Our generation is just unbelievably different from any one before us. There are some positives and negatives to these societal changes. I am very thankful for the GPS. Driving is hard enough as it is. I couldn't imagine being on the highway trying to make sense of a map and calculating miles by looking at the little box next to the speedometer. Way too much work. A friend of mine recently introduced me to this app called LuLu. You basically hook it up to your facebook and it gives you rankings on guys your friends with. You're also able to search different guys and get rankings on them. The rankings on a scale of 1-10 and their based on personality, looks, income levels, and general lifestyle information. People that have supposedly dated them, hooked up with them, or befriended them are the ones that make the rankings. Their not long paragraphs describing the relationship they've had with them, but hashtags that state things like "#ObssessedwithMom #CheaperThanABigMac, #RespectsWomen, #KinkyInTheRightWays so on and so forth. It's very fun to look through different people and see what people have said about them.
In all honesty, I initially thought the entire thing was wrong. We hate it when guys rank us based on features and stuff, but here we are doing the same thing to them. I know that you can't explain who I am through a series of silly hash tags, so why should I believe that these hashtags tell the truth about the guys Lulu talks about. Of course, after 24 hours I let go of those opinions and downloaded it. I may or may not have read posts about a couple crushes I've had and did a happy dance when people I liked didn't have a page. No page means they didn't hook up with anyone random or hurt anyone enough for them to write a nasty virtual review about them later. The previous sentence is our generations definition of a winning guy. It's so sad.
The same night I was introduced to Lulu, I watched the notebook with a friend. She had never seen it before, and I personally believe it's every woman's right of passage to see the notebook. It shows you how beautiful life can be for those who are lucky enough to find true love. Noah is the perfect gentlemen who treats Allie like a queen. He stands by her no matter how many times life gets in their way. He's a dream. I started thinking about what hashtags Noah's page would have. He would definitely have #CheaperThanABigMac because he wasn't the most well of of men. He would have #TooCoolForSchool, because he never went to college. On paper, Noah was kind of a loser. He wasn't educated and had a terrible job. He had a couple slow tendencies like the stuttering when he was young. He was a loner and didn't seem to have many friends, so there would be #loner or whatever creative way they would phrase that. After reading his page you would be lead to think that he wasn't worth giving a chance. None of those hashtags say anything about who the person truly is. There are some things that can only be learned from getting to know a person enough to realize that all these bad qualities make the person who they are. If it wasn't for all those bad qualities, the good qualities wouldn't shine as bright. So although Lulu is fun, it's shouldn't be the end all be all. Same goes for twitter, instagram, and all these social networks. They tell you about a person, but not who they are.
About Me
- Forever yours, Mariam
- My name is Mariam and through this blog I'm discovering things about the world, and about myself. Through all my blogs you'll see craziness, political insight, celebrity mania, musical interest, total drama queen-ness,all about boys, and ever changing views on everything. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. You're about read the pages of my epic diary. Welcome to my world, and feel free to come back ;)
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
"She laid her heart and soul right in your hands. You stole her every dream and you crushed her plans"
Gabrielle Union has been the name on tip of many tongues in recent weeks. I want to start by praising her on her role in Being Mary Jane. The show is fantastic. I saw the first episode when they previewed it months ago claiming it was a BET original movie. The season officially started Tuesday, and I'm thoroughly impressed with it. Everyone check it out Tuesday Nights on BET at 9. Everyone is also talking about her big engagement to Dwayne Wade. One word can be used to describe this union : FINALLY! I feel like they've been together for a lifetime. I've never been one to root for this couple, because she stole him from someone else. Yes, I understand that men can't be stolen. They have coherent thoughts and play an equal role in any affair. So basically, their both scum. This situation is even worse, because Dwayne Wade got full custody of the children and their being raised by Gabrielle. The mother went mental (literally) as any woman in that situation would. It wouldn't have hurt me to be cheated on, or if he left. But it would have killed me to have my children taken away and be raised by the woman and man who tore apart my life. You carry a child for 9 months and the skank gets to raise them for free. So many issues, not enough tissues.
These are the engagement photos they released shortly after he popped the question.
They are an extremely adorable couple. Dwayne proposed to her in front of his two sons and nephew that they are raising. The little boys held up a song that said "Would you marry us?". Awww. It was very cute, and those kids earned a right to be involved in the decision. The problem is this is what we're taught to believe is "black love". Unlike other races, you can get a successful man but by the time you've found him God only knows how many children he's already fathered. In case you didn't know, this celebrity news story doesn't end with the engagement or those three children. Gabrielle & Dwayne had a brief break up earlier in 2013. During this break up, Mr. Wade went and fathered his third child (fourth if you count the nephew). So she gets to start her new life with her husband as the step-mother of four with two different baby mamas involved. Awww, black love. Not. It's anything but fair. I'm bitter.
It's Gabrielle's decision to chose this life for herself. Everyone knows that once a cheater, always a cheater. He cheated to get her. He cheated on her, and he will do it again. What makes this whole thing worse is that Gabrielle is publicly blaming herself for her husband affair and this new child. Like WTF? Did you get a random person pregnant? No. Did you tell him to have sex with this woman? no. She says by being too involved in her career she played a part in the affair. That comment alone set women back fifty years at least. Because she didn't devote every waking moment of her entire life to pleasing him, it's okay that he cheated? If he was so bored, why didn't he take the time to raise and be with these children he keeps on producing. The fact that they took a short break, and he was able to move on that fast says something. What those two have isn't love. With enough prayer and reflection on past mistakes, they can make a change and possibly a happy life together. But if things keep going the way they are, they are not going to last. Don't buy the dream when they sell you one. This is not the ideal anyone should want for themselves.
Song of the Day: Stupid Boy by Sarah Buxton
Quote of the day: "All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy."
These are the engagement photos they released shortly after he popped the question.
They are an extremely adorable couple. Dwayne proposed to her in front of his two sons and nephew that they are raising. The little boys held up a song that said "Would you marry us?". Awww. It was very cute, and those kids earned a right to be involved in the decision. The problem is this is what we're taught to believe is "black love". Unlike other races, you can get a successful man but by the time you've found him God only knows how many children he's already fathered. In case you didn't know, this celebrity news story doesn't end with the engagement or those three children. Gabrielle & Dwayne had a brief break up earlier in 2013. During this break up, Mr. Wade went and fathered his third child (fourth if you count the nephew). So she gets to start her new life with her husband as the step-mother of four with two different baby mamas involved. Awww, black love. Not. It's anything but fair. I'm bitter.
It's Gabrielle's decision to chose this life for herself. Everyone knows that once a cheater, always a cheater. He cheated to get her. He cheated on her, and he will do it again. What makes this whole thing worse is that Gabrielle is publicly blaming herself for her husband affair and this new child. Like WTF? Did you get a random person pregnant? No. Did you tell him to have sex with this woman? no. She says by being too involved in her career she played a part in the affair. That comment alone set women back fifty years at least. Because she didn't devote every waking moment of her entire life to pleasing him, it's okay that he cheated? If he was so bored, why didn't he take the time to raise and be with these children he keeps on producing. The fact that they took a short break, and he was able to move on that fast says something. What those two have isn't love. With enough prayer and reflection on past mistakes, they can make a change and possibly a happy life together. But if things keep going the way they are, they are not going to last. Don't buy the dream when they sell you one. This is not the ideal anyone should want for themselves.
Song of the Day: Stupid Boy by Sarah Buxton
Quote of the day: "All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy."
You stripped away the masquerade. The Illusion has been shed. Are you happy with yourself?
In yesterday's post, we established the fact that it was 2014. In case you didn't realize it, 2014 started off with a gigantic problem. My generation. Although I rarely claim them, I was born with this weird 21st century group of people. We're still trying to figure everything out, but there are endless issues with our generation that aren't being discussed. I'm going to take the liberty of doing it. The other day I saw a really cute guy at the mall. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, nothing really special but I say a sparkle in him. Yes, I said sparkle. Something inside of him shined bright and I was intrigued. All he had to do to win that moment from him was be himself. The most he did was wash his face. A 21st century girl wakes up, showers, washes their face, puts on foundation, powder, eye shadow, mascara, lip liner, lip gloss. Some will take it even further. Lately for me when I'm trying to look especially pretty, it involves some fake nail and eyelash action as well. This is all before we've even started on our hair. After all of this, you're pretty. You get a little attention now and then and life will be an easier journey because of it. You sparkle. But guys wash their face and that's good enough to us. That double standard feels so unfair! I'm not saying guys should start wearing fake eye lashes to make their eyes pop, but I'm saying guys in our generation should be able to see something in us just the way we are like we do with them. No ones forcing our generation to put on make up or anything, but it's a social norm. I know I am not alone.
The issue is that girls are taught to strive for perfection and marriage. Boys are taught to play sports and get as many hoes as possible. Some of these lessons are learned through example. Parents, guardians, etc. And others happen when they get to college, join a frat or a team or whatever and they see what that culture is like. They embrace it, and the years of lessons passed on by two really great parents or guardians disappear into the dust. It is so sad. Sure, they'll find their way when their 30 or 40. Settle down. Do more and smoke less, but that is a long time from where we are now. Speaking of smoking, almost everyone does it in some fashion. Did I mention it was 2014? We all know about health practices. The long term affects of decisions made in our youth. All of these facts are imprinted in our minds from a young age, but we'll give it all up for a few minutes of confidence. We live in a generation of people who feel like they can't be themselves without taking some kind of mind altering substance. They can't open up and be who they are unless they can fall back on the excuse "I was drunk". It's sick that we have to hide behind alcohol, makeup, or whatever other crazy clutches people are using. Why not just...be yourself? Whether people like you or hate you, its who you are. You can hide it all you want, but eventually they'll know who you truly are. If they never liked that in the first place, all you really did was waste precious time.
We are a society more comfortable posting naked pictures of ourselves on instagram than we are telling people about our interests and lives. Because the fact that we like watching the bachelor, have a cat, an acne problem, no close friends, nerdy habits or whatever is embarrassing to people these days is just too much of a burden to bare. This says so many different things about society. Not to be one to slut shame, but 1. Our standards are different than any generation before us. Sure Madonna wore the cone bra and there were always strippers and stuff, but regular people didn't post daily naked or practically naked shots. No one went to parties in underwear and stockings (a sight I've scene multiple times in recent months. Yuck.) 2. We're constantly self destructing with alcohol, drugs, and STI's. 3. This is the new normal. No one is doing anything to stop it and nothing has changed. What does this mean for my future, or your future? I don't know. I just don't know.
Song of the Day: Petty Hurts by Beyonce
Quote of the day: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". - Jiddu Krishnamurti
The issue is that girls are taught to strive for perfection and marriage. Boys are taught to play sports and get as many hoes as possible. Some of these lessons are learned through example. Parents, guardians, etc. And others happen when they get to college, join a frat or a team or whatever and they see what that culture is like. They embrace it, and the years of lessons passed on by two really great parents or guardians disappear into the dust. It is so sad. Sure, they'll find their way when their 30 or 40. Settle down. Do more and smoke less, but that is a long time from where we are now. Speaking of smoking, almost everyone does it in some fashion. Did I mention it was 2014? We all know about health practices. The long term affects of decisions made in our youth. All of these facts are imprinted in our minds from a young age, but we'll give it all up for a few minutes of confidence. We live in a generation of people who feel like they can't be themselves without taking some kind of mind altering substance. They can't open up and be who they are unless they can fall back on the excuse "I was drunk". It's sick that we have to hide behind alcohol, makeup, or whatever other crazy clutches people are using. Why not just...be yourself? Whether people like you or hate you, its who you are. You can hide it all you want, but eventually they'll know who you truly are. If they never liked that in the first place, all you really did was waste precious time.
We are a society more comfortable posting naked pictures of ourselves on instagram than we are telling people about our interests and lives. Because the fact that we like watching the bachelor, have a cat, an acne problem, no close friends, nerdy habits or whatever is embarrassing to people these days is just too much of a burden to bare. This says so many different things about society. Not to be one to slut shame, but 1. Our standards are different than any generation before us. Sure Madonna wore the cone bra and there were always strippers and stuff, but regular people didn't post daily naked or practically naked shots. No one went to parties in underwear and stockings (a sight I've scene multiple times in recent months. Yuck.) 2. We're constantly self destructing with alcohol, drugs, and STI's. 3. This is the new normal. No one is doing anything to stop it and nothing has changed. What does this mean for my future, or your future? I don't know. I just don't know.
Song of the Day: Petty Hurts by Beyonce
Quote of the day: "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society". - Jiddu Krishnamurti
Thursday, January 9, 2014
"I feel so lucky. You wanna hug me. What rhymes with hug me....?" - Top Songs of 2013
Top 25 Songs of 2013. I look forward to this blog post every year. It was a pretty great year from music. There were many new faces and artists making strong comebacks. Without further adeiu...here we go:
1. Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, Pharell, and T.I. This song was and still is a hit. The beat couldn't be more unique and made you want to dance like there's no tomorrow. It never failed to cheer me up and lighted up my life. There was so much silly controversy surrounding this song. No one will ever forget the Miley mash up with the foam finger and the grinding. Yes, the feminists hated the lyrics. I personally think persistence and confidence is attractive. He knows I want it :)
2. Hold On, We're Going Home by Drake : Nothing was the same changed my life. I adore Drake. He does beautiful things with music and this song was no different. It was great to hear him sing again.
3. Mirrors by Justin Timberlake : It was the year of JT. He released two unbelieveable albums filled with nothing by hits. The fact that he made us wait over five years for new music made it more special. I couldn't be happier he left the big screen for his original form of entertainment. Couldn't imagine 2013 without his music.
4. If I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars : This song is just beautiful. The words are absolutely everything. Hands down one of my favorite live songs of the year.
5. Stay by Rihanna : Her voice is flawless in this song. She hasn't had a song like this since California King Bed and I was so excited about it. I'm not one hundred percent sure it was released in 2013, but it didn't make my 2012 list so we're going to say it was.
6. Body Party by Ciara : A majority of mainstream music people have probably never heard this. I know Ciara is so 2004, but this song was a hit. I couldn't wait for it to come on in the club. It was fun to sing along too. Definitely one of the best slow jams of our time. I missed this type of music.
7. Crooked Smile by J. Cole : Inspirational music has been in for the last couple of years. This just felt more real in relation to me. His line "Is it real? Eyebrows, fingernails, hair... Is it real? If it's not girl you don't care. Cause what's real is something that the eyes can't see, that the hands can't touch, that them broads can't be...and that's you" provided encouragement so many times this year. One of my biggest 2013 regrets was not seeing him in concert.
8. Loveeee Song by Rihanna and Future : This was another slow R&B hit that I loved in 2013. Futures voice is so unique and sexy. It just lights up my life and RiRi is killing the business. Nothing but hits and this particular song was no different.
9. When I'm Gone (Cup Song) by Anna Kendrick : I still haven't seen pitch perfect, but this song was absolutely adorable. I love little songs like this. They're so bright and upbeat. I also lost someone I love very much suddenly this year, so every time I heard it I would think of the new angel in my life. The long way home was her journey to heaven, and we all missed her so it certainly fit.
10. I Like It by Sevyn Streeter : This was Sevyn's first single. Not many people heard it, but I turly enjoyed it all year. I had the pleasure of seeing her live when she came with T.I. 's Kings of The South tour. I have a feeling that there are many more good songs to come from her. She's going to be great. Yay for R&B coming back!
11. Beware by J. Cole, Jhene Aiko, and Lil Wayne : Oooh, I was so mad! That hook is what got me in love with song. Lil Wayne has the best little appearances in every song, and Jhene can sannng! Good music.
12. From Time by Drake and Jhene Aiko : This was my favorite song off of NWTS. It really resonated with me and their voices were flawless together. I honestly have no words to say other than I love drake.
13. Wake Me Up by Avicci : I still can't say this guys name, but when his song plays it's like lets gooooo! I'm in the mood to jump up and down, pumping my fist like a mad woman. Admit it, it's catchy. My brother actually introduced it to me.
14. Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus : It was Miley's year. Hannah Montana is gone and Miley is half naked on a wrecking ball. I'm not a fan of her crazy antics, but I am a fan of her music. When this song comes on, I just have to sing along.
15. Cruise by Florida Georgia Line and Nelly : I like southern accents and country music. You wouldn't know it just looking at me, but it's true. I also like Nelly. Put the two together and you get the perfect cheesily awesome summer song.
16. Roar by Katy Perry : Everyone said she stole it from Sara Barellies. Whether she was involved in the whole thing or not, they are extremely similar songs. Roar was hands down better. It's like the fun version of Brave. Unpopular opinion, but we saw which one topped the charts. Numbers don't lie.
17. Bad by Wale and Rihanna : So many girls sang this part, but Wale and Rihanna were my favorite combo. The lyrics were the truth,"Bad girls ain't no good, and good girls ain't no fun. And hood girls want a smart nigga, college girls want a thug". This was arguably the realest line about our generation that was spoken this year.
18. Poetic Justice by Kendrick Lamar and Drake : The fame went straight to Kendrick's head. I hated him by the end of the year. He had that song where he dumped on everyone including Drake. That was unnecessary. Drake took him on tour when he was nobody. Literally nobody. I would know...I was there. He was 30 pounds heavier with no stage presence whatsoever. He copied everything. Anyways...enough with the rant. The song was good. Shoutout to all of us Young East African Girls
19. Get Lucky by Daft Punk and Pharell
20. All the Way Home by Tamar Braxton : Tamar finally became a star, and I couldn't be happier for her. All her singles were great, but this was definitely my personal favorite.
21. Say Something by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguileria
22. Chloe by Emblem3 : I don't care what anyone says. This song is about Khloe Kardashian. It was fun and I totally enjoyed listening to it.
23. Come and Get It by Selena Gomez : The indian vibe was everything. I'm shaking my hips just thinking about that beat.
24. Too Much by Drake and Sampa : Once again, Nothing was the same is just pure brilliance. I limited myself to three Drake songs. It was a tough decision. If I hadn't, songs 10-25 would just be the entire album plus the random singles he released. Honorable mention : Come Thru, All Me, Started From the Bottom, The Motion, Girls Love Beyonce, Jodeci Freestyle, Furthest Thing, The Language
25. High School by Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne
Top Ratchet Songs of the Year :
1. Red Nose by Sage the Gemeni : The most fun party song of the year. We gon Shakeeee it. They made it a compliment to be comparend to a Pitbull.
2. My N*gga by Richie Homie Quan and Young Jeezy G : When this song plays in the club or at a party, you can't make me sit down. I'll probably rap too. Like a G. Grrrr.
3. Versace by Drake and Migos
4. Bugatti by Future and Ace Hood
5. F------ Problem by A$AP Rocky, Drake, 2 Chainz, and Kendrick Lamar
6. Feds Watching by 2 Chainz and Pharalle
7. I'm Different by 2 Chainz
"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change"
Happy New Year to the wonderful people all around the world that read this blog. We're only nine days into 2014, but it feels like New Years was a lifetime ago. I rung in 2014 at an event called Ass Jamz. I know what you faithful readers are thinking, this is about to be Club Magic 2.0. Well, it wasn't. The place was packed with people my age. I live in a small town, so I recognized most of them. There was a countdown on the big screen and plenty of songs I love. I forgot what the first song I heard in 2014 was, but the second song was Bugatti by Future. I came home at a reasonable hour and thanked God for being young an alive.
The time has come for New Years resolutions. This year I cheated and started thinking them up before Christmas. When I was first thinking of them, the song Make Me Broken by Sidewalk profits was playing. The words are, "Make me lonely, so I can be yours. 'Til I want no one more that you, Lord. Cause in the darkness I know you will hold me. Make me lonely/ 'Til you are my one desire/ 'Till you are my one true love/ 'Til you are my breath, my everything. Lord please keep making me". The first thought that popped in my head when I heard the song is "what a scary prayer". The verses start with make me lonely, broken, empty, etc. I don't feel strong enough to endure any of those emotions. Then I realized that that's the point. The lord is my strength. I can endure anything. So my first and most important resolution is
1. To trust the lord without borders or hesitation. To grow stronger in my faith, bury myself in the word, and follow the teachings of my faith to the best of my ability.
Number Two kind of goes with number one :
2. To let go and let be. My problem of worrying about things that I cannot control continued in 2013. This year I want to be freed from the chains of worry and anxiety, and live a fuller life. Having more trust that God will lead me to where I need to be will help be more free spirited and less of a worrier.
3. Social fearlessness. When Taylor Swift came out with the fearless album, my young teenage self had life changing moment after life changing moment. I made it my mission to strive to be in my best dress, fearless. I feel like I've achieved it in some aspects of my life, but I'm still scared when it comes to social situations and meeting new people. I want this to be the year it changes.
4. To give my advice, point of view, and perspective without being judgmental. This year when people did something I didn't agree with or felt was wrong (making out with randoms, staying out too late, hanging out with a stranger at 4 am etc.) I either acted like it was okay or went in full on lecture mode. I want to be a person people can come to with their issues without feeling guilty, but I also want to be loving enough to tell them when their making a mistake. There are too many lives lost due to stupid, "fun" mistakes. I would hate to lose someone I care about because they were scared to come to me, or I was scared to tell them the truth. Basically I want to find a balance.
5. Moving the energy I put into pursuing and crushing on men into bettering myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I'm a twatcher. I waste a lot of time reading the tweets of different boys I have interest in. I put a lot of time curling my hair and looking cute when I know I'll see someone that I'm into. There's nothing wrong with either of these things, but I've realized the guys that I have interest in are already perfect (through my eyes). I should put my energy into bettering myself, so that they can see the same light in me that I do in them. Different approach.
6. Expressing positive feelings more and providing words of encouragement to those close to me. We live in a society with so many depressed, insecure people. When someone has cute shoes, I'm going to tell them. If they're putting in positive imput, I want them to know that. If I can play a role in helping others know their worth, I would like to do it. Drake has a line that says "I think the city that we're from just kind of ruined things. Such a small place not much to do but talk and listen. The men are jealous and the women all in competition". That describes my home situation. It doesn't have to be a competition. Girls should empower each other instead of bring each other down all the time. And you know what they say, be the change you wish to see in the world.
7. Less selfishness. Loving yourself is easy. Loving others is hard. (No explanation needed)
8. Lose as much weight as possible. No need to put a number out there that's too far out there to achieve or will limit myself. I want to look GOOD, and be healthy I guess... haha. No, it really is to be a healthier person.
These are the eight goals I've set for myself. Will I achieve them all? Not worrying about it. I will with Gods help. I don't see not achieving them as failures. I think of New Years resolutions as a step in the right direction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself. And with that, goodbye for now.
The time has come for New Years resolutions. This year I cheated and started thinking them up before Christmas. When I was first thinking of them, the song Make Me Broken by Sidewalk profits was playing. The words are, "Make me lonely, so I can be yours. 'Til I want no one more that you, Lord. Cause in the darkness I know you will hold me. Make me lonely/ 'Til you are my one desire/ 'Till you are my one true love/ 'Til you are my breath, my everything. Lord please keep making me". The first thought that popped in my head when I heard the song is "what a scary prayer". The verses start with make me lonely, broken, empty, etc. I don't feel strong enough to endure any of those emotions. Then I realized that that's the point. The lord is my strength. I can endure anything. So my first and most important resolution is
1. To trust the lord without borders or hesitation. To grow stronger in my faith, bury myself in the word, and follow the teachings of my faith to the best of my ability.
Number Two kind of goes with number one :
2. To let go and let be. My problem of worrying about things that I cannot control continued in 2013. This year I want to be freed from the chains of worry and anxiety, and live a fuller life. Having more trust that God will lead me to where I need to be will help be more free spirited and less of a worrier.
3. Social fearlessness. When Taylor Swift came out with the fearless album, my young teenage self had life changing moment after life changing moment. I made it my mission to strive to be in my best dress, fearless. I feel like I've achieved it in some aspects of my life, but I'm still scared when it comes to social situations and meeting new people. I want this to be the year it changes.
4. To give my advice, point of view, and perspective without being judgmental. This year when people did something I didn't agree with or felt was wrong (making out with randoms, staying out too late, hanging out with a stranger at 4 am etc.) I either acted like it was okay or went in full on lecture mode. I want to be a person people can come to with their issues without feeling guilty, but I also want to be loving enough to tell them when their making a mistake. There are too many lives lost due to stupid, "fun" mistakes. I would hate to lose someone I care about because they were scared to come to me, or I was scared to tell them the truth. Basically I want to find a balance.
5. Moving the energy I put into pursuing and crushing on men into bettering myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I'm a twatcher. I waste a lot of time reading the tweets of different boys I have interest in. I put a lot of time curling my hair and looking cute when I know I'll see someone that I'm into. There's nothing wrong with either of these things, but I've realized the guys that I have interest in are already perfect (through my eyes). I should put my energy into bettering myself, so that they can see the same light in me that I do in them. Different approach.
6. Expressing positive feelings more and providing words of encouragement to those close to me. We live in a society with so many depressed, insecure people. When someone has cute shoes, I'm going to tell them. If they're putting in positive imput, I want them to know that. If I can play a role in helping others know their worth, I would like to do it. Drake has a line that says "I think the city that we're from just kind of ruined things. Such a small place not much to do but talk and listen. The men are jealous and the women all in competition". That describes my home situation. It doesn't have to be a competition. Girls should empower each other instead of bring each other down all the time. And you know what they say, be the change you wish to see in the world.
7. Less selfishness. Loving yourself is easy. Loving others is hard. (No explanation needed)
8. Lose as much weight as possible. No need to put a number out there that's too far out there to achieve or will limit myself. I want to look GOOD, and be healthy I guess... haha. No, it really is to be a healthier person.
These are the eight goals I've set for myself. Will I achieve them all? Not worrying about it. I will with Gods help. I don't see not achieving them as failures. I think of New Years resolutions as a step in the right direction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself. And with that, goodbye for now.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
This Ain't a Rap Song; This Is MY Life
I live in a beautiful neighborhood. Especially during the fall. Our extremely green grass is covered in leaves that are all the beautiful colors the season brings. Shades of orange, brown, and yellow. From the outside looking in, it couldn't be more of a scene from a movie or something. Nice quiet neighborhood where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and the skies are all cloudy all day. But inside my home is an infestation of these terrible red bugs with a bazillion legs and unbelievable speed. You would never know this from the outside looking in. This description matches how I feel about myself. There's so much you would ever know at first glance.
This post is coming to you right after I took my extensions out and was left with the two strands on my head. How does this happen to ones hair? One chemically straightens it to be pretty, then realizes that's not pretty enough and keeps extensions in for too long causing all of it to fall out or break off. Not that there was much of it in the first place, because one was born black. This ain't a rap song: this is my life. I also took a glance at facebook and saw that the awkward girl from high school. The one that was super smart and everyone thought would end up along is in a relationship. I'm still here alone. The notebook is playing to heal my broken heart, and I realize that this is a love story for people just like Allie and Noah. Not people like me.
Don't get me wrong, I try. I have a weave, pretty nails, and shop at all the right stores that I can afford. I wear make up and never leave the house in my sweat pants. I have an impeccable GPA and work my butt off in school. On paper, I should be someone's perfect person. I recently did get someone interested. He of course wasn't in school and was likely participating in illegal activity of some sort. You're probably thinking, why? Why is it this way? It's a question I've asked myself multiple times. The answer is simple.
I was born with the blessing and the curse of being a black woman. I call it a blessing in the sense of a popular christian song that says "Halleluiah, we are free to struggle". I feel like as a woman of color, I am especially free to struggle. As in God enjoys my struggle and laughs at my pain. I know this sounds awful. I know God loves all his children. His ways are not our ways, so you can see why it's difficult for me to understand why some people get it so easy and some of us struggle struggle struggle. I live in a society where having hair that blows in the wind and lays straight down or whatever is beautiful. My hair does not do that and never will. So let the struggle begin. As a black woman, I'm dumped on for not being academic enough and am mocked for being educated and speaking well. The majority that accepts me for sounding like them and dressing like them are the same people who can never like me. In a romantic sense. Boys in the majority are not interested in girls in the minority. Not at all. It doesn't help when you have other flaws on top of being born "wrong".
Women of other races love black boys. By love, I mean they idolize them. They get all of this attention that goes to their heads and makes them feel above black women. If their to pick one of us, we have to be perfect in the traditional dream black women sense. We should be thin with curves (how is that possible? God only knows), have fake hair, nice nails, and everything did. They ask the other girls to dance without expecting much, but it it's you it needs to be an entire strip show or something. They want you to bend over, twerk, and do all this stuff to make up for the fact that you're black. Is it a choice to go along with it? yes. Was it a choice to be stuck in these situations? No. But this is what it's really like. My friends always tell me to "get out there more" or go to "frat parties". To meet boys the way they do. They don't realize that what's stopping me is something I can never overcome. Myself. The way I am just isn't good enough for the society I live in. It never will be.
This is a heavy realization, but honestly it doesn't make me sad. In the back of my mind i've always known that this is the way things are. That life is always going to be a little bit harder for me in the social and romantic sense. At the end of the day, I realize I could be sick, living in a third world country, or in some other terrible situation much worse than the one I'm in. I praise God every day for that. But some nights like tonight, I just can't get over my shortcomings and struggle that comes with being who I am.
This post is coming to you right after I took my extensions out and was left with the two strands on my head. How does this happen to ones hair? One chemically straightens it to be pretty, then realizes that's not pretty enough and keeps extensions in for too long causing all of it to fall out or break off. Not that there was much of it in the first place, because one was born black. This ain't a rap song: this is my life. I also took a glance at facebook and saw that the awkward girl from high school. The one that was super smart and everyone thought would end up along is in a relationship. I'm still here alone. The notebook is playing to heal my broken heart, and I realize that this is a love story for people just like Allie and Noah. Not people like me.
Don't get me wrong, I try. I have a weave, pretty nails, and shop at all the right stores that I can afford. I wear make up and never leave the house in my sweat pants. I have an impeccable GPA and work my butt off in school. On paper, I should be someone's perfect person. I recently did get someone interested. He of course wasn't in school and was likely participating in illegal activity of some sort. You're probably thinking, why? Why is it this way? It's a question I've asked myself multiple times. The answer is simple.
I was born with the blessing and the curse of being a black woman. I call it a blessing in the sense of a popular christian song that says "Halleluiah, we are free to struggle". I feel like as a woman of color, I am especially free to struggle. As in God enjoys my struggle and laughs at my pain. I know this sounds awful. I know God loves all his children. His ways are not our ways, so you can see why it's difficult for me to understand why some people get it so easy and some of us struggle struggle struggle. I live in a society where having hair that blows in the wind and lays straight down or whatever is beautiful. My hair does not do that and never will. So let the struggle begin. As a black woman, I'm dumped on for not being academic enough and am mocked for being educated and speaking well. The majority that accepts me for sounding like them and dressing like them are the same people who can never like me. In a romantic sense. Boys in the majority are not interested in girls in the minority. Not at all. It doesn't help when you have other flaws on top of being born "wrong".
Women of other races love black boys. By love, I mean they idolize them. They get all of this attention that goes to their heads and makes them feel above black women. If their to pick one of us, we have to be perfect in the traditional dream black women sense. We should be thin with curves (how is that possible? God only knows), have fake hair, nice nails, and everything did. They ask the other girls to dance without expecting much, but it it's you it needs to be an entire strip show or something. They want you to bend over, twerk, and do all this stuff to make up for the fact that you're black. Is it a choice to go along with it? yes. Was it a choice to be stuck in these situations? No. But this is what it's really like. My friends always tell me to "get out there more" or go to "frat parties". To meet boys the way they do. They don't realize that what's stopping me is something I can never overcome. Myself. The way I am just isn't good enough for the society I live in. It never will be.
This is a heavy realization, but honestly it doesn't make me sad. In the back of my mind i've always known that this is the way things are. That life is always going to be a little bit harder for me in the social and romantic sense. At the end of the day, I realize I could be sick, living in a third world country, or in some other terrible situation much worse than the one I'm in. I praise God every day for that. But some nights like tonight, I just can't get over my shortcomings and struggle that comes with being who I am.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I see straight through them like fish tanks with no fish in them; Drizzy still got some '06 in him
I have an issue of coming off the right way. What people think of me shouldn't matter, but it does. Perception is reality. It won't matter how great of a person you are inside if no one knows. God sees what's inside and he knows, but the people on earth have no idea. I know that it's possible to care for a total stranger. I don't mean in a romantic way, just a human to human way. There are people I've never met but prayed for. Stories of people who've been through tragic things on television, and people in my own life that could use a miracle. They never have any idea and that's a bit magical to me. I believe that they're benefiting from the prayers and positive thoughts, and I don't really need significance for it. Nowadays it seems like people only remember your random mistakes anyways. Every once in a while (okay..a lot more than that) I make a mistake. It's nothing big it just sticks with me. Some guy came up to me and started dancing insane at this party. I just froze like a deer in the headlights. That was embarrassing enough, but then instead of telling him to stop I started dancing too. I decided to just go with it. My cousin was the one with the logical sense to put a stop to it making sure no one sees. I would have embarrassed myself. That wasn't the kind of thing I wanted to be known for doing, but I couldn't find a way to stop it. I worry a lot about peoples feelings and not making anyone feel bad.
I think its because I can be pretty sensitive at times I automatically assume other people are as well. At basketball games I don't feel right just cheering for the star even if none of them see me at all. I think everyone deserves to feel loved and special and would hate to be the reason why someone's light doesn't shine as bright. I know it's cheesy, but it's the way I am. Sometimes it prevents me from telling people the absolute truth. I constantly have to put a positive spin on it. Somewhere along the line I ended up surrounding myself with people just as sensitive as I am. The benefit of this is that they understand what I'm going through. The negative is that I end up walking on eggshells around them as well. In general, no one likes being told their wrong. The truth hurts everyone's feelings at some point or another even my own, but you should have to hear it at some point or another.
We live in a time where no one ever talks. One of my lab classes is on the sixth floor, so I take the elevator up most days. It's often full of people and always silent. Everyone has their headphones in or is doing something or another on their phone. Yesterday, there were two old men riding the elevator. Not the creepy kind of old guy, but the spunky and hip type. This might sound weird, but I enjoy talking to old people. It's so much more fun when you're not attracted to them and their not attracted to you. They're secure so you don't have to walk on egg shells around them. By the time people are further in their years, they've realized that peoples opinions of you don't matter as much as you think. I feel like most silent elevator types either feel too good to talk to the others or like saying hello is a waste of time. If you're human and I'm human, and we're trapped in a small piece of technology that encourages our common laziness we should be able to at least greet each other. That kind of interaction just doesn't exist anymore. You're probably wondering, what does the old guy have to do with this? While in the elevator he said, I'm the only one in here not using one of those gadgets. Do you know you all spend six hours a day on those things? No one said anything, so I said, "well i'd believe it". He also started describing all the muscles in the neck that have side effects from looking down at our phones so long. It was really interesting information. By one stranger in an elevator being brave enough to say something, I gained a plethora of information.
Moral of the story is "Be who you are, say what you think, and most importantly never apologize for how you feel. That's like saying sorry for being real" . That was a combination of me, Dr. Suess, and a tweet. Soak in the genius.
song of the day : From Time - Drake ft. Jhene Aiko (Nothing was the Same is absolutely brilliant, and this song has the prize as my favorite song on the album)
quote of the day : Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind. - Theodore Roosevelt
I think its because I can be pretty sensitive at times I automatically assume other people are as well. At basketball games I don't feel right just cheering for the star even if none of them see me at all. I think everyone deserves to feel loved and special and would hate to be the reason why someone's light doesn't shine as bright. I know it's cheesy, but it's the way I am. Sometimes it prevents me from telling people the absolute truth. I constantly have to put a positive spin on it. Somewhere along the line I ended up surrounding myself with people just as sensitive as I am. The benefit of this is that they understand what I'm going through. The negative is that I end up walking on eggshells around them as well. In general, no one likes being told their wrong. The truth hurts everyone's feelings at some point or another even my own, but you should have to hear it at some point or another.
We live in a time where no one ever talks. One of my lab classes is on the sixth floor, so I take the elevator up most days. It's often full of people and always silent. Everyone has their headphones in or is doing something or another on their phone. Yesterday, there were two old men riding the elevator. Not the creepy kind of old guy, but the spunky and hip type. This might sound weird, but I enjoy talking to old people. It's so much more fun when you're not attracted to them and their not attracted to you. They're secure so you don't have to walk on egg shells around them. By the time people are further in their years, they've realized that peoples opinions of you don't matter as much as you think. I feel like most silent elevator types either feel too good to talk to the others or like saying hello is a waste of time. If you're human and I'm human, and we're trapped in a small piece of technology that encourages our common laziness we should be able to at least greet each other. That kind of interaction just doesn't exist anymore. You're probably wondering, what does the old guy have to do with this? While in the elevator he said, I'm the only one in here not using one of those gadgets. Do you know you all spend six hours a day on those things? No one said anything, so I said, "well i'd believe it". He also started describing all the muscles in the neck that have side effects from looking down at our phones so long. It was really interesting information. By one stranger in an elevator being brave enough to say something, I gained a plethora of information.
Moral of the story is "Be who you are, say what you think, and most importantly never apologize for how you feel. That's like saying sorry for being real" . That was a combination of me, Dr. Suess, and a tweet. Soak in the genius.
song of the day : From Time - Drake ft. Jhene Aiko (Nothing was the Same is absolutely brilliant, and this song has the prize as my favorite song on the album)
quote of the day : Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind. - Theodore Roosevelt
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