it. Bae and I had planned a trip down to Texas this past week. When the time came, we were worried about having enough money to make the trip happen. We decided to walk by faith and not sight. We woke up semi-early and headed to Texas. It was about 8 hours from Lawrence to Dallas. It took us a bit longer, because of unexpected car trouble. We stopped for a restroom break in Wichita and realized that the undercarriage of the car was falling off. I didn't know what an undercarriage was before this trip. You could tell that it had been falling off before we got the car, because there was a ton of visible, blue tape on the edge of the carriage. We called the car company back home and they advised us to go to the nearest location. The closest one was in a little town called Derby, Kansas. When we arrived to their location the employee let us know that they had no cars there and could not replace the vehicle. They directed us towards an auto shop in town. It was right next to McDonalds. We enjoyed the 2 for 5 while he allegedly removed the undercarriage. He didn't give us the piece back, but said we could drive without it. We were worried, but kept on driving anyways. I drove from part of Oklahoma to Dallas. About two and a half hours total.

When we arrived to Dallas, we quickly changed and decided to make the most of the day. I dressed in a new black dress that was a back up for graduation. It was a little snug, but I like how it made me look. We went to Beni Hana's. There was a 45 minute wait, but they had us seated in 15. The first thing I noticed was how diverse Dallas was. There were Caucasians, Asians, African Americans, and Hispanics at the restaurant. We shared a hibachi table with an Indian mother and her three sons. I ordered the teryaki chicken with fried rice instead of steamed. No mushrooms of course. The food was delicious and the chef knew all kinds of tricks. He did the volcano, and made the rice into the shape of a fish and heart. He juggled his utensils as well. We enjoyed the meal and headed back to the hotel. We got a good nights rest and woke up the following day ready to see all that Dallas had to offer.

Our first stop was the George W. Bush Presidential Library. I'm not a republican, but I love presidential libraries. It's nice seeing that particular presidents own interpretation of their presidency. The tickets were pretty pricey, but I took the hit. They were doing a series on Camp David and presidential retreats, so we stopped there first. It talked about all the different places past presidents spent their holidays and vacationed. I enjoyed seeing the Obama family's Hawaii pictures. The Bush family spent all their Christmas's at Camp David. They are lucky to have experienced the pomp and circumstance of the white house twice. After wandering through the display, we started our journey through the actual library. George W. was very humble about his presidency and made it clear that he never intended to be a war time president. He had a lot of goals and ideas that he did not get to see through because of the horrific events that happened the September of his first year and term. My favorite part of the library was seeing the work that their family has done in Africa. Zanzibar was mentioned multiple times and they had Kanga's as well as a Swahili bible that made me proud of my heritage. After taking full advantage of all the photo-ops, we were there for around 3 hours.

After the presidential library, we went to In and Out. It was Bae's first time. He really liked it. I enjoyed it as well. That was when I first realized that there are palm trees in Texas. After lunch, we headed to Klyde Warren Park. There was no nearby parking, so we had to part at Whole Foods and walk. I was not used to the Texas heat and humidity. The walk felt like it took a lifetime. I was too cheap to download the apps that gave us access to the motor scooters and bikes all around town. The park was really pretty. They had structures, colorful chairs, and fountains that kids could play in. There was also a Southwest lounge area that was very posh. We took photos and enjoyed that location. Our last stop of the day was reunion tower.

When we arrived at Reunion Tower, Bae told me that he was scared of heights. He repeated it multiple times, but I didn't take it seriously. We hopped on the elevator and got to the top of reunio tower. We could see the entire city from the top of the tower. After a couple minutes outside in the viewing area, bae said that he was done. He did not like being that high up. I wandered around outside and facetimed my aunt. She got to see the view. Bae soon came out and stated that he was ready to go. I asked him to take a couple more pictures and rudely teased him about his fear of heights. I had no idea that he was really scared. The final straw for him was when I sticked my hand out through the fence of the tower. He got really upset, and I realized that his fear was real. It was mean of me not to take it seriously. We rode the elevator down and raided the gift shop. I got a fridge magnet, postcards for my collection, and a Dallas Cowbodys fridge magnet for his grandmother. We got in the car and headed to Killeen, Texas. That's where the next story begins.

Song of the Day : Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift

Quote of the Day: "Better to see something once than hear about it 1000 times".YYou s

"Whatever will be, will be. The Futures not ours to see. Que Sera Sera"

Hello Faithful Readers (aka me at the end of the year),

I can't believe that I haven't updated this since January. Being in graduate school just takes up so much time and energy. So many things that I love get put to the side. One of those things is writing on this blog. It's May. The last two Mays have been months filled with anxiety. May is the month when final grades get posted and I find out whether or not I get to continue working towards my dream. At this point in time, I have invested 7 years to this goal. If I count the days I spent volunteering and studying in high school for this very same goal, it's more than 7 years. Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it. The attitude that I have had these last 3 years is "Whatever will be, will be. The futures not ours to see. Que Sera Sera". Doris Day passed away this year, but her song will stay in my heart forever. It's gotten me through many anxiety filled times. I was listening to a sermon at church when the pastor talked about the "whatever will be, will be" attitude. He said that the attitude is not faith filled. As people of faith we have to believe that all things will come together for good, because we love the Lord and trust in him. Believing that I can actually accomplish my goals adds a lot of pressure I felt like I couldn't handle. But I placed by burdens unto Jesus and did it. I studied late into the night this past finals week and prayed with everything in me. I passed all of my finals. Some grades went up and others went down. It ended in a boost to my semester and cumulative GPA.

When I finished my exam, it didn't seem like I had really done it. I calculated my GPA over and over again. I did best and worse case scenarios over and over again. After 40 minutes of starring at the screen, I realized that I had done it. For once, I don't have to spend May stressing out. By that time, I had missed the champagne bottles spraying all over the back parking lot by my cohort. Unlike a majority of them, I still have 8 credit hours left before I complete the didactic curriculum. This upcoming year will be relaxed. I will not be a full time student and will have time to commit to many other things. I can read again and spend more time with family. I can keep my home cleaner. I can work more and have more money to work with. I can travel more. I am basically getting my life back. Prayers that everything continues to go well and I eventually reach my ultimate goal of earning my PHD. I now have two bachelors degrees, and I'm grateful.


My second graduation went well. I decided not to invite any friends or extended family to this one. I didn't want to have to throw a grad party and pay for food for all these other people. I didn't want to have to worry about keeping the conversation going.  I wanted my day to be about me. I knew my immediate family and lover would never taken away from my joy and moment, so that would be okay. My high school friends did not really care about whether or not I invited them. I honestly think they were glad that I didn't say anything. Some of them congratulated me. Others didn't, but that's okay. It is what it is.

Something beautiful and her five wonderful children came in town. That turned out to be a blessing. Her kids were fun and filled me with hugs and funny stories all weekend long. They kept my company while dancing to Michael Jackson songs and singing We are the World while decorating my graduation camp. I have this idea for Black Lizzie. I wanted to write "Hey Now! This is what dreams are made of" on my graduation cap. I wanted a gold glitter background, red and white flowers, and a cartoon of myself as Lizzie McGuire. I contacted the two artists closest to me, but neither was willing to draw the cartoon. My brother asked someone he knew from high school if she would be willing to do it. She claimed she would do it for me but got to me Saturday afternoon and said she couldn't. It broke my heart, but God works in mysterious ways. I ended up finding someone to do it last minute. It was a great job. I loved the cartoon and it looked great on my cap. My cap was easily my favorite part of graduating.

The Saturday before graduating I had a million things to do. I got my hair done and highlighted. I had to go to the mall to get some foundation. I also had to find pants for my lover and shoes for me. I decided to get a manicure and pedicure in Overland Park in order to save money. I was in the zone and happy to be doing things for me. I had plans to celebrate the graduation with my bestie and her bestie with dinner and a movie. We had these plans before I even reminded her that I was graduating. I told her that getting together that day would be enough and she did not need to come to the actual graduation. I ended up having to cancel on dinner and a movie, because I spent more money than I had planned to. I also was still at the mall and did not want to speed home in the rain. My cap still wasn't done, so I wanted to commit the next few hours to that. Canceling last minute made her really upset. Part of me understood and part of me didn't. She still had to drive all this way, but I knew that she had the other girl to experience the day with. She ended up dropping off a gift that I really appreciated. I thanked her, but she was upset. She turned my day about her. I was upset, but not surprised.

The actual graduation flew by. Nothing too meaningful was said except "stay on your parents phone plan as long as you can". That's the motto. My family was really proud of me. I got to do a photo shoot after the graduation at all the spots I like at KU. The pictures turned out lovely. After the photos, we had biriyani and went to my cousin's high school graduation party. It was nice to see them too. Overall a great and memorable day. I have two degrees!! Yay!!

Song of the Day : Que Sera Sera - Doris Day

Quote of the Day : "Maybe I'm an outfit repeater, but you're an outfit rememberer"- Lizzie McGuire

We're Cheetah Sisters. We Stand Together. We Make Up One Big Family Though We Don't Look The Same.

On January 13th, I celebrated 106 years of sisterhood, service, and scholarship with my chapter sisters. This celebration wouldn't have come together if my oldest spec and I hadn't set up the event. I hadn't seen her in a year. I hadn't seen one of my line sisters in 6 months. A long time had passed. These are people I really care about. Everyone just gets so busy, and you start to worry whether or not it will be awkward. I woke up at 9:00am. I showered, curled my hair, and did my makeup. By the time 11:00am rolled around, I was late to church. I made it at about 10 after. There was a guest preacher who came and spoke about the disciples. Particularly Matthew. He talked about how Matthew had been a tax collector working for the Roman Empire prior to leaving it all to follow Jesus. He talked about how different the people who left it all to follow Jesus were. How they all still managed to work together. We also ended the service with a deep prayer about how it is possible to hear Jesus speak to you. The service ran over and I knew I was going to be late. I ran to Walmart to get an elephant for the gift exchange. I also got a card for my sorority sister that was recently diagnosed with cancer. By the time I had made it home, I realized that I had bae's key. I had to have my kind, caring baby brother take it over to him. I threw on a shirt I had with all the founders name on it, put on some lipstick, and rushed to get ready as fast as I could.

What I didn't know was that my ride would also be making a stop in Leavenworth. 40 minutes away from my home and 40 minutes away from the restaurant. If I had known, I would have driven myself. I know that sounds bad, but I wanted to be on time. I was one of the people that put the event together and I felt that being late was disrespecting everyone's time. I knew that the stop in Leavenworth was important and had to be done, but it put a little damper on the day.

The rest of the day went wonderfully. We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. When we arrived everyone had already been seated and ordered food. I went ahead and ordered the Cajun chicken littles, macaroni and cheese, and mashed potatoes. It was delicious as always. Before we had even finished our food, some guests were ready to leave. We have a sorority sister with a new boyfriend who couldn't wait to get back to him. I understood, because two founder's day ago I skipped in order to spend time with bae at a hotel bae and I had gotten together. New love means always wanting to be together. I thought it was cute, but everyone else was roasting her and rolling their eyes. It's hard to understand if you've never felt that way before. We got up in the middle of our meal and took photos by the staircase. It's funny, because this made the waitress assume that we weren't going to pay for our meal. I was very offended and kept ensuring her we would be back to pay. She wouldn't let it go. We got some decent pictures. I was just happy that all of us were together again.

Four of us stayed and chatted about various things for quite awhile. Some of the conversation was interesting and some of it was boring. Some of it we had talked about at least 50 times before. We talked about how one of our lines never get along. We talked about the made vs. not made stuff Greeks can't get enough of. After dinner, we headed to a get together for all women in our sorority. I was expecting a boring party, but it was actually really fun. They had cake, drinks, and a DJ playing great music. I got to see all my delta mamas and the women who led me to Deltaland. We got to take photos with them and talk a bit.

The best part of the night came from visiting my soror who was recently diagnosed with cancer. We went to her home for the first time. We told her what's been going on with us. She told us about how she's already done two rounds of treatment. She told us that she hasn't been having terrible side effects aside from a sore mouth. She told us about how cooperative her job was being even though she doesn't have paid time off yet. She told us about how she had been praying on the word trust for a year. She ended up getting a job at a trust fund and now has the hard journey to go through. She was positive which left me encouraged. We gave her a card and some money that we had donated. It brought her to tears which almost brought me to tears. She deserved the small token of our appreciation and more. It was the most special moment of the day to me. When people treat you well, it feels good to have an opportunity to return the favor and show your love and appreciation.

I ended the day feeling whole.

Song of the Day: Cheetah Sisters by the Cheetah Girls

Quote of the Day: “Never hold resentments for the person who tells you what you need to hear; count them among your truest, most caring, and valuable friends.”   (This meme is going around about valuing friends that tell you the truth when its not easy. It really spoke to me, because that was a big friendship issue I had last year.)

"Eyes Haven't Seen. & Ears Haven't Heard. The Kind of Blessings That's About To Follow Me"

I haven't put much thought into my New Years Resolutions this year. I had a nice end of the year review, but I didn't do much looking forward. Since I'm sitting here at my job with nothing to do, I might as well.

1. Grow in my relationship with God. I have grown in some ways over the last couple years and fallen off in others. I had gotten to the point where I read my bible every night and prayed every night, but that all kind of changed. I grew in my faith enough to not feel like I have to constantly beg God to make things go my way. That wasn't the relationship I wanted with him anymore. Especially when it came to school. But I do long for daily quiet time with the Lord. Time to read his word and set my mind of the right path. Since the new year started, I've been having trouble falling asleep. I think its because I need that time again. I would also like to continue attending the bible study I joined this last fall. I want to work towards being more open with them. I need a group of people I can be completely honest with. I've become very closed off in the last year and a half-ish.

2. Graduate and make progress on my degree. No need to write even more about this. It's just something that I have to buckle down on and do.

3. Stop worrying about things outside of my control. In May, I decided that I was ready to start trying to have a baby. No one knows this, but I had become pretty much consumed by this in my free time since I made the decision. I read all these blogs, I stalk all these mom accounts or fertility accounts on Instagram, and I'm always hoping that this is the month it'll happen. I have no doubt that 2019 will be my year, but I really have to stop fixating on it so much. It's not healthy. I think some of it stems from boredom. I need to spend the mental energy I put into thinking about that in to something else.

Same goes for fixating on my BFs family and whether or not they like me. I will treat them with the kindness and respect that I show everyone else. If that's not enough then *shrugs*.

4. Make more memories with people I love. Time is the most precious thing we have and I don't doubt it for one minute. If I want to bother my mom, dad, and brother at least once a day for no reason, then I will. If I want to call them all the time, I will. I want to send more texts saying "I love you". I don't want to be involved in any more silly arguments with friends. I just want it to be all love from here on out. I want to give out as much love as I possibly can.

5. I need to make healthier lifestyle choices. It's embarrassing that this is on my list every year and every year I gain more and more weight and do not exercise. This year I want to start with exercise. Even if I don't lose weight, I want to work out more. I also want to stay away from fast food as much as possible. I will initially try to cut it out  all together, but if that becomes too much I'll limit it to once a week. In 2018, I had weeks where I consumed fast food every other day. Food cannot be my source of joy or comfort when I have to deal with school related stress. If I make those two small changes, I'll be proud of myself.

6. Learn to trust more. I need to have complete faith in my relationship. This is really hard to do, but I'm going to work on it. We can't move to the next step without me loosening the leash a bit. We'll see if I can do it.

I think that list covers it. I didn't add any work related goals, because I don't have any. I want to chill on work this year. The 14 hour days I was working last summer wore me out. As much as I love and appreciate material things, I don't want to go through that again. I want to rest. I want to budget my money better, so I don't have to work as much and live paycheck to paycheck. I work part time and go to school full time. I'm no longer interested in trying to keep up with people who work full time. I don't want to live above my means. Can't wait to see what joy and blessings this year brings. I'm staying positive about this year, because I have no reason not to.  God is good to those who love him.

Prayers for long life, good health, love, laughter, and joy for me, my family, and friends.

Song of the Day : I'm Getting Ready by Tasha Cobbs

Quote of the Day : "Let go of yesterday. Let today be a new beginning and be the best that you can, and you’ll get to where God wants you to be.” – Joel Osteen

Things I Want To Remember About 2018.

1. Being front row at the Drake concert. Nothing was the same. I got to experience this concert with some of my closest friends and he looked right at me hundreds of times. We were right behind Chubs the entire show.

2. My last moments with my angel friend. The feeling at the hospital was heavy and full of hurt, but what outweighed that was the feelings of love. The bond I have with the people in that room is unbreakable. I will never forget those moments. I won't forget the last living moments either. Going to see Mama Mia and Life Itself together. Attending her housewarming party and Sarah's.

3. My best friend's wedding. I got to celebrate twice, almost six months apart. There's something special about seeing someone you care about getting their happily ever after. We always talked about getting married and who we would end up with. She found someone that truly loves her for all that she is. I'm thankful for that.

4. The birth of my God Son. That little boy came into this world and stole my heart. He is so cute, smart, and fun to be around. I love holding him and playing with him. I love to see him smile, laugh, clap, and attempt to point at things. I loved finding cute holiday outfits for him to wear on Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. He is everything good in the world, and I'm so lucky to get to see him grow up and be part of his life.

5. Diamond concert with my mama and aunt. I love those two women, and we don't get to do so many fun things together. I think its because we all work so hard. It was great to have a night of fun together. Well deserved. Wish we could have convinced my dad to go.

6. My birthday. It was a beautiful celebration and I loved every minute of it. I'm lucky to love and be loved by so many people.

7. Completing this past semester of school. I finally got a great GPA and felt the rewards of my hard work. It was a really good feeling.

8. My little brother's high school graduation and all his senior events. I loved seeing him perform in so many Encore ensembles. Encore was so important to me in high school and it was fun watching him follow in my foot steps. He lights up on the stage. He was in chamber choir. I enjoyed hearing all those performances as well. I loved watching him get ready for Prom and was proud of him for bringing a date. I am so proud of the person he is and continues to become.

9. Going to the Zoo and exploring KC with the cousins. That was a great couple days. We had a lot of fun.

10. Cooking meals for my love and I. I always wanted to be a woman who made sure her man was fed well.I learned all kinds of new recipes and perfected the ones that I already know. The meals I make a lot include fried chicken strips, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, scalloped potatoes, quesadillas, nachos, pork chops, and pasta. I also made an entire Thanksgiving meal filled with everything he wanted. I was very proud of how the meal turned out.I made cornread, turkey legs, dirty rice, yams, macaroni and cheese. It was great.

11. Getting to decorate a home. I really enjoyed bringing different pieces together and turning a house in to a home. Working at HomeGoods helped a lot, because I had so many new ideas. Home decorating is definitely a new found passion of mine.

12. Falling in love with reading again over the summer. These are the books I enjoyed the most :

•  Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie
• Two by Two by Nicholas Sparks
• The Misadventures of an Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae
• See Me by Nicholas Sparks
• Why Not Me? By Mindy Kaling
• Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi
• An American Marriage by Tayari Jones
• The You I've Never Known by Ellen Hopkins
• The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory
• After You by Jojo Moyes
• This is Me by Chrissy Metz 
• Motherhood by Sheila Heti

13. Date Nights. 

• We celebrated our anniversary by going to a KU Basketball game. We got to watch KU play Texas Tech. Much to my surprise, Texas Tech won. He was smiling ear to ear and all of Allen Field House had no idea how to take the upset. We then went to the grocery store and went home to make nachos for dinner. 
• We spent valentine's day in a fight. I got upset, because he insisted on seeing his present before I was ready to give it to him. I had gotten him some polo clothes which I knew he would love. He gave me my gift days early. The night ended well though. He surprised me by taking me to Olive Garden and we met this cute, old couple. The man told us funny jokes and he liked bae so much that he offered him a job at a restaurant his son manages in KC. 
• We went to Dave and Busters a couple of times. I enjoyed playing the basketball game and guitar hero. 
• Our night at the fair. It was nice to see all the rides. I insisted that he win me a stuffed animal, because I wanted a movie moment. It was too much pressure and he was unable to do it. So I won a small elephant for myself. I named her Ellie and we still have her. We also ate funnel cake. 
• We went to Bolings over the summer. But only after stopping by Princess Garden first. We walked in and realized they were only doing to go orders. The entire restaurant was booked for a wedding. All of the Asians guests looked at us surprised. They had no black guests, so we stuck out like a sore thumb. 
• Movie nights. We went to see The Acrimony, Tag, and Crazy Rich Asians together. Tag was not my favorite. I fell asleep during that one. But I loved the Acrimony and Crazy Rich Asians. 
• Ice skating the night before my birthday. 
• Watching the fire works together on fourth of July and kissing underneath the fireworks. 
• Black Friday shopping together. We hit up Walmart the night of Thanksgiving. The next day we went to the mall and got all kinds of things that we loved. We ended the day with lunch at Jack Stacks. Delicious bbq. 
• We went to Kobe for some hibachi and he ordered just onions for his vegetables. They ended up giving him a huge plate of onions that was comical. We got a ton of food that day. 
• We went on a double date to the pumpkin patch an got lots of cute photos. 
• Seeing 2 Chainz perform at Late Night in the Phog. He even danced a little at that concert. 
• Random lunch dates at the Cheesecake Factory and random breakfasts at the Big Biscuit. 
• When he paid to get my nails done and I got him NBA 2k19. 
• This isn't even all of them. We've had some great moments together.

14. Attending Bible Study and getting to know more people at church. I had a lot of great praise and worship moments at church. A lot of messages moved me. I am happy at the church. I also loved surprised my mom at church. She was so happy to sing with me and worship with me. The look on her face was priceless. 

15. Going to all my brothers choir and band performances with my family. Just being around the house with my family. I love them so much. 

16. Us young people getting the house to ourselves while my parents were in Africa. It was nice getting to bond and run the home our way for a little while. 

17. The television shows that stole my heart this year. 

• 90 Day Fiance/Before the 90 days/90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After
• Queen Sugar
• Love Is
• Greenleaf
• This is Us
• A Million Little Things
• Grace and Frankie
• Chewing Game
• She Gotta Have It 
• Red Table Talk
• Ball in the Family 
• Counting On : The Duggars
• Sister Wives 
• Married At First Sight
• The Mindy Project
• Keeping up with the Kardashians (when I had time)
• Teen Mom (when I had time)  

18. Celebrating Thanksgiving. We started the day with breakfast together. We then moved on to lunch with my family. Typical lunch that we all love : biryani, turkey, sambusa, catlesi, mandazi, chapati, kachori, kababu. It was delicious. We then got to spend the day with my future father in law. We went to his cousins house and met some really sweet, genuine people. 

19. Christmas 2018. We threw a party on Christmas eve which I cooked for. The meal consisted of fried chicken strips, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, corn bread, cupcakes, and reindeer cookies. We started the day with another big breakfast. Waffles, hash browns, sausage, and cheesy eggs. We then got ready for lunch with my family. We went to my future father in laws and watched the christmas blackish episode. We then went back to open gifts with my family. I led the gift giving and recorded everything. There were so many laughs. 

20. My last day at my old job. I am so lucky to have had the chance to work with so many beautiful people. They helped me grow and have been my family for the last 3 years. I cried the day I had to leave. Ugly tears in front of them. I brought a Thank You card for everyone that I worked with. They had a goodbye party for me with lots of snacks. It was a beautiful day. Filled with lots of love. 

21. I started a new job and am finally making some money. I am still in an office and get to work with kind, friendly people. I got to take a nice professional picture. I have my own cubicle. Can't complain. All glory to God. 

"Still every team's number one pick in the draft. I'm Kobe. KD. Kyrie. Pick a K"

Hello World,

My birthday is my favorite day of the year every year. I have always loved my birthday more than the usual person and seem to love it more and more every year. This year I thought of it as more than just a birthday. I thought of it as a celebration of my life and a day to Thank God for allowing me to see another year of life. Not everyone was blessed with more time, and I am so so grateful that I was. This year I turned 25. 25 years old. I started this blog when I was 15 years old. I have almost 10 years of feelings, thoughts, fears, and growth here. I do not utilize it as often as I used to, but it's on my to do list. Writing my feelings is a lot more affordable than going to therapy.

For the second year in a row, I did not have to take a final on my birthday. I finished all my exams on Friday, December 14th. I passed everything with flying colors. Only one C this semester. I was extremely proud of my progress and how far I've come academically. I will continue to push for better grades next semester and study as hard as I possibly can. I still don't want all my hard work to be for nothing. I want this degree. I'm hungry for it.

I started my birthday celebration immediately after my last final. I went home and showered, did my hair, and picked out an outfit. the most memorable thing about my birthday outfit will have to be the fanny pack I purchased. Kim Kardashian started this fad where you were your fanny pack over your shoulder. The same fad happened when I was in middle school with the north face fanny packs. Instead of wearing the bag part on our backs like we did in 2007, they flipped it. The bag part sits on our chest. I never participated in the trend in 2007, so I was excited to participate this time. I wore a black, white, and read off the shoulder top with bell sleeves with fleece lined leggings, and black faux leather boots. My fanny pack was from Boohoo. It was also faux leather. I got it for less than $10.

My love and I did a quick photoshoot then headed to the Plaza in Kansas City. We were lucky enough to get a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. I was really excited to try the Shake Shack. When I arrived, I realized that the Shake Shack was not what I expected it to be. It was packed. The line went from the cash register to the door. The restaurant itself was relatively small. There were not nearly enough seats for everyone eating there. People were jumping to save seats whenever someone got up. This resulted in a majority of the people having tables before their food arrived. The people who did have food had no where to sit. We waited about an hour for our food. It was a hectic mess with people ordering from postmates online.They didn't have nearly enough staff for all of this. Our buzzers went off before our food was ready. We did eventually get our food. We had to sit outside despite it being cold. This all sounds fairly negative, but I was still all smiles. I like a hectic, popular restaurant. I like to people watch and I like the hustle and bustle. One woman came outside to tell my love and I that there might be a seat becoming available. She felt bad, because they had a table despite not having food and we didn't have one. The right thing to do would have been to give us her table. But we all know people are nice. Just not that nice. The food was delicious. I had a bacon burger with cherry peppers. It really hit the spot. I also had bacon and cheese fries. I was in plus size girl heaven.

After finishing our meal, we headed to Crown Center. We found the parking garage and ventured around the mall for a few minutes. There was a children's choir singing carols. They had giant nutcrackers and pretty lights everywhere. It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas. It all warmed my heart. I love Christmas just as much as I love my birthday. We walked towards the ice skating rink and got in line. We were in line for about 45 minutes. My love helped me put my skates on, because I have always been bad at making sure my laces are tight enough. We skated for about an hour. It was his first time ice skating, but he did better than me. He had no fear. He left the wall and just went for it. He was making full rounds around the ice skating ring. We took some videos. They were playing Christmas carols. My heart was happy. We went back to Lawrence after ice skating and started a new day.

Saturday was spent resting, relaxing, and treating myself. I spent time with my family that morning and tried on the outfits that I planned to wear for my big day. I got copies made of some of my favorite childhood pictures for my birthday party decor. I then went to get my nails done. I got acrylics in purple, white, and gold. The this was the theme of my birthday. Turning 24 made this my Kobe Year. I wanted everything to be Laker's colors. Finding a purple dress proved to be harder than you would think though, so I got a black birthday outfit. After getting my nails done, I went to the ATM to get money out for my hair stylist. The ATM ended up eating my credit card. I was in tears by the time I got to my hair stylist. She tried to cheer me up about everything. She made my hair look cute. I wanted straight hair for the first time in a long time. She cut it to right about my shoulder. I ended up not minding. It was fairly cute. After getting my hair done, I went to run some last minute errands and get a REALLY late mcdonalds mcchicken lunch. I then prepared for my long time friends birthday dinner.

I was starting to get ready at the time I should have been leaving for the party. It was really bad. But I still needed to shave, shower, and do my makeup. I found an outfit and hit the road. I arrived to the party 45 minutes late. I felt really bad, because I really wanted to be on time for her. It was not a good friend moment. I let her down. I made it up to her by being the only friend that agreed to going out with her following the dinner. We went to an uppity bar calked the Monarch. I had a good time there. It was a cute vibe, but I wish there could have been dancing. I also wanted to be back with my love when the clock hit midnight. I ended up stopping by Denny's for a free birthday meal on my way home.

I woke up early on the day of my actual birthday and went to the early church service. We sang songs and had a great sermon that related to advent. I love the church calendar and traditional messages leading up to Christmas, so it was every thing and more. After Church we stopped by Dillons to pick up the balloons and finish last minute crafting. I got dressed then headed to the restaurant to decorate. I had flower petals on the table, my cupcakes in the shake of 24, balloons. It was a dream come true. My closest friends and family members came. We listened to my Mamba Mentality playlist. I had chicken friend rice and they sang Happy Birthday to Me. I also got a phenomenal photo shoot after. The whole day was perfect. I am ecstatic to celebrate another year of life and do it surrounded by people I love.

Song of the day : Ganja Burns by Nicki Minaj

Quote of the Day: "If you see me in a fight with a bear, pray for the bear. That's Mamba Mentality"

Top Songs of 2018

Every year I make my annual Top Songs of the Year list. It's one of my favorite things to do around New Years Eve. This year was the most difficult to make. If I was being honest, I would probably make songs 1-10 songs from Scorpion. Drake was the only artist that really spoke to me this year. I do not like these new age rappers. Lucid Dreams was the only song that really made an impact and stuck with me. I realized I liked it because it got stuck in my head for most of the month of December. I didn't have the song, but it would stick with me every time I heard it on the radio.

1. In My Feelings by Drake : This is hands down the song of the summer. Everyone was jumping out of cars and doing the the dance to the song. "KEKE!" was the caption to way too many Instagram photos. It was upbeat and made you want to shake it. It automatically put me in a good mood. The music video was very cute. Lala Anthony was in it. Seeing as she was separated from Carmelo when she made the video, it was even cuter.

2. God's Plan by Drake : This song was basically a spiritual for me this year. It inspired me and motivated me when I didn't know what was going to happen with school last May. Lets not forget yelling out "She say do you love me I tell her only partly, I only love my bed and my mama I'm sorry" every. single. time.

3. Nice For What by Drake : This was a women's empowerment song. The music video had so many inspirational women from this generation. He gave us plenty of Instagram captions as always. I like that he acknowledged working women. This summer I was working 2 jobs, 14 hour days. It was exhausting. But I was "working hard girl, everything paid for. First, last phone bill, car note, cable".

4. Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande : Ariana Grande has been a popular artist for quite some time now, but she was never on my radar. I thought of her as a child star from after my generation. I just assumed her music was for younger people. Thank U, Next was everything though. I've had it on repeat since I heard it in November. The Mean Girls references in the music video made my heart happy and who could forget Kris Jenner playing Regina George's mom. It was iconic.

5. Boo'd Up by Ella Mai : This song was every where this year. There were Boo'd Up challenges where people would make their own raps. It had a classic feel that just made you smile inside. I got to spend the year Boo'd Up with my love. It felt good.

6. I Like It by Cardi B : There is no denying that 2018 was Cardi B's year. She got engaged, married, and had baby Kulture. We were all following her to see the latest thing she would do, okurrrr? I was team Nicki when it came down to that feud, but this song was a jam. It belongs on the top 10 songs of the year. Even I can't deny that.

7. Freaky Friday by Lil Dicky and Chris Brown : This song was different! The beat was good and Chris Brown's voice has made me melt since I was a teenager. I liked how it was funny and how so many stars I love made suprise appearances. I enjoyed Ed Sheeran and Kendall Jenner the most.

8. Girls Like Me by Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B : I've been a Maroon 5 song for a really long time. This song proved that they still got it.

9. Smile (Living my Best Life) by Lil Duval : Bae was in love with this song. I thought it was a joke at first, because the song was so free. I didn't think it could be a radio hit, but it became one. It was a good reminder to be grateful for whatever you have. He said be thankful if you're "eating good off your food stamp card". Just a friendly, funny reminder that we all have a lot of be happy about.

10. Eastside by Benny Blanco, Halsey, & Khalid : I found this song a couple weeks ago. The beat makes me want to dance. It gives me reggae/dance hall vibes. Can't get enough.

11. Taste by Tyga and Offset : I was the last person that expected Tyga to make a come back in 2018. He spent 2015-2018 as a running joke. It just didn't seem like he could release a good song. There was honestly no coming back from the line "she a big girl, when she stimulated". He was viciously dumped by Kylie and she quickly moved on to Travis Scott and started a brand new life. But he broke the "Kardashian curse" and released a gem. This song makes me want to dance.

12. Big Bank by YG, 2 Chainz, Nicki Minaj, and Big Sean : I love all the artists in this song. I have seen all of them live. This song has my heart. My favorite memory with this song would have to be going to Late Night at the Phog and seeing 2 Chainz perform his verse in this song. It was lit. I loved it.

13. Barbie Tingz by Nicki Minaj :  Nicki had a really tough year. I felt bad for her. It was supposed to be her come back, but the media focused on the negatives and boy were there a lot of negatives. She had her feud with Cardi B, she dated a child molester, she lost the number one spot on the chart to Travis Scott, and Drake unfollowed her. It was sad. This song was my favorite of the ones she released this year. I was sad that she left it off the album. It was classic Nicki. "All tea, all shade, bitch all offense".

14. Sandra's Rose by Drake : This song was special to me. It was classic, soft, story telling Drake. I thought that the sweetest lines from the album came from this song. "I'm the chosen one, flowers never pick themselves".

15. Uproar by Lil Wayne : Carter 5 is the album everyone has been waiting on for years. Weezy is finally free and this song gave us the classic vibes that everyone loves. Hands down my favorite song from the album.

16. Ganja Burn by Nicki Minaj: I got my birthday caption from this song. "Still every teams number one pick in the draft. I'm Kobe. Kyrie. KD. Pick a K".

17. Get Along by Kenny Chesney: This song is real classic country. Not an ounce of pop. I liked the guitar and the message. It was a much needed song given the politcal climate in 2018.

18. Come See About Me by Nicki Minaj 

19. Lucid Dreams by Juice World : This song always managed to get stuck in my head. I didn't have it downloaded but would hear it on the radio all the time. The fact that it stuck with me and is by a new age rapper means it's worthy of the list.

20: Be Careful by Cardi B : only because "I want to get married. Like the Curry's: Steph and Ayesha" is a big mood.

Honorable Mention : The Middle by people I don't know.

Top Praise & Worship Songs of the Year 

1. Reckless Love by Cory Asbury : This song was everything. I have definitely cried singing these lyrics this year. It perfectly described the love that God has for us. We couldn't run away from hs love even if we tried. He's here for us through all of it.

2. I Give Myself away by William McDowell : This year I learned to let go. To give it to God. And when I give it to God, I don't have to pester him and remind him all the time. I don't have to fear that he's forgotten about me. I just have to have faith that he will use me and move me in the right direction.

3. The Answer by Jeremy Camp : Jesus is the answer to every question.

4. Living Hope by Phil Wickam : This song started like a hymn. I am big on hymns. It touched my heart.

5. The Break Up Song by Francesca Battistelli : "Fear you don't own me!". Another big theme that I hung on to this year. I will not let fear over take me and keep me from reaching my fullest potential.


African Songs of the Year : 

Bae loved "Man Don't Dance" and "Man Not Hot". It made me smile that my American boyfriene was entertained by songs by African Artists. Honestly didn't find many other new songs.

Maybe Hodari. I liked that song at my friends wedding.



Another year, another list. Thank you for reading.