A day in the life

5.....4.....3......2.....1..... Kiss Me, Kiss Me

2012-01-01T22:13:00.000-08:00

Cheers to the very first of many blog posts this upcoming year. Happy New Year. I wish all of you all the best things in life : joy, love, peace, adventure, and everything else. I spent my new years eve chilling and trying to reflect on my last year. I went to dinner with a few friends in the evening, went over to my friends for a bit but felt like I was interfering with a family thing, hung out at one of my oldest friends house and watched the video countdown and all those other shows. For the record, The music video of the year was Look At Me Now by Chris Brown. I still remember back in 2005 when the video of the year was We Belong Together by Mariah Carey. I was super proud of my music picking skills when the number 3 on my list and on BET were the same (How to Love by Weezy). The MTV special was hosted by the gorgeous Demi Lovato and the mouth watering teen wolf guy Tyler something. They were a good duo. The "last song of the new year" for people in a different time zone was Love You Like a Love Song. It's catchy, but...thank goodness it wasn't the last song I heard. Or was it? Can't remember.

We saw the ball drop and all the magic that takes place in New York City. Speaking of New York on New Years Eve, I went and saw the movie New Years Eve. It was absolutely fabulous. There were plenty of New Years kisses to go around, lots of talent, fell in love with Zac Efron again. It was good stuff. I got kind of emotional thinking about how my new years eve didn't really compare to the one in the movie. I guess I just love the idea of having this fairytale life I see in the movies. I haven't given up on it yet. I know that most people live ordinary lives with very few magic moments, but that doesn't mean I can't hope to be that extraordinary person that experiences all the magic that's in the world. I've had a pretty good head start.

When midnight hit, I was with my mother, father, and little brother. The most important people in my world. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't trade that moment for anything. I had tried to win a competition to spend New Years Eve with the one and only Justin Bieber. I honestly believed I would win, because I read the small print and everything. I doubt anyone actually won. I enjoyed watching him sing Let it Be with Carlos Santana though. It was a pretty legendary performance. Speaking of Justin Bieber, I won't forget how he announced his love interest of the year. He definitely made out with his arm on live television. Not forgetting it any time soon. He's crazy, but I love him.

My mom got us the cheesy New Years hats and horns from work and we all sat around watching performances and soaking in the fact that we are free to start over. New year, new beginnings. It's a reminder that we can be whoever we want to be, and do the things of our wildest dreams. The fact that it's a leap year gives us an extra day to achieve this. I'm determined to make 2012 a year to remember. It's page one of 366 and by the end of the story of 2012 I want to think to myself, "Wow, I really lived!"

song of the day: Untitled New Years Song - By Justin Bieber & Jaden Smith

quote of the day: We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

"I had the time of my life and I never felt this way before/And I swear this is true and I owe it all to you"

2011-12-31T14:42:00.000-08:00

Today is the very last day of 2011. As always i'm going to do a little reccap of my favorite moments of the year. I couldn't have asked for a better 365 days. A lot of dreams of mine came true, I did a lot of fearless things, and I laughed a lot. Those are the moments that count right? The ones where we smile and feel on top of the world. Here's the list of mine.

1. Oh Canada, Oh Canada: I waited my entire life to take a family vacation to Canada. Finally this year we got on the road and headed there. I'll never forget reaching the border and my parents telling the patrol officer that "We came here because she's obsessed with Justin Bieber". I fell in love with the country so fast. Toronto was amazing and super diverse. I enjoyed my evening walking around danders square and my Tim Hortons for breakfast(I'm officially a Timmy Ho that stuff is GOOD). Niagra Falls was something unbelievable and I was glad to see one of the wonders of the world.

The best part of the trip of course was Stratford. I loved it there. It was so cute and cultured. Super tiny. I got to go to every single scene from Never Say Never there. Saw all of Justin's favorite spots. Ate at his favorite pizza restaurant and went to his house. Meeting his uncle and his dog was AWESOME and getting a tour of his room was unbelievable!! I'm the luckiest belieber alive.

2. There's no place like Chicago: Going to Chicago with my family was also fabulous. It was another place we'd always wanted to go to and never got to. I was in love with the fancy hotel we got to go with and couldn't get overt he fact we had a concierge. Going up Willis Tower was pretty magical but what I really loved was walking around The Taste of Chicago and Navy Pier with my mom, dad, and brother. Their the best, I love them!

3. Taylor Swift's Speak Now Tour : I am the biggest Taylor Swift fan that ever lived. I got to see her in concert last year but seeing her again this year just made my life. I love and knew every single word to every song on her album Speak Now. Seeing it all play out and her vision come to life was just out of this world. I also got to go with one of closest friends which made the whole experience that much better. I'll never forget the firework show for sparks fly, the trapeeze artists for Haunted, and her soaring over the audience in a sparkly princess dress. My friend and I had made a sign trying to get into the Tea Party. It had balloons attached and when Taylor first came out we let go of one of the balloons and she watched it fly away. It was the coolest thing. We found out after the show that there was no tea party but we still waited with the other fans and watched her car drive away.

4. Demi Lovato's Unbroken Tour: This year I became a huge Demi Lovato fan. Before i'd always been a fan of This is Me from Camp Rock and when I was younger I watched her on Barney but that was all I knew of her. But when I heard the story's of her struggle I had great admiration for Demi Lovato the person. She was so strong, stylish, and pretty I wanted and still do want to be just like her. I went to her concert determined to meet her and fate brought my mom to park right behind her tour bus when she dropped of me, my friend, and her sister. We totally knocked on the door and tried to go in but no one was in there. Her guitarist ended up telling us he liked our poster while we were standing there but we didn't know who he was. We went on to meet him later and shake his hand. We also met Demi Lovato herself. She was the sweetest person and it was unforgettable. She touched my poster too. It's on my wall. Pretty cool.

5. Hooligans in Wondaland: Bruno Mars. Do I even have to say more? He's drool worthy. I love him. I got to see him at the Independence Center and fell head over heels in love. The concert was really chill. We were in the pit so we got to stand only a few rows back. He was so close and I could feel his spirit. He totally looked into my eyes a couple times during Just the Way You Are and Talking to The Moon (Bible!) . I went with two of my great friends and it was simply unforgettable. We tried to chase him down too. It didn't work but it was still fun.

6. ART's Talent Showcase: Over the summer I watched Selena Gomez and Nicki Minaj's true hollywood stories and decided that I was going to be famous too no matter what it took. I was going to start on Disney Channel then become a breakout artist from there like Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake did. Fate brought this advertisement for an orginization looking for talented people of all ages. I signed me and my brother up and my mom laughed like crazy as we practiced for our big audition. For my audition I did a toothpaste commercial and sang Sky Scraper by Demi Lovato. My brother just did a candy commercial but the lady loved him. Imagine our surprise when we got called the next day and told we made it. We were so sure we were both going to be famous and my mom would quit her job. It was great..until we found out attending the event and taking the classes we need would cost about $2,500 a piece. We couldn't afford it and I had to let my dream go, but it was an opportunity to be fearless and show the world what i'm made of. We had to audition in front of like a hundred people. I'm proud of even making it that far and if I was meant to be famous, it'll happen. Maybe in 2012.

7. I went to St. Louis twice this year. Once in the summer and another time on Labor Day weekend. The first time was with my girl scout troop and although the trip was filled with drama I had a great time. I enjoyed spending time away from everything with my friend. I got to go up the St. Louis Arch and check one more big monument off my list. We went to the City Museum and climbed through all the tubes and wires. We saw the St. Louis zoo, and I was reunited with my favorite store : Love Culture. I got to buy some cute clothes and it was awesome. The second time was for my aunts baby shower and I had a good time chilling and taking a road trip with my little cousins.

8. I did actually do something with my acting and singing love in school. This was my first year in Encore the show that my school puts on. I was only in one number (I Wanna Dance With Somebody), but I had a really good time singing and getting close to people backstage. We talked about nothing and everything which was nice. I also did my first musical : Bye Bye Birdie. It was super good. I got a minor roll as an adult but I really enjoyed singing all the songs and dancing around. It was a great time. I'll never forget the words to "We love you conrad, oh yes we do. We love you conrad and we'll be true)

9. I started my last year of high school and started doing all the fun things that come with graduating. Taking senior pictures was a lot of fun and those will last a lifetime. I went to my first "real" high school party and figured out I hadn't been missing much all those years.

10. All the little moments. There are too many to count. Going to church camp and youth events, shooting a movie in all british accents with my friends, shopping with my mom and my cousin, doing "one tree hill club" with my cousin and my brother, Going over to my best friends for summer and getting ourselves into all the crazy messes we always do, sending my ultimate crush a love letter only to find out he didn't care enough to write back, moving past "the prince", saving the post office, reading a good book under the tree, dancing around to Nicki Mianj's super bass video, being obbsessed with twitter, using and iPhone, and everything else that came along with 2011.

It was a great year and I can only hope that 2012 will bring me as many amazing experiences as 2011 did. I hope to travel and see new parts of the world. I want to get good scholorships. I want to go to as many concerts as I possibly can. Fall in Love. Become Famous. All before I turn 18. Don't think it's possible? Don't underestimate the power of me. I can do anything I set my mind to. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE everyone!

Top 25 Songs of 2011: "You've got that smile that only heaven can make/I pray to God every day that you keep that smile"

2011-12-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

1. Next 2 You by Justin Bieber and Chris Brown: I've listened to this song over and over again since I heard it this summer. I was really hoping the F.A.M.E. album Chris Brown released would be good and he didn't disappoint. It was spectacular but this was the shining star of the album. Their voices sounded perfect and very similar. The music video was amazing. The song and everything about it was and still is simply perfection.

2. Rolling in the Deep by Adele: Adele's album 21 was hands down the best album of the year. Every single song on the album was heart felt and perfect, but this is the one everyone was singing. You could just feel the anger and regret in her voice. It was the perfect soundtrack to an upsetting evening. Not to mention her voice is flawless in this track.

3. How To Love by Lil Wayne: If you asked me a year ago, I would tell you there was absolutely no way Lil Wayne would ever make my top five songs of the year, or even top 25. This song was different though. There was no cussing and it was slow and heart felt. The guitar instrumental in the back was simple and wonderful. The lyrics were relatable. The Justin Bieber remix blew me away. This song is number three and rightfully so. It made me see Weezy in a whole different light.

4. If I Die Young by The Band Perry : A lot of people said this song was sad and depressing, but I was super impressed by how different it is from the other songs that came out this year. It wasn't really about love, sex, or partying. It was about a girl and her brothers having serious thoughts about the very real possibility of them dropping dead that very instant. The lyrics were really smart and made you think. It was a brilliant song.

5. Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce : 2011 was the year Beyonce released her 5th album which wasn't quit the success everyone thought it would be. But this song was exactly what the entire album should of been. It had catchy lyrics. For once the girl wasn't sitting around wishing the guy would come back to her. She showed what a strong woman looks like. I was also very in love with the music video. She looked gorgeous in that wedding dress. And her voice was stunning. She hit all kinds of notes and hit them with power. She earned her title of Queen B.

6. Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum : I know there are a lot of country haters out there but how could you not love this song. The harmonies are beyond amazing and the words are just perfect, "I don't want to mess this thing up. I don't want to push too far. Just a shot in the dark that you might be the one i've been waiting for my whole life. So baby I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight". The hopeless romantic in me loves every moment of the song and can just see it playing out.

7. Stereo Hearts by The Gym Class Hero's ft. Adam Levine :The gym class hero's are back and they came back with a bang. I absolutely adored this song. It was really sweet and the kind of slow rap that I enjoy listening too. It had a cute theme and is hard not to love.

8. Someone Like You by Adele : I adored this song in every possible way. Start any verse and I can finish it for you. It was another heartfelt piece from Adele's album 21. I really felt her pain in this song, and once again you can just really hear her heart in it. It makes a song that much more special when it's sung with passion.

9. Headlines by Drake : This year I fell head over heels in love with Drake. I always thought he was cute and new his hit songs but this year I became a true fan. I love love love love his album Take Care. His lyrics are just really catchy and make you think. I liked this line, "Listen to you expressing all them feelings. Soap Opera rappers all these n****s sound like All My Children" . All my children is a soap on television drama and he's comparing their dramaticness to the stuff on the show.

10. Marvin's Room by Drake : Yes, Drake got two songs back to back. He's just that great. It was a touch decision picking which of these songs belonged higher on the list. Their both equally good songs. I love this song because Drake shows his emotional side. I like the little details he added with the people he's talking to on the phone. A billion people went ahead and made covers of this song (my favorite was JoJo's). I felt like he was singing to me, and I was ready to leave somebody for him (if I had someone to leave haha). Who wouldn't leave for Drake. He's a handsome canadian that is completely irresistible. He shone real bright this year.

11. Lights by Bad Vs. Evil (aka Eminem and some other guy) ft. Bruno Mars : I've been an Eminem fan for forever and couldn't wait for him to release more music. Imagine how ecstatic I was when I found out he was releasing it with Bruno Mars. Ahhhh. The song was awesome and beyond inspirational. I loved the video they released and for once he wasn't angry; he was hopeful. His lyrics were fabulous as always and I really enjoyed the song this year.

12. The Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga : There is no one like mother monster. I am proud to be a little monster and this was the song I couldn't get enough of on Born This Way. I shed seven pounds listening to this song on the treadmill. It just lifts my spirits up and is fun and exciting. Her voice continues to blow me away time after time. It's almost like she's better without auto-tune. Seriously, did you hear her on her thanksgiving special? Good stuff.

13. Should've Kissed You by Chris Brown : This was the other song on the F.A.M.E. album I couldn't get enough of. It's about a feeling I know about. Getting all nervous around someone that really means a lot to you. His voice is exquisite in the song, and brought out the cute cuddly non-tattooed Chris Brown I fell in love with back in 2007.

14. Turning Table by Adele : Now that I think about it this is the song I related to the most on Adele's album. I really loved the line "Next time i'll be braver, i'll be my own savior". I tweeted it a million times and when something bad happened I would think those words to myself. And I was braver the next time. Adele's song brought out the fearless, bad girl in me.

15. Skyscraper by Demi Lovato : This song represents the amazing come back she made this year. The lyrics also spoke to me. It was about how people can do everything in their power to bring you down, but it won't work. This song represented the struggle Demi had her whole life before rehab. It was the anthem to all of us lovatics saying "Stay Strong" and "Love is Louder". It also got me into the ARTs talent search before I found out I couldn't afford to go. It meant a lot to me.

16. Up 2 You by Chris Brown : I love me some slow and sexy Chris Brown songs. This was the one that really stuck out to me on the album. It had a classic R&B sound and it spoke to me. There's not much to say about it. I just loved it and still do. I thought it was cool how he talked about how he's "messed up in love before" and was going to be careful with whoever he dates next or is with (cough cough ME cough cough)

17. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri : This song came to my life just a couple months ago. It was featured on one of my favorite movies of year - Breaking Dawn. The lyrics were beautiful. I hadn't heard more music from Christina since Jar of Hearts but this was a different happier song. I loved the lyrics, "I have died every day waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years". It really represented Bella and Edward well. I was bummed it wasn't featured in the movie with words. They just played the tune during some scenes.

18. We Found Love by Rihanna : I LOVE this song. It's just so upbeat and fun. It makes me break out in dance no matter where I am. Like all of Rihanna's music it's just so loud, fun, and alive. She's never sappy or torn up about stuff. She's just an energetic island girl and it really comes out in her music. It makes me want to be an energetic island girl and dye me hair red. Just kidding about the hair part. The beat was awesome though and this was another big workout song for me this year.

19. The One That Got Away by Katy Perry : The first thing that came to mind as I was typing the name of the song was the video and how creepy it was. I love Katy Perry but she makes a scry looking old person. Video aside the song was awesome. It was an upbeat approach at loosing someone who was close to you. We all know what that feels like so the song was relatable and fun like every Katy Perry song is.

20. Without You by David Guetta ft. Usher : This was the perfect duet by two guys. I feel like it's rare two guys that aren't rappers will come together and sing an emotional duet like this. The beat was awesome and got me dancing. Usher is always amazing. Living proof that great music still exists in our generation.

21. Take Care by Drake ft. Rihanna : I listened to the song and told myself it was definitely worth the wait. I like the drum beat that starts playing halfway through the song. It has an African or Jamaican vibe. Rihanna's voice is beautiufl and Drake just kills the whole song with the lyrics. My favorite line is "What's a life with no fun? Please don't be so ashamed. I've had mine, you've had yours, we both know". That's the part where I always really start dancing. For once the song that the album was named after wasn't a disappointment.

22. It Girl by Jason Derulo : Couldn't you just hear the whistling when I mentioned the song? I thought that it was a nice touch to an already great song. It was cool that he used a star from my favorite show Gossip Girl in the video. Lots of cool points for that.

23. God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton : I can't tell you how many times I found myself on long walks listening to this part. I start relating from the first line "I've been a walking heartache, i've made a mess of things. The person that i've been lately ain't who I want to beeeee". It's a good song to listen to when you have hit rock bottom because it reminds me of the people who can make me smile through it all.

24. Drummer Boy by Justin Bieber ft. Busta Ryhmes : The little drummer boy was always one of my favorite Christmas carols. When I heard Justin Bieber was making a Christmas album I said he has to do this one, because he plays the drums. I was super impressed with what I got. He added the awesome rap part as Shawty Mane and Busta Rhymes did his thing amazingly as always. My favorite line was "Playing for the King. Playing for the title. I'm surprised you didn't hear this in the bible"

25. Best Love Song by T-Pain ft. Chris Brown : I was obsessed with this song when it came out. I've actually been a T-pain fan since 7th grade. Everyone always makes fun of him for being auto-tuned or whatever but i've always liked his lyrics and this song took it a different level. The piano part was killer, and everything else was on point. The music video was adorable. I loved the song and listened all year long.

Honorable Mention: This goes out to all the songs I love that were technically released in 2010. Shoutout to Nicki Minaj and Bruno Mars for making some of the best songs that topped the charts this year. If it was just songs I enjoyed this year in general Super Bass would have definitely been number one. The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars would also be high up there. Not to mention Fly my anthem. Rihanna would be on there with California King Bed.

"When will this fantasy end/When will heaven begin"

2011-12-30T18:02:00.000-08:00

Did you know genuinely good people still exist? The kind that open doors for people, pick flowers for their elderly neighbor, and sacrifice their life for someone else. I forget sometimes. When I watch the news all I hear are stories of people doing terrible, cold hearted things. It makes me feel awful about the world I live it. But every once in awhile a story comes out that makes me remember that most people are naturally good. I recently watched CNN and watched something good and bad. I'll start with the bad news first.

I heard a story about a man who had just returned home from Iraq. It was Christmas Day and he was watching the NBA start their season with his brother and his brother's friend. They were both rooting for different teams and when the guy who just got out of the army's team won they started a little trash talking. His brother's friend was so offended he pulled out a gun and shot him like 10 times. Over a silly little basketball game. They dialed 911 and got him to the hospital as soon as they could, but it wasn't soon enough. The man was paralized from the neck down and will probably never walk again. This isn't the most positive thing to say but i'm going to be real; his life is over before it even began. Right after high school he went off to protect our country which I kind of admire (I say kind of because shooting innocent iraqi's doesn't really help me any and I'm not a fan of this war. I personally could never shoot anyone even if it was for a strong cause like protecting the country). Anyways I felt terrible when I heard this, but the light at the end of the tunnel was that the man had hope for his future and felt like it could have been worse. Everything happens for a reason, but it's sad what the world has come to.

The positive story was a young man named Ben Breedlove. Now I had seen his name in a tweet Kim Kardashian sent and for some reason I thought he was the NBA player that had passed away. Anyways, I was watching CNN and they mentioned this must see youtube video. They showed a little clip and I just got a strong urge to watch it. Here's the link to the video : part 1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXEHsHKZreI part 2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jF1Ju60nBbU&feature=related . I really suggest you watch the video. In the video's he tells his life story. He was born with a heart condition called HCM. It caused him to almost die three times. Each other the three times he saw a light and felt a peace he'd never experienced before. He felt heaven. It was so good he didn't want to come back to earth. He passed away on Christmas day at only 18 years old (before he'd even lived). But in the video he talks about how he feels good about the life he lived. He was ready to die, because he knows he has nothing to fear. His strength in God and belief in heaven got him through it all. He was a very handsome guy (is it wrong to say that about a dead person?). I think his video reminded me that when God is on your side you have nothing to fear. This is the verse my grandma said before she passed away and one that relates to Ben's story, " Though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me" - Psalms 23: 4

Song of the day: Mr. Rager by Kid Cudi (this is the song that Ben would listen to to keep him going. He really related to the lyrics about going to heaven. Kid Cudi actually made a statement about Ben that was really sweet

"Iam so sad about Ben Breedlove. I watched the video he left for the world to see, and him seeing me in detail, in his vision really warmed my heart. I broke down, Iam to tears because I hate how life is so unfair. This has really touched my heart in a way I cant describe, this is why I do what I do. Why I write my life, and why I love you all so much. Life is really fucked up sometimes, but I know Ben is at Peace, and I hope he gets a chance to sit and talk with my Dad. We love you Ben. Forever. Thank you for loving me. To Ben’s family, you raised a real hero, he’s definately mine. You have my love"

I bet Ben's smiling in heaven. )

quote of the day: "When will this fantasy end/When will heaven begin" - This is the line Ben really related too in Mr. Rager

"If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

2011-12-29T19:20:00.001-08:00

So I had the best couple of days ever, it'll fill you in. Tuesday and Wednesday I had my two little cousins (age: 10 & 5) over. They were a lot of fun. I took them, my brother, and his friend to see Alvin and the Chipmunks : Chipwrecked. It was actually pretty decent. I didn't fall asleep like in the last movie I took them too. As always going to the movie with little ones is a challenge. My brother and his friends were obsessed with getting as many refills as possible. My 10 year old cousin got sick and threw up (in the bathroom thank god), and my baby cousin (she's 5 but she's still the baby) had to use the bathroom and take little movie breaks. So what I saw of the movie, was really good. After we came back home we had dinner and did makeovers with the two girls. They got all dressed up in my old dresses and halloween costumes and felt like princesses. It was a lot of fun. I don't have little sisters so I enjoy having those two around. The day after that I took them to the park and we just hung out. It was fun.

Today I went and got my hair done after if got burned or some kind of drama. For those of you who don't have relaxers drama is common. I have the best hairstylist in town and she works miracles with my hair but the side effects are just there. I'm leaving my hair natural, well not natural but without a weave or extension for now. I want to just do me and bring the new year in as me. You always year boys (especially black boys) talking about "I want a girl with "good" hair" or "my babies better have good hair". It would always just make me self concious that I don't have "Good hair". It grows out of my head and it's hair. I'm going to try and work with what God gave me. And in all honesty, people have a lot nappier hair then I do. If anything I should be thankful. I didn't mean to go on a rant, but afterwards I went shopping with my mom and got a ton of new clothes that i'm really in love with. I'm trying to start the year off with a new look.

I get upset at little things that have to do with my friends a lot. I don't mean too it just happens. So I told you about having everyone over for my birthday right? Well none of them brought me a gift. Pretty sure I got every one of them that invited me over something on their birthday. It may be part of growing up but I think it's nice to show concern for someone. It took me back to the junior high days when i'd make locker signs for all of their lockers on their birthdays and no one made me any all three years on my birthday. Shout out to my friend Olivia Marshall who made me one 9th grade year. I'll always remember that. It just makes me kind of sad that none of them care enough to even make me a card or anything. Whatever. I always let go but never forget. And shoutout to my bestie: S. the brave for getting me an awesome gift. She couldn't make it to my party but still showed concern. So to O. and S., Love you guys. Everyone else, do better but I love you too

To go back to the title of the blog don't you just adore this line, "If I just lay here, will you lie with me and just forget the world?" To me it's like the image of true love. Two people being able to just lay there not talking or trying to impress each other. Just being. Doesn't get better then that.

song of the day: Chasing Cars by snow patrol (that's where the lines from)

quote of the day: Nothing is easy to the unwilling

Best Television Shows of 2011

2011-12-29T17:28:00.000-08:00

1. Gossip Girl: Absolutely nothing compares to the thrill of waiting to see if Chuck and Blair will prove the critics wrong and find each other at the end. The chemistry between Ed Westwick and Leighten Messier is like nothing i've ever seen before. I don't think I missed a single episode. If it's Monday night at 7, you know i'm watching!

2. Modern Family: It's the only real comedy show on television. It's real and it's funny. Every episode gives you a laugh and no two episodes are the same. It's impossible to get tired of the funny families.

3. One Tree Hill: They said it was the last season, but the fans of one tree hill have loved the show for too long to get a random ending. They renewed the show for one final goodbye season which is just what we need after such wonderful things happened in the last season. The rights make the characters touch your heart. The words spoken teach the viewers so much every single episode. I Can't get enough of it.

4. Keeping Up With the Kardashians/Khloe and Lamar/Kim and Kourtney Take New York: No matter what they're calling the show I can't get enough of the kardashians. All the drama and all the love is just so fascinating. This year was huge with Kim's wedding and a crazy amount of viewers watched only for her to get divorced 72 days later. Weather it's fake or real, I can't get enough of the kardashians!!

5. Glee: Singing, dancing, drama need I say more. It's a feel good show about underdogs. I think everyones felt like a loser at some point in their life so watching all the kids on glee deal with it and move on with life in a positive way is quite inspiring. You never know what's going to happen on the show, and that's what keeps me watching.

6. Sister Wives: Most people wouldn't even put the show on the list but it's interesting. I learn something new every time I watch the program and me, my cousin, and my brother watched it ever weekend.

7. T.I. and Tiny : The Family Hustle : I've been a big fan on Tiny and T.I. from the start. Their show is just what I hoped it would be. The two of them have a lot of passion and can move mountains together. It's nice to get a chance to know T.I.'s other kids. The show makes him come off as a great father and a very educated man. I enjoy watching every week.

8. La La's Full Court Life: La La vasquez always appeared to be like all the other basketball wives. She's married to the very cute Carmelo Anthony and has an adorable side. Who knew she had a fun side? The show showed her as a very cool up and coming side. It's always fun to watch.

9 . This should be number three but i'm too lazy to change the numbers. The Secret Life of the American Teenager is pure genius. It's been so fun to watch Amy and Ricky's family situation progress over time and this year he finally proposed to her!! I couldn't be happier for their little family. Even if they were real people.

10. Toya's Family Affair: Toya got married!! And we got to watch her fall in love and get married on televsion!! As a black woman it was a moment of hope. When people are saying "80 % of dark skinned girls will probably end up unmarried in the modern world" she proved them wrong and found a man who truly loves her. She has a ton of family drama that she worked through and it made me truly proud of her. Reginae Carter is also one cool chick. Not only is she Lil Wayne's daughter but she's funny. The show gave the world a chance to see another side of her.

Celebrity Moments of 2011

2011-12-29T16:26:00.001-08:00

1. The Royal Wedding: William and Kate's wedding was my favorite event of the year. I'll never forget watching Prince William and Prince Harry's sleek black car leave Bukingham Palace and head towards the West Minister Abby church. Kate showed up in a gown that will be remembered and mimicked for generations. As she exited the car all eyes were on Pippa though, and her perfect european figure. I woke up at 4 a.m. on April 11th to witness true love at work. It was the stuff of fairytales.

2. Kim and Kris's wedding : We all waited and watched to see the wedding of our favorite reality television star. We spent all year watching Kim on Kim and Kourtney Take New York. She was looking for love and found it. He came as a tall, dark, and handsome NBA player. Kim was living the dream. Kim wore three absolutely gorgeous Vera Wang gowns. The details in the reception were exquisite, and everyone was all smiles. It looked perfect...till it ended 72 days later. Poor Kim.

3. Justin and Selena were the power couple that took over the world. Justin started the year off the bang with his movie and matching soundtrack: Never Say Never. Never Say Never became the best selling concert movie of all time. Selena released her album We Own The Night and classified herself as a new artist. They both went on tour all over the world and hit up every beach along the way. It wasn't all happy moments: Selena's mother miscarried what was supposed to be her first sibling, Justin was so swarmed by paparazzi he couldn't enjoy the holy land, and let's not forget the women who claimed to father Justin's child. Despite all the bad, they still smooched at every award show and showed the world they were unbreakable.

4. Some things came to an end. Oprah ended after 25 seasons as the number one talk show on television. She ended with a bang and all the celebrity community came out and supported her show. Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows pt. 2 was amazing. It was the last of the series that I grew up with. I read every book and saw every moment, but watching Harry all grown up was surly a movie I will never forget.

5. Charlie Sheen lost his place on his hit show (My dad's favorite) Two and A Half Men. He got a million followers in one day and was seen on every news station completely drunk and drugged up. He left all of us saying "Winning" after ever great thing that happened.

6. Arnold Swartzenager pulled the classic story of the "happily married rich men" screwing the maid and fathering a child. It only took him 10 years to fess up to his poor wife Maria Shriver (a decsendant of the Kennedy family). Being the strong women she is she walked about and didn't shed a tear (on television anyways).

7. We lost some great stars: Amy Winehouse suffered joined the 27 club when she passed away in her home from alcohol related issues. Dame Elizabeth Taylor left us as well due to health complications and old names. Steve Jobs who created all the cool gadgets we adored in 2011 (iPods, iPads, iPhones)lost his battle with cancer. All three household names are gone but never forgotten.

8. Chris Brown finally made his comeback after the mishap with Rihanba. His album F.A.M.E. (Fans are my everything) debued at number one and I didn't have to feel guilty about listening to his music anymore. We also found out he looks cute as a blond. There was a little drama when Robin fron the Today Show interviewed him and asked him about "Rihanna". He responded by discontinuing the interview, throwing a chair threw the glass window, and walking around Time Square with his shirt off. Hey...no one said he was perfect.

9. Rebecca Black. Do I really need to say more? This girl trended on twitter for like a week straight. Her auto-tuned voice and weird pronunciations changed the world. FRY-DEYS (fridays) will never be the same. Don't forget that saturday comes after friday and before sunday. My favorite line was, "Gotta have a bowl, gotta have cereal"

10. Everyone took pictures planking in the weirdest possible places. There was a drama about how planking originated from the slavery days but it didn't stop it from being everywhere. My personal favorite planking pair: Justin Bieber and Diggy Simmons

11. Demi Lovato got out of rehab and came back better then ever. She released my favorite of her albums Unbroken. She shared her struggles with the public in an effort to show the teens of America that it's okay to be proud of who you are and love your imperfections. She made sure everyone knew "Curves are Sexy" and "Sober is Sexy", and "Love is louder then the pressure to be perfect". She tattooed Stay Strong on her wrists as inspiration to herself and it became the anthems of lovotics everywhere. I'm proud of her accomplishments.

12. The NBA lockout: You can't forget all of us feeling bad for the poor, unemployed millionares who quit playing because they didn't feel like they were making enough. I was just having a hater moment, I was on the side of the players. The NBA workers are making millions of dollars off the players talent and there is no NBA without then men who work so hard. They also sacrifice time with their families and their physical health by playing the game. I believe anyone who has extraordinary talent should earn what they deserve. Eventually a deal was struck and the boys started playing again Christmas Day.

"Now i'm not one to second guess what angels have to say, but this is such a strange way to save the world"

2011-12-27T10:10:00.000-08:00

To my all my followers a belated MERRY CHRISTMAS, KWANZA, HAPPY HANNUKAH *busta rhymes voice*. The holiday season has come to an end and I have to admit it makes me a little sad. I love the holidays. I love the lights, the christmas tree, the sense of hope everyone seems to have, and just the feeling of love surrounding you. My Christmas was spent with those that I love the most (minus a few). Christmas Eve was spent cooking Biriani, or watching my mom do it because she hates anyone in the kitchen when she's at work. We sang Christmas carols and went to church twice. I was a bit disapointed by church though to tell you the truth. Christmas is something so special. I love how it's described in the song A Strange Way to Save The World. The song talks about how Joseph and Mary (Jesus's parents) must have felt. Mary gave birth to the son of God. IT doesn't get to be a bigger deal then that. It's huge! And the son of God wasn't born surrounded by gold and the sound of trumpets or anything to that extent. He was born in a stable and slept in a manger surrounded by sheaperds and farm animals. It was humble. It was real. I just love the Christmas story. Every year I read Luke 2:11 in complete awe. The story will never stop being completely magical to me.

After Church we went to my aunts house to hang out and have some cookies. By the time we got home it was Christmas. We hopped in bed and woke up fairly early to open presents. My brother got an iPad and various other games, I got the laptop which i'm typing this post on, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift (The Monster Ball and Speak Now) Dvds. It was cool because I saw both shows and got to relive it. I got Never Say Never Directors Cut which comes with an hour of footage and all the items for the collecters edition. I got one of my favorite movies the notebook, and the Paris Hilton perfume. It was a great Christmas and got more then I ever could of dreamed of. It's not about the things but gifts sure are fun to get.

After our gift opening we had a party with the same people who always come. My uncles, my new baby cousin, and ALL of our family friends. We always have a good time together. It's nice to see everyone. Sometimes I feel like I feel closer to them then they do to me. I mean we grew up together, but ever since puberty it's like "Oh no, I can't talk to you. You're a girl and I might melt or you might think I like you". It's like with African guys instead of moving forward they revert back to kindergarden ways where girls have cooties and they must avoid them like the plague. It's cool, I'm over it. I hung out with my best friend and other little ones. It was a fun holiday and I'm glad I got to spend it with such great people. I feel very blessed.

song of the day: A Strange Way to Save The World

quote of the day: "For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son; that whosoever believeth in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life"

"Como se llama (si), Bonita (si), Mi Casa (Shakira Shakirrrrra)

2011-12-22T15:47:00.000-08:00

Well hello there,
I am so relaxed and so relieved that all the business that comes with december is over. I finished my finals and passed with flying colors. I couldn't be more proud of the B+ I scored in Calculus (it's been a living hell and it feels good to know my hard work payed off). So want to know what's been up with me lately? I turned 17!! I can officially see rated R movies and..well that's about the only new thing I can do. It's also fun to be the same age as most of my friends. Even if it's only for a little while. I started school early, so I always have to deal with being the young one.

So for my 17th Birthday on December 16th, 2011 I had a really chill time. I dressed up in my material girl outfit then headed to school. Didn't really tell anyone it was my birthday, because attention isn't my thing. Me and a couple friends got Chipotle for lunch then I came home. I opened my gifts. My parents got me mula, a curling iron, lotions, and a very cute outfit. I was extremely pleased. Then we drove over to Kansas City and picked up my bestie. We went to the plaza and I finally got to see the city lights people are always talking about. It was really pretty down there. I got to go to the brand new H&M. Let me say that again, Brand New H&M!! They finally built one close to me. I am beyond excited. I love that store. So many cute possibilities. After the brand new H&M, I went to forever 21 where I managed to spend all of my birthday money. I have a serious clothing addiction. I've had it since I was 7 years old. I just love shopping, and I love clothes. I also get tired of my clothes really fast and am always on the lookout for new looks and fashion ideas. So shopping was the PERFECT way to spend my big day.

The day after formal, I went and got my nails and eye brows done. My cousin did my hair and makeup so I felt all beautified. I got dressed and headed out to my last Winter Formal ever. I am a senior after all. I wore a black dress was gold jewels going across it and felt like Kim Kardashian. It was great. My friends and I met up at the worlds most busy restaurant only to find out it would be an hour and a half wait (this happened on my b-day too with the Cheesecake Factory). We ended up walking to the pizza place a couple stores down and enjoyed a delicious meal. There were money issues and no one had change. Few people have payed me and my other friend who paid back. I want my money back. Just putting that out there. Afterwards we went to the dance and I had a great dance. One of my friends that I don't see that often is a dancer so we kind of got started and everyone else joined (Thank God. I was worried no one would dance. My friends are unpredictable but I love them to pieces anyways). The music was great and my favorite moment of the night was Hips Don't Lie by Shakira and Yeah by Usher. Those are my songs. They can get me moving. Afterwards my friends came over for a non-awkward sleepover (something else to be excited about) and we had a great time together.

The day after THAT, I got to meet my adorable penpal. She's super cute and was born in mexico. She's fluent in spanish and english, loves Nicki Minaj, draws devil horns on everything when "the grown-ups aren't looking", and will be a princess someday. She reminded me of myself at a young age. She was super shy at first but then she got in the hang of things and we had a great time together. It was a pretty unforgettable weekend.

song of the day: Hips Don't Lie - Shakira

Quote of the day: Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind.

"Sometimes it lasts the love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

2011-11-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

Kimberly Kardashian and Kris Humphries. Did it pop in your head? This is what popped into mind :

Yup, the beautiful wedding. I can't believe I didn't blog about it, but I was completely obsessed. I got the special Kim's Fairytale Wedding magazine. I was genuinely happy for her, because I watch the show. She always said she dreamt of being married and having babies by thirty. Then by some miracle this perfect guy shows up. He's rich, tall, and handsome. They seemed like a match made in heaven. There were moment where I wasn't so sure. Like when Kim put her career before him and chose not to change her last name to Humphries or move to Minnesota. OR when it was the day before the wedding and Kris wasn't speaking to his bride. Neither was a good situation. But then when Kris sent Kim a beautiful bracelet with their initials on it right before she walked down the isle, and the smiles on their faces made you believe it was really was a fairtytale. Almost bigger and better then the royal wedding.

Then 72 days later on halloween, she filed for a divorce. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that the wedding we just saw on t.v. a month ago was over. My mom rubbed it in my face like there was no tomorrow. When we were watching the episode she suspected that they were just acting. Me being the hopeless romantic that I am believed that it was true love and Kim finally got the happy ending she was looking for. In an instand the fairytale was over. Rumors were swirling that she didn't even tell him she was going to file. She announced her divorce the day her mother's new book came out. Kris was demanding the ring back (it was over 2 million dollars, 1/3 of his yearly pay check). Things got ugly so fast.

Kim and Kourtney Take New York started it's brand new season on sunday and we got a little insight to what was going on in the Humphries household. Kris was being super messy in order to bug his clean freak of a wife. Kim liked being Kris's arm candy but wasn't really living up to the typical wife duties. She did naked yoga and had a but naked black man in their living room. Kris was hurt and I can see why. But after the first episode, I was on Kris's side. He was sweet and he kept saying " I love you" or "sorry I was such a jerk". We'll keep watching and see what happens. I'll do my best to keep you posted.

Oh and on a side note, Kourtney Kardashian is expecting her second child with Scott Disick! Yay! They make such cute babies. I'm glad something is going right for a kardashian woman.

song of the day: Take Care by Drake ft. Rihanna

quote of the day: Kim's message to her fans announcing her divorce : http://kimkardashian.celebuzz.com/2011/11/01/a-message-to-my-fans/

"You can break everything I am/like i'm made of glass..made of paper/Go on and try to tear me down/I will be rising from the ground like a Skyscraper"

2011-11-30T17:36:00.000-08:00

On November 22nd, 2011 I went to the Unbroken Tour. There is nothing I like more then a good concert. Right after school my friend S and her sister came over to my house and we prepared for the big event. We made these really cool glow in the dark posters and hit the road. When we arrived at The Midland, my mom dropped us off at the side door. Behind a big, fancy tour bus. We automatically knew it was Demi's. The three of us were super excited and one of my friends knocked on the door. No one came. So we started walking on the sidewalk to see if we could find any other buses. On the way there, A guy walked past us and said, "Nice posters". He was really cute and really stylish, but we were in a strange city and didn't want to risk talking to strangers. He had his cell phone and was talking and next thing you know he walked into the backstage entrance of the Midland! He was with Demi! We couldn't believe it.

Since he made it look so easy we decided to open the door and go in. Imagine our surprise when there was an old security guard sitting on a chair just starring at us. We smiled and tried to sweet talk our way down but it didn't work. We met people outside who had met Demi with these special meet and greet passes, and two brothers and their sister who were trying to meet Demi. It was getting late so we entered the Midland and found our seats. We still hadn't given up. We saw that guy again, this time with a VIP pass come out of these curtains. Following the earlier trend, we went behind the curtain. There were signs and arrows leading to "dressing rooms". We had finally made it! We started fast walking when this big booming voice goes "TURN AROUND NOW". It was a different security guard. We started walking back but I tried to play dumb and walk the wrong direction. He wasn't in the mood for games and demanded I go the other way. We fast walked then disapeared into the bathroom so they wouldn't know which seats were ours. When we came back they had three very tough looking security guards watching the curtain and everyone that entered. I felt pretty bad a** being the reason they were there. I was finally fearless.

The show itself was amazing. Demi's voice was so strong and out of this world. She could hit all kinds of notes and had a lot of passion in her voice. She sang old songs and new songs. My favorites were Don't Forget, Lightweight, Skyscraper (she played piano beautifully with this one), Who's That Boy, Together, and so much more. I sang along to every work and was so proud of how far she's come this last year. As soon as she finished the encore, me and my friends ran out to her tour bus and sure enough, there were guards sitting there with these post things to hold people back. We started the line, and many people soon followed. We were waiting for Demi.

We stood there for almost 2 hours and her security guard promised us that she'd be there soon. We saw almost everyone from her tour, eventually our friend from the sidewalk came out. We called out to him to come over but he gave us the wait sign. When he came back out I yelled " Guy in the leather jacket, come over here, you promised". He looked into my eyes and sure enough he walked over. We shook hands and it turned out that he remembered us. We chatted a little and he shook our hands. It was great. After he left, Demi's dad came out. I was the only one that recognized him and I said, "DEMI'S DAD. HI DEMI's DAD!" - I was very filled with energy. Sure enough, he waved at me. A few minutes after Demi came out and we all screamed. She signed some autographs, touched my poster, but couldn't unroll it to sign it. It was a little disapointing but I was amazed I even got a chance to meet her. She was absolutely beautiful in person. Here's the video of us meeting her AND her cover of moves like jagger. It was unforgettable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuAZAvrs22Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYy1PtgIToM&feature=channel_video_title

Song of the day: Don't Forget by Demi Lovato

Quote of the Day: "The Mirror can lie. Doesn't show you what's inside. And it, it can tell you you're full of life. It's amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile" - Demi

"We love you Conrad, Oh yes we do, We love you Conrad and we'll be true.."

2011-11-29T18:53:00.000-08:00

Dear blog,
I would tell you I missed you but I have WAY too much to fill you in on. I'll start with the biggest and best things that happened to me in the last couple months.

Bye Bye Birdie, the musical I was in turned out great!! It was really fun acting, and getting costumes from the 50's. We got to do our make-up really pretty and feel like stars. It doesn't get better then that. I had a small roll, but it was better then nothing. The last week was super stressful and we had to rehearse every night for like 4 hours. My mom and my brother came to see the show and loved it. I was really glad they did. They were dreading going and making a big fuss about ti so i'm glad they enjoyed it. My friends also came to see it, but they disapointed me.

Me and A. (I bet your mind jumped to pretty little liars) walked out of the room all excited because finally some friends came to see us. Other people's friends came to support them all three nights but we knew ours weren't that type anyways. So we go out there anxiously awaiting people to run up to us and praise us for our performance. Is it wrong to want to feel some love and appreciation like everyone else was getting? Our friends never came. We stood there completely alone while everyone was being greeted and getting flowers. Then we spotted them running off to go do something of their own. A project or something. We didn't run to them, because we or at least I wanted them to run to us. They didn't and it was beyond disapointing. They claimed to look for us but we saw them the whole time, and they weren't looking for us.

After the play we went to this cast party. I'm not much of a party person, and it took this party to realize it. We went off with two of my closest friends and drove to the grocery store together to pick up a snack to bring. We got these "winterlicious" chocolate cupcakes that looked delish. We went to the cash register and met this lady who knew everything about the Kardashians. As you all know, i'm obsessed with their show and can't believe what happened with Kim & Kris (that deserves its own post). Anyways we chatted and when I was ready to walk out the door I realized I didn't have a key. I totally freaked out and we searched the whole store for it. Guess where it was? In the car. We got in a drove to the party.

The entire thing was uneventful. There was music, and snacks. No one was dancing or anything, but people were chatting and girls were doing anything to get attention as usual. Me and my friend were trapped on this couch then decided to finally move, so we could mingle. My friend got through but I got stuck behind this girl making a big scene with her legs spread open like she was about to do something with the guy in front of her. I said excuse me", but she didn't move and I was kind of stuck there. Then my hero came. He goes " God (insert girls name here)! Get out of her way." Then he turned to me and said, "I'm sorry". Then he smiled. And I smiled. And I fell for him. It's just a crush, but I thought i'd shared with you. Okay, thats all. More blogs coming soon I promise. xxx

song of the day: Christmas Love by Justin Bieber (I am totally obsessed with the Under the Mistletoe album)

quote of the day: When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't, they don't.

Tribute to Steve Jobs, "Then a Hero comes along, with the strength to carry on"

2011-10-07T22:41:00.001-07:00

Steve Jobs was the Einstein of our generation. We lost a truly talented person. The cool thing about Steve Jobs was he was more then just book smart, he was a dreamer. He knew what he wanted and he was willing to do everything he could to get it. A lot of people don't really know everything he was involved with. He created the first personal computer, this thing i'm typing on right now would not be around if it wasn't for Steve Jobs. He named the first real computer Lisa after his love child from a previous relationship.

He ran Apple during its peak. He was there for the creation of the Macbook Airs, iPads, iPhones, and iPods. These are all common terms to us all and you probably have one of these things lying around somewhere. Before Steve Jobs, music was stored in millions of CDS that took up a crazy amount of room. The funny thing about CDS is that you would only really like one or two songs from them anyways. He made an entire system perfect for the storing of songs. The first iPod could only hold 1000 songs, but you could have your music with you wherever you go. He created the entire system of itunes so that it can be an all in one thing. Then he made the iPhone and gave you pretty much everything you could ever need to survive in one. The iPhone was the first smart phone of his kind. At this point people couldn't imagine not having these things. He modernized the world, and had a very wise understanding of everything.

He was fired from his own company sometime in the 90s, so instead of moping around or wasting money like some people would Steve Jobs created Pixar which created the many cartoon movies that were a part of our childhood. Everything from Monsters Inc to Cars. Who brought these to our lives? Steve Jobs. The man was a genius.

In the end it was Pancreatic Cancer that killed him, but he fought hard for 8 years and was able to do his best work in that time. He was an unforgettable human being, and left the world a different better place then he found it.

Here are some great quotes of his:

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose"

"Your time on earth is limited, don't live by someone else's life, live by your own vision"

I really liked what Obama said: "And there may be no greater tribute to Steve's success than the fact that much of the world learned of his passing on a device he invented. "

RIP Steve Jobs

Cause you can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a heart"

2011-10-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,
Have you noticed we live in a world obsessed with romance. Every single television show is about love, every single song is about love, and every single book is about...I bet you can guess..LOVE. L-O-V-E, L is for the way you look at me, 0 is for the only one I see. I think you get the picture. It makes love seem like the most important thing in the world. And it is. What pops in your head when you think Love? For me the first thing is God, because i'm really into the phrase "God is Love". The second is family, and the third is the notebook. I think thats one of the best love stories ever written. The book is amazing and the movie is even better. It's awesome to see love that lasts more then a week but a lifetime. Thats what makes that movie so touching. They're together through thick and thin and always find their way back to each other. They're soulmates.

Is there really such a thing anymore? We live in a world where 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. 70% of African American women remain unwed throughout their entire lives. But all these statistics just make people long for it more. The feeling and idea that there is someone out there who completes them. Someone who makes them a better person. This Sunday Kim Kardashians "Fairytale Wedding" special appears on t.v. I am so excited! Her and Kris Humphries make the worlds cutest couple. She was one who always believed in love and always knew she would find someone to complete her despite the crazy lifestyle she has. And she found that person. We'll have to watch how it plays out, maybe she'll prove all the statistics wrong and prove that true love exsists. At least for pretty armenian girls. Better then nothing I guess.

My love life is currently non-existent. Part of me still wants that stupid prince but I know he doesn't want me. I shouldn't call him stupid. He's never done anything to me, but sometimes thats the problem. There's nothing that crushes your self-esteem more then knowing you weren't worth anything. Not worth a fight, or even three words. It'll always sit there in the back of my mind. The truth is you never really can fix a heart. The stuff that hurt you deep down will never go away, you can just put a band-aid on it and hope that it'll heal with time. But i'm trying to forget him and look in other directions. There are some cute guys at school i've had nice conversations with but a lot of them are already taken and with people that they think are their "soulmates". Who would want to get in the way of a bond that special? Oh well, if this soulmate stuff is real (and I really want to believe it is), I have nothing to worry about. God is just saving me for someone special. And the truth is, i'm just find alone. I focus on my school work and the stuff thats truly important for a girl my age. But sometimes I can get brainwashed into feeling lonely by society. Thats life I guess.

song of the day: Fix a Heart by Demi Lovato

quote of the day: "Protect her, Love her, Kiss her, Hug her, Hold her, Smile with her, Laugh with her. But don't make her fall if you don't plan to catch her. "

"If we all could get along, then we all could sing this song together"

2011-10-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!
I've missed you. I'm also wondering how many of you noticed the new changes to the blog. It was time for it to get changed. Now it feels way more me. I'm kind of a bubbly person, it doesn't show at school or events with school people but everywhere else i'm really upbeat. I still haven't got over the fake me that appears at school. Its not fake buts its distant. Like I'm completely quit and try too hard to be polite. Today I was talking to this really cute guy with these two other girls and he was telling the STUPIDEST jokes. But I would laugh joke after joke, and pretend he was the funniest person i've ever seen. In my mind I was like, "what. an. idiot." I can't help but wonder if it's better to be mean and real or nice and fake? How would I rather be dealt with? Somewhere in between. I like when people are honest with me but I am not yet wonderwoman. I don't know if I would able to remain unbroken.

Speaking of Unbroken, DEMI LOVATO is coming to Kansas City. Caps to show my excitment! I love her new album, and I love her story and it would be an honor to hear her sing it live. You know I'm going to try to go to that concert. And speaking of concerts, I just got home from one. It was my friends eighteenth birthday so we went out to dinner and went to see the band St. Vincent perform. I can't say I was very impressed by them. The location reeked of bear, I was harassed for keeping my camera, and the music just wasn't my thing. It was very hippy and I couldn't connect with any of the lyrics. But I went for my friend, and I hope she had a good time. It was a nice time to reconnect with my friends and feel like part of a group again. I can be awfully lonely sometimes.

I recently joined a club though. It's called Core Club. It means Christians on the revolutionary edge or something. We're christian people active about our mission. I know Christian clubs are know for being cheesy and judgmental but this was a great punch of kids who felt Gods present in their lives. I felt connected and the club encouraged me to grow stronger in my faith and make that part of me more present in my every day life. I thought it was cool! I also recently read an article about the 9/11 terrorists. It was talking about how devoted they were to their evil plan. The entire point of the article was to ponder what life would be like if people were equally devoted to positiive things. Like saving our planet, or curing diseases. Our society has become a group of bandwagon activists. We hear stuff on CNN then all tweet about it for one day but do nothing to change it. And chances are the next week we won't even remember what we were so angry about. I want to be passionate about something that benefits others. I just need to find my cause. Any suggestions?

song of the day: Together by Demi Lovato

quote of the day: "When you stop fighting, you stop living. So...find your fight. then fight like hell 'til your battle has won" - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

"I don't know what I want so don't ask me cause i'm still trying to figure it out/Don't know what's down this road, i'm just walking"

2011-09-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone.
Let me start by saying that i'm the most moody person that ever lived. I was really happy today for many reasosn. The first reason is that I auditioned for the musicals Bye Bye Birdie and I made it! I've always liked musicals. The first one I fell in love with was The Sound of Music. I still love those songs. They mean everything to me. So when I heard about this I figured it was worth a try so me and my friend A. tried out. We both got it! It's a cool musical that reminds me a lot of bieber fever. I don't know how many of you are on top of your history, but its based off of Elvis Presly going off to war. He was like the Justin Bieber of our grandparents time and girls screamed and cried and were heartbroken that he was leaving. I enjoy plays with substance so that was good.

The second awesome thing was I got to hang out with my friends today. And when I say friends I mean friends. I got to hang out with people that I genuinly like and mean something to me. The ones I get alonh with, and can tell anything. You're all probably thinking "thats what a friend is supposed to be". I agree, but I gave a lot of people the title of my friend who I didn't feel close too. They're aquantinces. But the people I spent my day with were really friends. And it felt nice to know that I have that. That I am not alone (by alone I mean my family isn't the only thing I have).

So I have a cute little story to tell you. There is this guy in choir who decided to bring roses and chocolates for this girl every single day of the year until she likes him. He did it for five consecutive school days. Cute huh? Of course the girl doesn't like him because thats how life works but its still nice. I also watched an awesome romantic comady called Something Borrowed. I sugest everyone sees it, but for me thats when the saddness came in. It just made me feel alone, and made me wonder if my life will ever turn out to be as great as the scenes in the movie are. But then I watched Awkward. and something stuck. They were talking about how destincy happens by choice, not fate. You make the rules. If I want a life like the movies then I have to work for it and choose it for myself. The power of positive thinking.

Well that's a day in the life.

Song of the day: A place in this world by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Actions are the seed of fate deeds grow into destiny. - Harry S. Truman

"I'm a lightweight..easy to fall easy to break/With every move my whole world shakes/Keep me from falling apart"

2011-09-27T16:15:00.001-07:00

Well hello there long lost blog friends,
I've missed writing more then anything. My life continues to be a busy mess, and its only before I sleep that I even have time to think. I actually had a great weekend. One that was worth two blogs but i'll try to minimize it. On friday I was in a parade and got to hold a pretty diversity club banner. After, I went to the homecoming game with my friends. We went out to dinner before, which was a little awkward. Is it weird that I sometimes feel uncomfortable in front of my own people? I broke the cardinal rule and brought a new comer, my friend from Kenya. People didn't greet her as kindly as I had hoped but I can't control everything. I guess its ok. The best part of the game was getting a hello from an increadibly attractive guy, I didn't even know he knew my name. No one heard it though, and no one believed it. Am I that unlikable that its impossible someone would say hi to me? It happened. I'm not delusional. His smile made me smile. It was awesome.

Saturday was one of the most unforgettable days of my life. It started out a little boring but I was too excited to notice. I went and saw Taylor Allison Swift's Speak Now Tour with my friend A. We came together to make a really cute poster that said "TAYLOR, we would be enchanted to meet you". We dressed up as Taylor Swift with song lyrics on our arms and a thirteen on our hands. Taylor sold out Arrowhead Stadium. There were 50,000 people at the concert. You could feel the love in the air. For me it was almost a religious experience. I know every word to every song she sang. Even the surprise one from the deluxe edition she did acoustically. So I sang and danced the entire night. Her stage was phenomenal. It would transform to so many different scenes in such a short time. During back together the entire stadium was snowing with white pieces of confetti. During Haunted, she had Trapeeze artists falling from bells in the most fantastic of ways. She ballerina dancers during enchanted. And most importantly she sang her little heart out and had the voice of an angel. It was unforgettable.

There's normally this thing called the T-Party at Taylor's shows but she didn't have one for our town. Me and Akira were already looking forward to getting in. But the cocnert was so great I didn't even care. A friendly security guard gave us an inside tip on where Taylor was. So we got to watch her leave the stadium. We didn't actually see her. There was caution tape and two police officers. It was a top secret missions and before we could even notice she got into a black ford and left our town with a police escort. I'm counting down the days till her next tour. I can't wait to see her perform again! If she comes to your town find a way and go. Its spectacular.

song of the day: Lightweight by Demi Lovato (If you haven't listened to Unbroken yet, you just have too. I'm absoltuly in love with the songs on there. I know that just because its Demi Lovato you wont actually consider listening to it. But trust me her voice is stunning. The songs are good, and this particular one describes me)

Quote of the day: Faith is love taking the form of aspiration.

Story of the day: Today in Anatomy class a very cute guy asked me to be his partner. Our of all the girls in that class he picked me! I was shocked but loved working with him. He's sooo cute. But he has a girlfriend. This is turning into the story of my life.

quote of the day:

"But I don't say a lot of things, and you my love are gone"

2011-09-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,
So much to talk about today..well type about. I'm going to start by saying I had an incredible time at Fall Fun Fest with the people from my church. 90 youth from Jr. High and High school came up to my church and we did a lot of fun things. We had those blow up obsticle courses, sumo wrestling, human foozball, and a ton of other activities like that. Then we sang songs, and we worshiped God. We ate together and watched Tangled (most adorable movie ever! I loved it. The duet in it reminded me to A whole new World). Then we spent the night at the church and woke up and attend service. I was overwhelmed with a strong feeling deep inside me. Its like I just knew that God was there with all of us. I got to hang out with genuine, and kind hearted people that were my age. Everyone there really had everyones interest at heart and wanted everyone to feel like part of something special. I got to see my friends from camp and catch up on bieber stuff, which was extremly fun. None of my friends at home are beliebers so it was great to geek it out with other people. I had a great time and gained faith in the human population. Its not as bad as it seems. There are still good people out there.

So something you probably don't know about me is that there's a me no one knows. Well most people don't know me. I started thinking of it as "Mariam (the real me, pronounced Mar-ee-um)" and there's "Merriam, (what I always get called by people who don't really know me)". Mariam is fun,happy, loves to talk, has a serious case of bieber fever, and is just insane but in a good way. Merriam is shy, doesn't speak much, and is "shy". When I don't really know people or just feel uncomfortable around people I know I go into that mode. I don't think i'm fake, and I don't think I have multi-personality disorder it just happens to be that way and I don't know why. I want to be me everywhere and all the time. Its my goal. It may not happen in time for high school, but definetley in time for college.

One negative thing I noticed at camp was more insecurity issues from people. This is a serious problem in society. Everyone is scared to be different, or be who they truly are. This isn't a problem with guys but it is with girls. Everyone has something different they're upset about. Something they don't like about themselves, and instead of learning to accept it as part of them they change it. Not only with plastic surgery but with hiding it any way they can. I think it ruins your self esteem. People don't feel good about how they look but they feel good about the them they created to please others. I wish there was away for people to see just how awesome they really are. If we're going to change this is our society we need to stop judging others so harsly and learn to love their imperfections.

song of the day: The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

quote of the day: Life is too short; enjoy your days, laugh at every chance, cry only if you must and never let others bring you down - The Notebook

" I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul"

2011-09-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Well hello there everyone,
It's been one pretty awesome weekend. Last week was super stressful, and I thought Caculus would be the death of me but I persevered and survived. I also found myself a little sad towards the end of the week, because I felt worthless to someone that meant the world to me. But it opened my eyes and I moved on (Can you believe that? I'm learning to learn and let go a lot more now!). Anyways, saturday I left for St. Louis with my mother, her friend (who I call my aunt), her three kids along with my brother. We rented a pretty awesome SUV and took off. It was a fun trip, listening to lots of music and just hanging out with my cousins. Those two little girls are so darling. I've always wanted a sister, but those two are the next best things. I've known them both since they were born and its fun watching them grow up and become real people.

I was a little dissapointed in their generation though. We were all getting beautified for the baby shower we went there for and my little cousin was wearing this adorable indian outfit. It was a sari, with the stomach showing, and a long skirt. You know what i'm talking about? It was really pretty with red embellishments. She was really excited and thought she looked great (which she did. She was the prettiest person in the room). Anyways, when she went down to hang with the other kids who were all boys they started saying "Your stomach is showing" followed by "you need to diet". It broke her heart. You could just see the joy leaving her eyes and the anger forming in mine. She's not fat at all. She barely has a stomach, but no she's not skin and bones like the girls they see on T.V. She was trying to cover up with her scarf the entire night and kept saying "I'm so ugly" every time we would go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I told her over and over again that she was beautiful, but it didn't mean anything because the boys she crushes on that really matter don't feel the same way.

What has happened to the world? When did anorexic become beautiful? And why is it? I honestly don't understand. Everyone is so superficial, and searching for perfection. MY experience has shown a pretty face does not mean a pretty heart. Thats what should matter? You're heart. And how you treat others. And who you are. But those things have dissapeared. I watch boys tweet things like "there's nothing worse then a fat girl" and ignore some sweet people because their not as great on the outside. If only we could see with our hearts. If only my little cousin didn't have to go through that. I know there are still people that think that way, but I wish there were more of them and less of everyone else.

song of the day: Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney (why can't everyone think like him)

quote of the day: Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind - Dr. Seuss

'My hearts a stereo, it beats for you so listen close. Hear my thoughts in every note. Oh Oh"

2011-08-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

Hey peoples,
To fill you in a little on my life daily...i've been going to school and doing homework. How fun huh? I miss summer but it's nice to be learning again and keeping busy. I have some really good teachers this week. My sentence was chosen as "Sentence of the week" in writing class. She made a huge deal about it. It was just a little humiliating. We were supposed to write a sentence using the words soul and crawled so I wrote, "His soul crawled into the light, where it belonged all along". Nothing special but it was nice of her to choose it. I don't like attention that much though so that was weird. I'm trying to get over the attention thing though. Be fearless. I'll get there... one day. I also had to sing in front of my choir class today. I kind of sucked. I get really nervous in front of people from my school because they're so judgemental. When I auditioned for that talent competition I was able to sing really loud and everything. Because I was confident in my abilities. But the people at school don't make any accomplishment seem impressive or decent. It's never good enough. Sorry for the rant. In other news....

Kim Kardashain married Kris Humphries in what is supposed to be the wedding of this generation. She had three outfit changes, and the guests were required to wear either black or white. She had the bridesmaids in white, because she's Kim Kardashian. She has absolutley nothing to be insecure about. She knew she would outshine them. Her Step-Dad Bruce walked her down the aisle but she had a little passage about her real father Robert Kardashian (Lawyer in the OJ simpson trial) in the wedding booklet. Those Kardashians have the most fun family, and they're all flawless in every way. Thats what you call blessed.

I have a new pet peeve. I absolutley hate people who judge others based on what they like. I think it's because I always like some of the things that aren't as widely accepted. I just think you can't judge a person based on what books they read and what music they listen too you know. It doesn't necessarily make them who they are. It's the same as judging a person by their apperence. It says nothing about their values, and traits they have. All humans are made differently and more into certain things then others. We took a personality test in class today. I got the "nice person" one. I always end up in the shy quiet girl section. Which I guess is what I am. It was the 2nd most common one. But it warned me against letting others take advantage of me, and caring too much about what other people think. I'm going to try to keep both those things in mind throughout the week.

Song of the Day: Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Hero's and Adam Levine

quote of the day: " The day you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you're wrong. The only things wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it" - Haley James Scott on One Tree Hill

"You and I know what it's like to be kicked down, forced to fight, but tonight we're alright/So hold up your light...let it SHINE"

2011-08-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I heard one of the saddest stories possible. It was just so heartbreaking. And then I heard another one. And another one. And I realized how cruel life can be sometimes. If I were a crier I definitely would have broken down, but I'm not. Its not a new thing, I just don't like crying in front of people. Not even my own mother. I mean i'm not a robot or anything, I have had my break downs just like everyone else but I just prefer not too. Everyone handles grief their own way, and this is my way. Just holding stuff in and getting through it. I know they say its not good to keep things bottled up, but..that's just how I am. Anyways the story.

A long time ago I went to my first American wedding. It was the nicest lady right here in kansas. They were a wonderful couple so happy and filled with joy. They had the sweetest family there fully supporting them. A little after the wedding, the woman's mother passed away. They were really close. She got pregnant, around the same time she found out her only brother had cancer and it was terminal. He passed away, and she lost her brother. Through all the saddness of two huge loses, her and her husband were able to get through because of their excitement for their child. 9 months later she had the baby, and he passed away the same day. If you've been keeping up thats 3 deaths. I told you that the couple was strong right? So they dealt with all of this together. They chose to try again and had a beautiful baby boy. Unfortunetly, this isn't where the happy ending comes in. Their beautiful baby was diagnosed with cancer and is still fighting it to this day, 5 years later. But they have a lot of hope and a lot of faith that he will make it.

Around the time he was diagnosed they found out they were excpecting another child. Another Boy. Their first born was going to be a big brother. Exciting right? Everything went well and they had themselves a beautiful healthy boy. But then something went wrong, and their baby boy became their angel. He passed away a couple months later. Yup thats four losses. The whole thing is unimaginable. But they kept their spirits up and their faith helped them through. They tried again and were blessed with another boy (Don't worry, nothing happened to this one). To this day their still the same happy couple I saw on their wedding day even though they've been through all of this. We recently found out she was pregnant again. This time with a little girl. She was so excited to do her hair, and dress her up. She'd already gotten a nursery set up and her boys couldn't wait to have a little sister. Close to due date...she lost the baby. Can you imagine one family going through ALL of this.

They are facing so many trials. So many issues. And through it all they've kept their faith, and still have hope in a happy ending for them and their boys. So think about your life. Right now. Think about the things you've been complaining about? Do they even compare to all of this? In the words of Carrie Underwood, "Sometimes that mountain we've been climbing is just a grain of sand". This story sure makes a lot of issues and problems that regular people face seem so small. I'm not saying your problems are unimportant, but i'm saying be grateful for the life you have. Live it, and live it well. It could be so much worse. And I know that doesn't always help get through things, but it might help to remember. And if you can, keep this family in your prayers or positive thoughts or whatever it is you do. Their nice people and don't deserve to go through more tragedy. They've dealt with enough.

song of the day: Lighters by Bad Meets Evil & Bruno Mars

quote of the day: A moment lasts all of a second but memories last forever

"Next Time I'll Be Braver, I'll Be My Own Savior"

2011-08-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well today was my first day of school. I don't know what I was expecting but this wasn't it. Its always hard to fall asleep the first day of school, because of that semi -nervous, semi -excited feeling you have. So of course I stayed up later then planned and woke up earlier. I got dressed (I looked pretty cute if I say so myself. I wore a printed cute shirt that hangs off the shoulder a little bit, the most amazing dark jeans, and gladiators.) My hair is curly now, new change i forgot to fill you all in on. I guess I was tired of having straight hair like everyone else. I wanted a change. I've always liked curls so I figured why not make it perminent. The first day I was worried I looked like a diana ross wannabe but the next day I was used to it.

So I walk out of my car and see a bunch of people looking like their auditioning for America's next top model. I mean like face filled with makeup, little dresses, super high heels. It bugged me for half a second then I remembered exactly what I was there for...to learn. I'm not there to impress anyone, or compete with anyone. The class part was boring so i'll spare you the details of boring syllabus's and terrible get to know you games. Normally I don't mind class that much but this year I have no classes with friends. Only math and choir. Choir doesn't even count because there are like 109 people in there. I just feel weird like I don't belong. I know the people in my classes by name and a little bit of info but i'm not really close to any of them which just makes conversations less interesting. I wish people would just fast forward through small talk and just get to the real stuff. It would save time and those conversations are way better anyways. *sigh* (Nicki Minaj Voice)

I feel like this is God giving me what I asked for. I asked for a chance to meet new people and be more social. To get along and be braver and fearless. So that's what I got. I'm going to try my hardest to make something good out of what may seem like a negative situation. You can find something positive in anything if you look hard enough into it. So keep your fingers crossed for me, I hope it will be a decent year.

song of the day: Turning Tables by Adele (If you haven't listened to the 21 album yet you just have to. Every song is amazing. I'm in love with the emotion and feeling in all the songs. You just can't stop listening)

quote of the day: Life isn't about how many breaths you take, it's about the moments that take your breath away

"Excuse me you're a hell of a guy, you know I really got a thing for American guys..I mean sigh "

2011-08-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

Summer 2011 is officially over. It's been good, and it's been memorable. In mostly good ways. I'm going to do a little summer recap for you all.

My top five best summer moments were:
1. Stratford, Ontario: Going to Justin Bieber's room and meeting his uncle and his dog pretty much made my life. No even going to lie. It was the highlight of my fan girl career.

2. Niagra falls. It was amazing in so many different ways. It was the first of the seven wonders of the world i've ever seen. It's just something unforgettable.

3. My day in Chicago was also extremly amazing. I enjoyed almost everything we did there but the aquarium and Navy Pier were my favorite. Navy Pier was just really good family time. I realized how much I loved them as we went up the ferris wheel and saw all of Chicago from above.

4. The Bruno Mar's "Hooligans in Wonderland" concert. You know I love concerts. We were on the floor and so close I swear Bruno looked in my eyes a couple times. It was amazing and I fell in love with his music all over again. I also got to go with two amazing friends.

5. A tie between the girl scout trip in St. Louis (despite the fighting and arguing) and going over to my best friends because we never really get to hang out that much.

Music is my life and the best most fun music comes out in the summer. Here are my top five summer jams:

1. Super Bass by Nicki Minaj (listened to this ALL summer and never got tired of it. I wasn't the only one, Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez both covered it. Boom badoom boom boom haha)

2. The Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce (Queen B is just the best. Her music never gets old and it's just fun. The dress in the music video still blows me away)

3. California King Bed by Rihanna (It was nice to hear Rihanna take it slow and show off her voice. Which is AMAZING)

4. How To Love by Lil Wayne (I listened to this song for the first time not expecting much and ended up singing along too it all summer. For the first time ever he was relatable. Not just the tough guy spitting all these bad words, but a human being. Like the rest of us)

5. Skyscraper by Demi Lovato (This was the song I auditioned for Arts with so it holds a special place in my heart. After everything Demi has been through it made me increadibly proud of her)

Top Movie of the Summer:

HARRY POTTER!!! It was Epic. It was the finally. Nothing will ever top. I felt like my childhood was ending. I laughed, almost cried. It was nothing and everything. Forget the other movies. This is the one i'll remember.

Top News Stories of the Summer:
1. Starving Somalia: this is so so so sad. I can't believe this day in age we still struggle with simple things like food and water. The world needs to come together and help these people

2. The Tornado's in missouri were crazy this year. So many people died. Just awful.

3. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez going to the billboard awards together. He kissed her. They Kissed trended on twitter for like ever.

4. Kim Kardashian got engaged and is now five days away from having the most epic wedding in history. Get excited people.

5. Lady Gaga topped Oprah on Forbes list, AND Katy Perry was the first artist (besides Michael Jackson) to have 5 number one singles from the same album at the same time on the Billboard 100 charts.

Oh and on a more negative note, I lost my Uncle Sebastian this summer. He was a great kind hearted soul that is gone but never forgotten. RIP

And that my friends was summer 2011. It's been good. I'll miss it. I can only hope the year will be as great as this summer's been.

"Just the thought of you can drive me wild...oh you make me smile"

2011-08-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

I feel lost. About everything. It's like something happened to me and I can no longer really make decisions and don't really know what it is I want and over thing every step of everything. I don't understand it. But I feel this way often. I think its part of being young. You have to figure out life and figure things out. Somethings I think I should just let it be, you know? Just let things flow and see where they go. But sometimes they don't go anywhere. There's only so much wishing, and hoping you can do. There comes a time when you need to decide what it is you find worth fighting for, and put your all in it. It could be a charity, or a person, or anything. This thing becomes your reason for living. But the more I think about it, the more I think maybe you don't need something like that. Maybe you can live for yourself. To achieve greatness on your own and such. But what are all the treasures of the world are nothing if you have no one to share it with. These are all just the random thoughts in my head.

In other news, summer is almost over. This has been the fastest summer I ever had. June was pretty much a blur because I wasn't even home for a full week. I went to St. Louis, then camp, then over to my friends in a different city, then Canada, then chicago. It was awesome and adventure filled. It's very rare I have a summer that busy so I was glad and thankful for the fun opportunities I had. I'm really sad to see it end though. But I think going back to school will be good for me. I'll be more focused on the right things and the challenge will keep me busy. I know i'm supposed to be beyond excited that it's senior year but...I'm really not. I'm more excited for senior pictures then anything else. And prom of course is what i've been waiting for since I was little. It will be fun to ride around in a limo and get all dressed up. I'm trying to think posativley about everything but right now it just feels like bleh, why can't summer last forever....

song of the day: Smile by Uncle Kracker (kind of obsessed with this. Its a guarenteed pick me up)

quote of the day: Some want things to happen, some wish things to happen, and some make things happen

"Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me/When will my reflection show who I am inside..."

2011-08-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

"You can't know what you want until you know who you are"

At some point in every life people struggle with who they are. It's a tough question. Recently when I was filling out some college stuff they asked me to describe myself in three words. It was unbelievably tough. I have yet to complete that assignment. I was always a person against "finding yourself". I don't think you can go off to the middle of the woods for days and just magically know who you are and what you stand for. I think the whole point of life is to create yourself. To become someone that you can be proud of. To be content and learn to love yourself for who you are inside.

There are lots of people in my life who find themselves then struggle with loving themselves. Weather its loving what they look like, or what their life is like. I think its the worst thing you can do for yourself. You have to love yourself and be there for yourself. When the whole world turns against you, you should be there standing strong for yourself. No one can love you if you don't love yourself. i think that people see you how you see yourself. So if you see someone terrible and unlovable thats what everyone else is going to see too.

There is something good about everyone. No one is 100% evil. I can't bring myself to believe that and you shouldn't either. I am the kind of person who has a big wall up and I don't let very many people over the wall. It's hard for me to show exactly what I am, partly because I don't know myself. So i've always been the kind of person that doesn't judge a book by its cover. I know that there's always more then there seems to be. Inside whatever disguise people put on to the world, there's a person. A great one at that, because god makes no mistakes baby you were born that way.

song of the day: Reflection from Mulan sang by Christina Aguleria

quote of the day: Give your head permission to follow your heart

"You just see right through me but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful miracle...unbelievable instead of just invisible"

2011-08-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

What do you do when the one you want doesn't want you back?

Good question, i've been wondering the same thing. I know I said I was over it. And I feel pretty over it. I mean i've given up on any hope of the two of us ending up together but part of me will always have a soft spot for him. It crazy how someone can make you fall head over heels for them without even trying. Its all in the smile, he's got this AMAZING smile...when he smiles I can't not love him. He's just the cutest thing. Wait what...? I didn't mean that. I'm over him. The smile means nothing. Who am I kidding...

I want to fall in love. I want to meet someone that makes me happy. That I can tell everything too. I guess you can say i'm just a little lonely. I figured out that my friends were way more awesome then I gave them credit for. I got to hang out with a couple of them and we had a really good time. We enjoyed it and I felt comfortable with them. I'm looking forward to next year a little more now that I know I don't have to go through the melo-dramas of not having the right shoes, or feeling invisible alone.

Last year I purposly made myself invisible. It was easier for me that way. I didn't have to deal with problems, there was no drama, and I learned. But this year, I don't want to be invisible. I want to be me. Not scared of what anyone thinks. Anyone that makes fun of me for listening to Justin Bieber, or watching gossip girl can kiss my butt. I don't care what they think anymore because I finally like the person that I am.

Now what i'm worried about is that it will be all talk and no action. I'm scared that when I get to school i'll revert back to the same old invisible me. But i'm really going to make an effort this year. Hold me too it.

song of the day: Invisible by Taylor Swift

Quote of the day: You don't realize how much you care about someone until they don't care about you. <<<< (real talk courtesy of boardofwisdom.com. they have a lot of cute sayings like this)

"Go on and try to tear me down/I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper"

2011-08-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!
I'm lost. What else is new? I'm always lost. But I do have one thing figured out. I found out that the whole "finding yourself" thing is over rated. I now think that the whole point of like is inventing yourself. You can be anything you want to be and you have to choose which path you're going to take. You can get yourself into trouble (like Miley Cyrus, she's smoking now?!?! Ewww), you can make something of yourself, or you could waste your entire life hiding in fear. I used to be the person that hid in fear. But recently I decided I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to be fearless, and I want to really live. I also want to be a person I can be proud of and so far I really am. I'm proud of the person I am and I like who I am.

Exactly a week ago my brother and I signed up to audition for this thing called ARTS Talent agency. I had decided in the beginning of summer that I would be the next Selena Gomez. It all started when I saw her E! Hollywood Story and realized we're kind of similar. We're both shy,and we both like to sing and act. I also realized that "making it" wasn't as hard as it always seemed. She just went to an audition, did well, and BOOM she was living every girls dream. Her own show, album, clothing line, and Bieber. Doesn't get better then that.

I did some reaserch and found out that one of Disney Channels talent agents was named Kim Myers. Then fate came calling. A few weeks later after i'd forgotten the whole fantasy I got in my car driving to the gym and I heard an advirtisment for an all ages talent search hosted by non other then Kim Myers. Crazy right? Of course I signed up right away. The auditions were for singers, actors, dancers, and models. I auditioned as a singer and an actor. I practiced like crazy as my mom laughed at me thinking i've lost my mind.

We went to the auditions, and I sang SkyScraper by Demi Lovato. It sounded really awesome. That night around 2 am I find out that both my brother and I got called back and would be given the opportunity to go to Orlando and perform in front of a ton of agents. But there was a minor problem.... it costs money and I have...no money. My dad turned the whole thing down and it hit me that I wouldn't be the next Selena. I was really disapointed but then I was proud of myself. Out of the 25 girls that auditioned with singing I was one of three that got called back. My audition was in front of about 50 parents and contestants and I performed in front of all of them. It may not seem fearless to you but for me it was a huge step in the right track.

It all probably sounds kind of crazy but I took a risk and it was worth it. I need to take more of those.

song of the day: Skyscraper by Demi Lovato

quote of the day: A smile can unlock more doors than any key.

"Don't know if Snow Whites house is near or far away, but I know I had the best day with you...today"

2011-07-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those genuinely good days. I woke up pretty early to catch the bus with a friend and head to the sidewalk sale. I had been kind of avoiding my friends since I got back from Canada and I wasn't in the best of moods but I had a great time with them shopping downtown. There were no awkward pauses and it just felt like a regular group of people having a good time. It was nice. I also controlled my shopaholic habits and didn't buy anything. Except for I splurged for a cupcake from Cupcake Construction which I SWEAR was my idea. I always said when I retired I was going to open a Tea and cupcake place with really bright colors everywhere. The whole idea is like a coldstone for cupcakes. You can design it anyway you want, but the idea was stolen from me. Oh well, it wasn't meant to be.

I had a great time hanging out with my new friend. I was feeling kind of lonely you know and I think god answered my prayers with them. They're both two really cool people that I can be myself around, no judgement or anything. So we also went down to the sidewalk sale then had dinner at my house and watched never say never. Well Me and one of my friends did. Her brother is not interested in Justin Bieber as most boys aren't. Justin Bieber's music just makes me feel good because it's so light and fluffy and that made my day.

Then African Queen randomly trended on twitter. Love that song. I heard it at a wedding in 2009 and the message was really pretty. It's nice hearing a song about a girl like me. Sometimes I feel like I live in a world where my complete opposites are idolized and i'm just there. But I'm working on self esteem issues and finding comfort in the fact that what was meant to be will be. How I look or the weird things I say won't get in the way.

I'm also figuring out that what people think of you isn't as important as it may seem. Be polite and be kind but don't ever change yourself because you don't feel cool enough in front of certain people like your crush or the "popular" kids. If they don't like the real you then it's not even worth it. You are who you are and the people that were meant to be in your life will appreciate that person. I honestly believe that. I hope you all do too.

Song of the day: The Best Day by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of someone else" - Sean Kingston

Paige Conway, The Luck. The Drama. The Whole Story.

2011-07-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

So by now every belieber on twitter has heard of Paige Conway. Us beliebers are a pretty close group and word travels fast. My first thought looking at the trends was: who is Paige Conway? I tried to find her on twitter and sure enough someone popped up. Sure enough it was the girl from Ellen. If you think back to a few months ago there was a girl on the show labeled "Justin's biggest fan" and she got to meet Justin. He surprised her at her house and then she got to come on the show where she sat on his lap while he wiped her tears and flirted with her. Turns out, this wasn't her first time. Apparently she had met Justin at the finale of the My World Tour in Atlanta and it didn't go well. They didn't click but she stayed "true" to him.

We all follow Justin so we know that he crashed a wedding last night with Selena. Guess who was at the wedding? Paige Conway meeting Justin Bieber for the third time! Unbeliebable! Here's the story according to someone at the wedding courtesy of brandonyano.tumblr.com :

"I went to a wedding last night in Malibu that got crashed by Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. He came, grabbed the mic and said a few words, took pics with the bride and groom, then grabbed Selena’s hand and literally ran off. They said that they were walking by and heard his song and decided to check it out. Coincidentally, the bride’s cousin Paige (who was at the wedding) had won a contest earlier this year as Bieber’s biggest fan on The Ellen Show and got surprised in her bedroom by the Biebs and also got to appear on the show with him."

He also posted a picture of Justin at the wedding:

There is a high chance that the man was right and it was just a big coincidence, god was continuing to smile down on Paige Conway. But part of this stories missing. It was just the other day that Paige's mom ran into Justin. She even tweeted about it. Now for those of us who have mothers, don't we know they'd do ANYTHING for us. Especially if they knew how much we like Justin. Maybe she'd just let it slip that there was a wedding he should come too. Another thing that makes me suspicious is that the DJ and the wedding spent all night talking about non other then...Justin Bieber. This is an adult's wedding. Justin has many fans but it's not common that their middle aged people. hmmm. Here's proof of both events from Paige's twitter @paigeconway2

Now if this were any of the beliebers that I know, i'd be ecstatic that they got to meet him. I love the fact that Justin is so close to his fans. I love the fact that people get these great opportunities everyday. I think beliebers should be happy for beliebers when these things happen. Not jealous, or angry. I think the reason she got so much hate today is because of the negative tweets about Justin she sent out. Tweets that don't exactly match what "Justin's Biggest Fan" should be like, in my opinion. Here they are...

She said some negative things but nothing truly terrible. These are the comments that made so many people so upset with her. I know another group of people was upset that she gets these oppurtunities because she's a fairly wealth girl. Justin isn't the only celebrity she's met. She's met Greyson Chance, Jasmine Villegas, Cody Simpson, Nicki Jonas, and the entire glee cast.

Now there are all sorts of rumors running around about the two of them. Some people are saying they had a fling. I personally don't believe that rumor, because I don't think Justin could date someone as obsessed as the girl appeared to be on the ellen show. Think about it? Could you be around someone that worships the ground you walk on? Justin has said he likes people that keep him humble. It would be weird kissing someone when a million posters of you are staring back at you. I have Justin posters, nothing wrong with it but I think it would be weird. So if you ask me, they didn't date.

Over all Paige is just a very very lucky girl. I can only hope other beliebers are as blessed as she's been.

2011-07-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

Dreams. They're something special aren't they? I'm not talking about the random one where you're dating Justin Bieber or when some evil monster comes and attacks you. I'm talking about the ones that happen when your awake. When you let your heart believe for just a second and day dream. I've been doing it a lot more lately because I really feel like I was born to be somebody. Somebody worth something, somebody special. Weather that means being one of the last girls in my generation with values, or being somebody's faithful wife. Maybe being an author since i already wrote one book and am working on it's sequal. Maybe being a singer, even though I didn't make chamber :/ (still upset). Or maybe...I can be an actress. I spent the whole day saying, "I'm Mariam Ali, and YOU'RE watching Disney Channel. I know I'm weird, but i'd like to make it. I'd like to become someone big someday. I've always wanted too, but I was even more inspired after watching Nicki Minaj and Selena Gomez's E! Story. They were regular people, just like me. But they had a dream and they fought for it and they got it.

What I learned today though, after some research was being on disney channel isn't easy. I would need an agent who costs lots of money, and I would probably need to be a lot skinnier and a little prettier. And the chances are as they've always been One in a million. Am I crazy for wanting to be that one? For wanting to shine and prove everyone wrong? I think this started when my uncle called me a little while again. I hadn't talked to him in a long time and whenever we chat we always get crazy ideas into each others heads about making millions and showing people just how talented we are. We've always been more like friends then an Uncle and a niece. It's nice, I feel like I can tell him stuff about boys or wild dreams without being judged. I told my parents about my latest ambitions, and got a long lecture about success through education being a guarantee and acting not being an excuse not to study.

I want to study. I want to go to college and study pharmacy. I Think I can be perfectly content as a pharmacist. Actually more then content, comfortable. But will it bring great joy to my life? Of course not, what's so great about counting pills. The vacations I can take with that pharmacy money...now that's great but the job itself. No. I guess the reason i'm not truly following my heart is i've seen a good amount of people follow their dreams and fail. So i'm going to study hard and get my degree and get those scholarships, THEN pursue my dreams. And if it was meant to be it will be. That's for sure. Well we just took a little vacation into my soul. Hope you enjoyed it.

A few other dreams of mine are:
To have my own talk show host, Like Oprah and Tyra combine

To be editor in chief of people magazine (I love to write, I love celebs, I love that magazine so why not?)

Write a best selling novel similar to The Notebook. A true romance that makes you laugh and cry and feel in ways you never thought words could make you feel

To make an album entirely of songs by me. And to make them life changing. To be the kind of artist Taylor Swift is to me. An inspiration, and a friend when no ones there. The album should give advice and have a song for every emotion possible

Have my own reality show, and have a life increadible enough for people to actually want to follow me around.

Yuuup that's it

Song of the Day: If This Was a Movie by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: "Everything comes in time to those who can wait." - Francois Rabelais

(what are the chances this is the first quote I see on my quote website when I just blogged about the same concept. crazyyy. It's my luck)

"You can break everything I am/Like i'm made of glass..made of paper/Go on and try to tear me down/I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper"

2011-07-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

Hi world,
Today's a down day. You know, I always come back to this blog when I have a down day. Always. I'm just not good at talking to people. I'm not good at letting other people know that I'm not perfect, and i'm not happy all the time. I'm not good at letting other people in. Lately it seems like everyone around me is happy, AND head over heels in love. Literally everyone. And they tell me all these great stories and i'm happy for them, truly happy for them. These are the people I care the most about and I know that they deserve it. But then I start to wonder, why don't I deserve it? Why don't I deserve a fairytale, a prince, the gift of being secure, and the gift of being able to open up. Why? I try not to be selfish, and I try to be appreciative of what I do have but it's not always that easy.

And sometimes I just want someone to notice. Someone to care. Everyone is so busy in their own worlds that I feel just plain alone. On the upper hand my little cousins came over yesterday and I played games with them for awhile, and they made me feel loved. My family does too, it's just I wish I had more friends who shared the same interest. Who were willing to just be there, no matter what. You know what they say, that which does not kill you can only make you stronger. So maybe this is my time to gain strength. To prove that no matter how hard people knock me down, i'll rise up. Like a SkyScraper.

That last line wasn't my genius it was Demi Lovato's. And she's been a big help to me lately. I've been watching her interviews and hearing her tell her story of depression, and insecurity. She talk's about her eat disorders and loosing friends she thought she was close too. And the world sent her a gift...the song SkyScraper. It's up lifting. And inspiring. And it'll make you cry if you've ever felt what she's singing about. Like the world is falling on top of your shoulders. Like there's nothing you can do to better yourself. Like your loosing yourself among the pressures to be perfect. So thats what I have on repeat. SkyScraper. And with hope, i'll be rising from the ground like a sky scraper and truly achieve not only greatness, but true happiness.

song of the day: Skyscraper by Demi Lovato

quote of the day: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

"I finally found the good in goodbye, I used to want you so bad"

2011-07-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, I hope you're all good in every way. I don't know if this happens to everyone, or just me but there are moments where I hear something and it sticks. And just makes everything more clear. Yesterday mine came from church. I know everyone has different beliefs and I think thats maybe how it should be because different things connect with different people. I think at the end of the day there's just one god and different ways of worshiping him. But, if you don't believe thats cool too :) All are welcome at this blog. Anyways the words were about what gets you through tough times. And he said you get through not by focusing on what is wrong and what you want to happen, but focusing on God. The rest will happen as it's meant to be as long as your heart is in the right place. Now these exact same words were told to me by my best friend the other day. She was telling me to stop focusing on this guy, to move past but not over. I guess I didn't really understand what she meant but it was finally clear.

I may think I know what's good for me and what I deserve but I don't always know. And the truth is I have no control of what the future holds. So there's no point of sitting and stressing about it. Or worrying. Or even...hoping. For most people hope is a good thing, but for me hope means letting myself get carried away and...it's not a good thing. So i've officially set myself free of the crush, even though it was totally more then that..the word crush doesn't do it justice. That doesn't mean I don't facebook stalk every once awhile, and I don't sit down and sometimes think of him. It's at the most random times too. Like I just recently realized that my dad totally thinks he's a good guy, he actually remembered his name! He never remembers my friends names. And they talked...and it wasn't weird and I wasn't embarrassed. But anyways, i've given up on that idea and i'm waiting for the world to send me someone or something amazing my way. No more trying or crying. If it was meant to be it will be. In the words of the great Beyonce I finally found the good in goodbye..for now. Lets hope it actually lasts this time.

Song of the day: Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce (Yes, i'm still in love with it. The wedding dress in the video blew me away. I loved it. Plus it's fitting for my current situation)

quote of the day: Sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is right in front of your eyes.Waiting to be found

I'm on the edge of glory and i'm hanging on a moment of truth, I'm on the edge with you

2011-07-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ok so yesturday I watched the Dianne Sawyer interview with Jaycee Duggard. Wow. Wow. Wow. Anyone who saw it would probably say the same thing. Jaycee Duggard is a girl that was kidnapped by this psycho and his wife for 18 years. Can you believe it? Thats a lifetime. She was forced to live in the shed in his backyard. The man was already under trouble with the police for rapping another young girl, parol officers would come in and out of the time and none of them noticed or asked about why Jaycee was there. During her time in the shed she had two children with her rapist and gave birth by herself with just the man and his wife helping. There was a complication with the her first child and her capturer had to stick his hand in and untangle the umbilical chord :o . You'd think after all this happened you'd be pretty messed up and depressed right? Nope, she's happy as can be. She said being sad would mean the man won. Anyways, next time you think that you're having a rough time or can't find a reason to smile think of Jaycee. She went through a terrible situation and still found the light in the darkness.

I think thats the secret to happiness. The secret to everything being alright. Finding light in the darkness and holding on to it. Lately i've just felt bleh. Bleh means i've been a little down and I haven't been finding the spark in life. I guess I feel a little abandoned by those I love the most. When you're alone your forced to think about things, even things you don't want to think about. I've avoided thinking about things for a long time which made me avoid talking about things and just being quiet and silent like when I was really little. I think some of my friends thought it had something to do with them, but it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. Oh well. Life goes on. The light that i've found in my own personal darkness is education. Because education = pharmacy job which = Christian Loubitons, shopping, and traveling.

Education is something that I know will result in good things. There's nothing negative that can come out of it. There's no way my education won't want me or will choose someone else over me. There's no way my hard work will turn to nothing. Too bad education isn't as fun as other things...but I have to hope the fun will come later.

Random Fun Fact of the day: A baby was born at sixteen pounds in dallas texas! Thats the size of a six month old baby and he came out like that. The poor mother. But what do you expect...everything's bigger in Texax haha

song of the day: The Edge of GLory by Lady Gaga

Quote of the day:"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

"Father father father help us send some guidence from above, cause these people got me questioning...where is the love?"

2011-07-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

Hello Hello,
Today I was outraged, and dissapointed on so many different levels. Four words: The Casey Anthony trial. I've been following this trial from afar, not since 2008 when it started, but recently when the case started being telivised. I listened to the CNN information and all kinds of things and I personally came to the conclusion that Casey anthony murdered her poor 2 and a 1/2 year old child. This is why:

1. She didn't report her daughter missing for 31 days. 31. What kind of mother doesn't notice her child is gone for 31 days. If not suspicious or murder then definatley child neglect. It was her mother that reported the child missing after not seeing her for a month.

2. 2 days after her daughter went missing saying "Bella Vita" which means beautiful life. For the 31 days that she was gone Casey Anthony partied it up like a lion let loose from her cage. All the while, her daughter was dead. Did she care? No!

3. Her own father, said her daughter was guilty of murder. She made up some crap about how he abused her as a child. You waited 25 years to bring this up? Now?

4. Casey claims that her daughter "fell in the pool"? Well tell me Casey, how did she end up in the woods with duck tape over her mouth? Does that just happen.

Those are just a few of the reasons why I think its obvious she did it. And it makes me sad that that little girl didn't get any justice. It made me sad that poor Caylee Anthony can't even defend herself now and got her life ripped away from her. She'll never drive, or get married, or go to prom. All because her mother was a cold blooded monster. What scares me is that this women is out there, free to roam, and kill other people. If someone can kill her own child then she has no problem doing it to someone else. God forbid shes reading this right now because then i'm a gonner.

I'm dissapointe in our justice system because Michael Vick was sent to prison for killing a dog (don't get e wrong, thats a bad thing), but she was free for killing a huamn being. It doesn't seem right to me. If Casey did do it, then her justice is waiting for her in hell. Karma will get her. Not to meantion she has to live with the guilt and I coulden't even imagine how terrible that would be. Knowing you ruined your childs life. It's so sad.

song of the day: Where is the Love by the black eyed peas

quote of the day: Where there's a will, there's a way

"Someday i'll be living in a big old city..." - My dreams of the future

2011-07-04T22:11:00.001-07:00

So my life has been filled with lots of talk about the future and I too have been daydreaming i'm just always embarassed to talk about it. So don't try to get me to. I won't. But seeing as this blog is like my diary i'll let you in.

20 years from now...if gods willing, and everything goes as I want...

I would have graduated from high school, and have a degree in pharmacy

I would have traveled and stepped foot on every continet except for Antartica,because I can't think of a single thing i'd want to do in Antartica. Specificallly I hope to have been to: Greece, Italy, Dubai, Seachelles island, South Africa, Jamaica, Bahamas, Hawii, Tokeyo, and any where else the world takes me.

I'll be married to an amazing guy who likes dancing around to music in the living room, likes to travel and see things, listens when I talk (not just nodds but really listens), and most importantly loves me with all his heart. Not to meantion he's going to be cute..

I want to have five children (four girls and a boy), seeing as I wrote an entire book based off my day dreams and hopes for the future I have names: Angelina, Natalie, Delilah or just plain Laila, Isabelle, and Justin (yes i'm naming my child after Justin Bieber he inspires me. But I swear I liked the name Justin before him.)I want them to know they're loved and I want to be close to them.

I want to live in a beautiful house that I designed with a pool in the backyard, a hot tub, a little spa area, big spacious rooms, and lots of colors everywhere. And orchids, there should be orchids. I want a killer sound system that spreads through the whole house. Music should be playing at all times all over the house. It'll set the mood and the feel. Music is life. This home will be in some quiet neighboorhood, maybe in calabasis, california or somewhere else. I also want a simple house in the hamptons to spend my summer in (who said I can't dream big).

I want to be famous, I will probably have my own television show similar to oprah where I talk about life and interview celebrities. Give my opinion on things.

I will also have my own reality show, like keeping up with the kardashians. One can only hope to have a life is as fun as theirs.

I hope to have my fingers in the music buisness. Maybe song writting, or teaching piano on the side. Or having an album of my own. I've always dreamed of an album of all duets. With songs kind of like Superhuman or Just a kiss by CB and Lady Antebellum.

I'd like to help the world somehow. Maybe by donating money or volunteering at one of those hotlines to give people advice or just talk to lonely people. I want to do something, find some way to give back.

I want to be close to my family, and a few of my besties. I hope we still have many good times together and everyone that I love is just as sucsessful as I am.

I want to be really fashionable, no mom jeans and old lady clothes for me. I hope to have a killer fashion sense and wear french heels everywhere, everyday just because I can. I admire french people's lifestyle. Tennis shoes are for those who can't work it. I want to strut like I mean it, bring on the Christian Loubitons.

I hope to go to concerts often, there's just some kind of magic in concerts. I can't explain it. It's crazy. I hope it still feels just as magical 25 years from now.

And most importantly I hope to be healthy, and happy and alive. Yup these are my dreams. I just let you in. Be glad.

"I got my hands up they're playing my song, I know i'm gonna be ok/Yeaaaah it's a party in U.S.A."

2011-07-04T21:28:00.000-07:00

Happy Fourth Of July my loves!
Today we celebrate our independence from the british people. I never thought about it before this year but imagine how brave these people had to have been. To sign the form and announce that they're willing to give up what they know (kind of like leaving your parents house for the first time) and just go off on their own not sure of whats to come. That my friends, is FEARLESS. So I salute all those original americans that made the life i'm living here in this beautiful countey today. America still remains one of the only countries where someone can be born poor with nothing, and achieve greatness. Kind of like Obama's story. The American dream lives and will continue to live as long as American's have the same heart. So the rant is over, God bless America. I'll tell you guys how I speant my fourth of July.

I woke up to plumming work being done at my house, and spent some quality time with my Harry Potter book. I'm trying to read it as fast possible to finish before the last movie comes out. I hung out with my family a little then we went to the party we were invited too. It was at a Kenyans family's home and they invited all people from kenya with the exception of my family, we're from Tanzania which is also in East Africa if you didn't know. Kenyan peple and Tanzanian people seem the same but they're very different. I enjoy spending time with both groups. We had dinner together, we prayed together, then we went out and played soccer..which is highly unusual for me. I'm really bad at sports which can be really embarassing in certain situations. I feel guilty for letting the whole team down but everyone was playing. People from ages 21 to 6. It was fun. I felt very together. They are good people. Us
African people have got each others backs.

At the party there was a very unique couple. There was a midget man, with a hunchback..married to a tall woman. I know these things happen all the time but I thought it was the cutest thing. It reminded me that love has no words or boundries and it isn't alway predictable. It just reinforced the whole soulmate theory for me. Everyone has that one person they were meant to be with. And there are lots of trials and issues that might occur and get in the way but at the end of the day the person who you really belong with, the right person..they won't care. A lot of the time I sit and fantasize about that person in my life. I hope I get to expireance a great romance like that of the notebook or titanic in my life. I'm not in a rush though, when it's the right time with the right person everything will all in place. No effort needed. It's called the "sit and wait method". It was preached to me and my best friend a couple years ago and we never forgot it.

song of the day: Firework by Katy Perry (It seems appropriate seeing as it's the fourth of July)

quote of the day: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness - Decleration of Independence

"Boy you got my heartbeat running away/Beating like a drum and it's coming your way/Can't you hear that boom badoom boom boom"

2011-07-04T14:31:00.001-07:00

Feelings. The definition of a feeling is "An emotional state or reaction." All it took was five words to try and describe the very thing that makes us human. Thats the difference between us and spiders and aliens right? We feel things. We feel happy, we feel sad, we feel attracted, we feel turned on, we feel repulsed and the list goes on and on. I know I have a lot of feelings, some that I show and some that I don't. Some that i'm proud of, and some that i'm not. And sometimes it's just hard to show what it is i'm feeling to anyone. Not my family, not my friends. I don't know what it is inside of that is so scared of letting people in my head. I don't know if it's the fact that they might not like the person that they see or that it won't live up to who I used to be. Or that maybe it's wrong for me to want certain things. Its weird. I wonder if i'm alone in this feeling. It started this year and thats why I stopped blogging and kind of stopped talking. I wasn't up for letting people in anymore. I think thats what happens when you open yourself up the most you ever have and the other person doesn't let you in.

Do you ever wonder about other peoples feelings? I hate having to wonder weather someone just felt insulted when I said something or their mad at me. I have a big mouth but only with the people I'm the closest too. If I'm telling you something painfully truthful, know that I love you. The other people aren't worth the potential fight. Every once in awhile I feel a super bass. If you haven't heard the song you don't know what i'm talking about. I'm obsessed with it. It's called super bass by Nicki Minaj and it's about that boy that makes your heart beat so fast and so loud you swear the whole entire world can hear it. Except for him..And if he can't hear it he's ignoring it.

The super bass is a feeling that makes me shy. Like a little girl. and it makes me do stupid things because I don't think about consequences. I just think about finding any way to make the other person feel the same way. But thats just another problem with being human. You can't make the other person feel the way you want them too. It doesn't work that way. And sometimes you can spend years trying to figure it out, it being what the other person is feeling, only to find out it's not the same thing your feeling.

But I can't get the idea out of my head that if I could just hold myself together for 5 minutes, wear the cutest dress on the face of the earth, get past the awkward small talk and just let it out...he'd feel it too.

But I didn't do that. And I probably won't. And it's just too little, too late.

Song of the day: Super Bass by Nicki Minaj

quote of the day: Sometimes the thing you want the most, is the thing you're best without

Vacation Stories Continued...

2011-07-03T11:51:00.000-07:00

Stratford didn't bring the end of vacation. We spent the next day meeting up with my parent's old friends. It was fun. They had kids my age but we didn't really talk that much. I think I hold myself in high standards sometimes, not that i'm vain but I feel like if i'm a guest at your house you should come talk to me not the other way around. Does that make sense? Maybe it's because they were boys and african people still have an old fashioned mindset about different genders together. I don't know anyways we did that and then went off to niagra falls which was just breathtakingly beautiful. It's one of those things you see on T.V. but actually being there and feeling the mist all around you, and seeng an endless amount of water coming at such a high powered speed was really cool. I enjoyed it and tried to take as many awesome pictures as I could. I think i'll try and post some later.

After Niagra falls we just hung out around hte house and then went to Danders square again because thats what canadian people do every night from what I could tell. Toronto wass a very diverse city. There were all kinds of people there from all over the world, but very few actual canadians which I found weird. I didn't really hear any difference in the way they speak over there and we speak here except for the occasional eh? . But those were only in stratford, people in toronto didn't even say eh? that much. I loved their living stype. It was rare to see houses. Seeing as they have so many people in such a small area most people live in these gigantic apartment buildings. They are as big as skyscrappers and you can fit an unbelievable number of people in them.

Following Canada we stoped by Chicago for a day and a half. We wanted to fit in as many things as possible. We started in Willis Tower and went up to the sky deck which used to be the tallest building in the world before dubai build one like double the size. It was really cool up there and they have this awesome glass case type thing that sticks out of the building and you get to step on glass right about downtown chicago. It's not for those scared of heights. After sky deck we went to millenium park and walked around that area. Then we went to Taste of Chicago which was like this long street where all the restaurants in chicago sold food for a week. And you buy tickets to purchase things and get lots of free stuff. Then last but not least we walked ot the navy pier and saw all the fancy people and their yachts. We went on the ferris wheel and I rode a taxi for the very first time. It was cool.

The next day we said goodbye to Chicago by going into the Aquarium which has every kind of fish from every place you could ever imagine. I saw real live penguins and found out that the beluga as in the thing from the show baby beluga is a real animal!! I really enjoyed it there, it's a nice place. We got to watch a shortened version of Happy Feet in 4D which is where you can "feel" the movie too. Like for all the snow scenes we were surrounded my bubbles and if mumba got poked then we got poked in the back too. and for happy feet this thing under our chairs swished all around. It was cool. We also saw the regular animal show where they did tricks and stuff. I salute anyone who's brave enough to work with those animals. It looks scary. We ended in the Indian part of chicago where I got a henna tattoo and ate at this good restaurant. I loved both chicaco and canada. It's definatley not something i'm going to forget any time soon.

" A way to come together and a way to make things better. We need a holiday..."

2011-07-03T11:32:00.001-07:00

So this summer I went on vacation to Canada: Toronto & Stratford, along with Chicago. I had the time of my life. It always feels good to just get away for a little while and have a good time. We drove 20 hours and believe me..it was a long time but the excitment got me by. I've had a little obsession with Canada for awhile, it just seemed so cool. The first day we arrived there we went to meet up with our family friends and then hit the Eaton Center which is this huge outdoor shopping area. They have over 200 stores and people go to the center of that place, Danders Square (similar to time square) where people sing and dance and perform there. There was even a michael jackson memorial on the day of his death anniversary. That was the spot.

The second day we went to Stratford which happens to be Justin Bieber's home town. Yes. I'm one of them. I'm a belieber. We arrived in Stratford and I was a little shocked, it was a really small town. Mostly residential homes and they had one "main street" with little shops and restaurants. It was the cutest thing i've ever seen. All the old buildings and such. I had lunch at pizza pizza where Justin bieber ate in never say never and they talked to me about justin a bit. Then I went down to the stratford upon avon lake and as we were walking back to the car my uncle met a coworker of his. She happened to be from stratford and know Justin bieber's mom from school and a dance class they took together. She offered to take me to his house and some other spots. So she took me to all the diferent places from NSN and we ended at justin's house. I had a letter to leave justin..just because I wanted too. So I got out of the car and walked to the mail box. Then this dog stars barking, not just any dog, but sammy bieber. I freak out and go back to the car. My mom tells me to go back and not to be scared. Then a man comes to the window, my parents think it's justin's grandpa and start waving at him. The lady goes in the back of the car and hides because she thinks they'll call the police.

Justin's Uncle Chris (who's his mom patties brother) makes a wait sign and comes outside. I patientlly wait and out comes this man that not wearing a shirt, that looks kind of short and a dog whom runs out and he catches. And suprisingly he starts to chat with me and my family about his family, and justin, and us, and why we were there, and what big of a fan I was. I tell him about my letter then he goes "I normally don't give anyone special treatment but...wait. Turn off the cameras. All of them. " So my parents and I turn off our camera's and the camcorder and he goes, "Come with me". Me, my uncle, monika, and my brother start walking to the door and he turns around and says, "wait, not all of you. Just her." and he points at me and smiles". My heart starts beating so fast and I understand whats happening. He opens the door and I walk in. To my left are all these pictures in beautiuful black frames of justin and pattie and all the other members of their family like a collage. There are stairs going up and stairs going down. Chris starts walking up and in the living room I see couches and a tv like any other living room. Theres a white avril lavigne pillow on the couch that looks autographed. The walls are filled with all of Justin's platnium album thingy's. The main one about the couch has all 3 of the albums and a big gold record.

Chris motions for me to come up more stairs and theres a platinum album for the acoustic on the wall. Then he opens a door and i'm in Justin Bieber's room. It was just like in the movie. The bed was made but just a little messy like someone had sat on it or laid on it. The room was really small. There was maple leaf stuff all over the wall that matched his bed cover. On the left side he had all these medals from soccor and hockey and two pictures of him when he was little, one of them was him on the soccer field. On the right was his dresser with a bottle of someday on and some lotion and stuff. Not much. Then his uncle chris says have you heard of someday? And I go "yeah I have it!" and he goes "well this is Justin bieber's special bottle" and he sprays it on both sides of my neck. I freak out some more then he motions like time to go and gives me a speech about how I shoulden't tell justin's grandparents he could get in trouble blah blah blah. Then I agree and beg for just one picture in justin's room. He says no and that this is for justin's privacy. And he also says, "I don't want these all over facebook and youtube and all that. This way no one will ever believe you" . He laughs and i'm crying inside of joy and saddness. He gives me a hug and off I go.

Long story short, I had a great time in stratford

song of the day: Holiday by Madonna

Quote of the day: The "best" investment you can make isn't gold. It's the people you love, the dreams you have, and living a life that matters.

"I've been California dreaming for your heart for me..."

2011-07-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

Well well well, you know me right? You know my weakness? It's the weakness that kind of started this blog. It was a place where I can talk about how I felt and everything. A month ago I told you I was over my weakness. I should've known it wouldn't last. But I can't help it! He's like my kryptonite! All he has to do is smile and say my name and there I am again wanting him and searching for him like a lost puppy. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't know what exactly it is but something about him..it just makes my heart beat fast. And the funny thing is he can't hear that super bass. I mean I'm not really all that flirty around him because we're never in a situation where that seems okay. And sometimes I wonder if he even believes that I like him.

The bottom line is he doesn't like me. I need to get over it. God help me. And if not God one of you. Is the fact I can't get over him a sign that I shouldn't be? I met a ton of cute canadian guys, like Trey songz types and none of them gave me the same kind of butterflies he does. I have a serious problem. And it's only getting worse. ugh.

song of the day: California King Bed by Rihanna

quote of the day: "Shrek is the best fairytale. He teaches you that no one needs to be perfect to have a happily ever after." - Damn Teen Quote on twitter

"And it's you and me and all other people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you" : A tour of my iPod

2011-07-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

Hey young world! I just got back from my vacation. Drove 19 hours to Canada (more stories later) but it didn't feel long at all because I had music. Music is my life. It has been since about the 2nd grade when saw Alicia Keys singing Fallin at the Macy's day parade. She was on the piano and something about the keys and her voice joining together just made me want to do that. That performance stuck with me forever. I like everyone else like listening to music. Not just for the lyrics but for the beat and the instruments and the construction of the song and the feeling the song gives you. Anyways music is a big part of my life and I wanted to let you guys into my iPod...here are the songs I got yesterday.

1. Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce : this song is amazing, the piano part is pure genius and the song describes how I want to feel about the prince thing. It's not how I feel but I just want to be over it..I just can't. But I do know, I'm the best thing he never had :)

2. California King Bed by Rihanna: This song is something special, not the typical Rihanna dance jam. It's slow with a beautiful guitar part and ah-mazing lyrics. I want her voice.

3. Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga : This is hands down my favorite song off of the Born This Way album. It just a fun, upbeat song with a killer saxophone part in the middle. How can you not start dancing when this plays.

4. I got you by Leona Lewis: I've been a Leona fan for a long time. She doesn't disappoint, it's just as soulful as all the others.

5. Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) by Katy Perry: Such a fun song, the music videos pretty awesome too if you haven't seen it.

6. Man Down by Rihanna: This song has a reggae vibe that I really like. I have island blood and something you'll find on all islands is a love for music with this kind of feel. It's really down to earth. Rum pa pa pum

7. Motivation by Kelly Towland ft. Lil Wayne : The Bet performance of this song with Trey Songz was crazy. I wanted to trade lives with kelly in that moment so bad. It's a typical sex song but still good and creative.

8. Roll Up by Wiz Khalifa : I avoided listening to this song for a long time because I thought it was about drugs..don't ask. I actually ended up hearing it at church camp and I love the beat. It reminds me of the stuff from when was little and it has a good summer feel to it.

9. Stereo Heart by Gym Class Hero's ft. Adam Levine : Definatley something different, not your typical modern song. The words are cool and I just like the feel if this song too

10. Love you like a love Song by Selena Gomez: I'm a belieber and I support my belieber family and Selena's obviously an important part of that for Justin. This is a dance song, it reminds me of stuff that Britney Spears does, she really has improved though.

11. Turning Tabled by Adele : can Adele even write a bad song? This is magic and deep and soulful. I dare you to listen to it and not think of someone or feel something. It's good. Her while album is.

12. You and Me by Lifehouse: this song is very very old. I wanted to know the name for so long and I finally found it. The words are beautiful.

Anyways these are the songs that are new to my iPod , Enjoy!

This is how it starts/Lighting strikes the heart/It goes off like a gun/Brighter Than the sun

2011-06-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary and random people who read this,
I just got back from Camp Wood yesterday afternoon. The actual camp wood is a YMCA camp, but the episcopal church rents in every year for its youth. There were 215 people there from the ages of 9-18. We called it Mega Camp because for the first year the campers weren't divided by grade level. Normally it's a week for each grade. My brother came with me. I enjoyed having the younger episcopalians there, they bring a lot more spirit into the camp. The spirit at camp is something out of this world. I don't have the words to explain it, you just have to be there to feel it. The feeling is love. Not romantic love but friendship love of truly caring for every member of the camp. We're all there for each other and open around each other because we know that no matter what we're loved. Because thats what we all believe, that everyone deserves to be loved even when their not the most obviously loveable person. All the campers were extremely polite and extremely fun to be around. I made quite a few friends.

The fun camp activities I participated in were...horseback riding (which I didn't like that much. The first time I didn't get to leave the barn and the second time I got stuck on this demented horse names wen who made gabby look like a saint. She kept trying to throw me off and eat the grass instead of walk on the trail we were supposed to go up). I went fishing, but didn't catch anything :'(. I did archery which was actually pretty fun and lots of arts and crafts. I finally learned how to make a certain type of friendship bracelet, and I made a really cool star shaped candle. The rest of the time we would sing songs, and go to church every night. One night when we were on the hill outside and sunset for service, with every single person there you could definitely feel gods presence. It was a magical night. Same with the healing service which was a very emotional night.

The most fun I had at camp though was hands down at the dance. Last few times the dance was just ok but this time I let looose and let myself have a crazy good time. And I did have a good time. It was awesome. I enjoyed it. They played a lot of songs I like, church camp isen't all praying... They played semi- modern songs, Till The World Ends by Britney Spears, Bottoms up by Trey Songz (everyone rapped around to Nicki's part it was awesome), and that kind of thing. The counslers from the Y staff were REALLY good dancers. This one cute itern I had talked too, and this british intern danced with me and my friend. It was so much fun. I'm almost sad that its over, I say almost because I really really love my shower and my bed and my mom and I woulden't want to miss those for anything. So I'm glad to be home.

Now the last and final thing is crazy and proof that there is something greater out there. I read a really good, interview with Justin Bieber from Rolling Stones a few months back. As you all know I have bieber fever and anything with bieber on it I have to read. In the interview Justin's talking about how religious he is (he is very religious you can see that in his movie and by his tattoos. It says Jesus in hebrew, the newest one). Anyways he said the words God is Love. Those words stuck with me for months. Every day I would think God is Love. And I thought Justin bieber put it perfectly thats what god is, love. Then when I got to camp we particularly studied a certain passage in the bible and guess what it said...God is Love. It's like I was supposed to read that particular magazine, and that particular line, and go to camp just so I can put it together and never forget that god is love. Cool huh?

song of the day: Brighter then the sun by Colbie Calliat

quote of the day:Staying yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you someone you're not, is great accomplishment.

Just because I stopped saying I miss you doesn't mean I don't. I stopped saying it because it doesn't mean anything to you. But I did, I still do and I always will.

"Nevermind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you too..."

2011-06-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

So there's something I haven't told anyone. And I mean anyone. Now when I don't tell anyone something it's for a reason. Bad things happen when I say my thoughts out loud. I wish I could tell you I was kidding but I'm not. The minute I say it out loud it becomes real. It has meaning. Someone will remember it forever. It's like I'm free to accept thats my thought and its out there for the world. But if I don't say it out loud I can just get over it and it can go away. Speaking of getting over, I think I may have finally gotten over Prince. You know the one this blog used to be pretty much devoted to? Yeah...it finally happened. I gave up on him and figured out he may be a prince, but he's not MY prince. Well he could be but he doesn't want to be and thats ok. I hope he finds someone wonderful out there that he can be the prince to, and marry, and make a million prince babies with...that's such a lie. I hope he falls in love with some perfect princess that doesn't want him back. And she stomps on his heart and breaks it into a million pieces over and over again. And then I want him to come running back to me, tears and all, just so I can stomp on him some more and teach him how it feels to be unwanted. ok, that over reacting too. Long story short, I don't care anymore. i just want revenge.

Ok back to the thing I never told anyone. You all should just pretend you don't know this, and technically this isn't saying it out loud. I don't want this to be real. I don't want to fall for someone again. I don't want to feel like sh*t again. It's not happening. This heart is closed. But anyways, so there's this guy. He's a reoccurring figure in my life at random moments. And I always thought that maybe he liked me, just a little bit. We had the worst luck though because whenever we started talking something extremely awkward would happen. More awkward then my usual awkwardness around attractive young men. Like one time we were talking and he totally had me smiling and laughing and we were both being friendly then the whole room just turned around and stared at us. We kind of stopped and something was said and he just kind of left me there and they stopped staring. It was like the world was saying you two can't happen. My cousin really likes this guy for some reason. She's the one who put the thought in my head. And I had this dream last night and he was in it. And he was saying its too late now. Weird right?

We're facebook friends and everything too. But facebook kind of made me think he may be a player. So many girls are always talking to him and he's always talking about all these girls he's getting and kissing and loving. And their all prettier then me. So thats his turn off. He most likely doesn't know I exist really. We haven't talked in a long time. And there are other reasons I can't speak of as to why I can't like him. I don't like him. My dreams like him. I'm a hundred percent serious about not wanting to like anyone anymore. Like I used to always say I want to be chased. I want someone to like me this time around. And I don't want to waste my whole life believing that fairytales come true because last time that didn't work. And it seems like the more I want something, the more I don't get it so i'm not going to want anymore and maybe good things will come to me. I hope.

Song of the day: Someone Like You by Adele

Quote of the day: " Never ignore a person who loves and cares for you, because one day you may realize that you've lost the moon while counting the stars"

"This time won't you save me, baby I can feel myself giving up...giving up"

2011-06-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

For the longest time now I don't really know how I feel? It just seems like i'm walking through life. is that weird? I've been through a lot of weird stuff this year but a lot of happy stuff. I definitely felt alive at the Bruno Mars concert and a couple moments of my St. Louis trip but its like nothing really makes me feel like i'm living anymore. I think I need to do some more fun things or something. I don't know. It's really weird and I don't want to feel like that. I changed a lot in the last few months. I kind of lost my belief that good things happen to good people. I'm now a believer (feels so weird that i'm not saying belieber) in the idea that some people are just luckier then others. They get more, and you just have to accept it. Life is good if your them, but if your some shy, quiet girl you just have to accept the fact that you're going to be ignored and forgotten. I'm not trying to be pessimistic that's just been a lesson proved by my life.

I'm always too quiet and too shy which automatically makes people think you're boring. They don't actually want to take the time to get to know you so they just label you and it's over. I'm working on my braveness but I guess the truth is i'm a little insecure. So i'm going to fix it. Maybe this summer I can loose weight, and get extensions again and feel a little better about myself. I don't know but it's worth a try.

It would also be cool if I had friends that were on my side. My friend group has pretty much fallen to crap. There's no way to put it nicely. No one really talks anymore. There is a group of three of us that gets along better then all the others but the truth is the only thing we really even have to talk about is how much our other friends suck but after that we're just silent and it's awkward. I never realized how bad some of my friends were until I met people that showed me what friendships are really supposed to be like. I'm beyond thankful for my two best friends. I would like to fix things with my friends but a lot of them just don't care which makes it hard for me to care you know? I would love a fresh new start.

Maybe dreams do come true and Justin Bieber will show up at my door ready to save me.

songs of the day: Save Me by Nicki Minaj (I am in love with this song and I absolutely can't stop listening too it. This is how I feel. not like anyone listens to how I feel but if anyone did it would be this song).

I also heard How to Love by Lil Wayne. SOOOO GOOOD! Young Money has recently impressed me

quote of the day: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

"The girl in the dress cried the whole. way. home. I should've known"

2011-05-29T14:06:00.000-07:00

No one likes failure. In any kid of situation. Most everyone has hope in everything they attempt to do and thats why they do it. No one plans on bad things happening to them, and those who do are missing out on most of life. This last four months i've learned a lot about trying something followed by failing at something and I don't think I took it very well at all. Lets start with the easiest thing. I auditioned to be placed in the top choir at my school. I was secretly practicing with one of my best friends for days. We knew that getting in was what we wanted and we even practiced on a weekend. I went in my audition and got really good responses from the teachers. Last week I found out that I didn't make the choir. That isn't even the worst part.

The worst part is my score was a 115/120. Thats a really amazing score. The same score that some people that made it in got. That means that vocally there was pretty much no difference between me and them accept maybe they were prettier or the teacher liked their personality better then mine. It just upset me more then it should have. I didn't like being told that I wasn't good enough. Part of it was a mess because the women who helps choose who gets in gives really expensive lessons on the side so of course those kids would have a better advantage. It's not like she's going to pick someone she doesn't know like me over the people that put food on the table for her. I guess i'm slowly getting over it now. You can't make it into everything, you can't always win.

Speaking of not winning, I lost something else important to me. The problem with me is I create these perfect fantasies in my head and I forget that real life doesn't work that way. I forget that not all good things happen to people just because they're good and nice. Sometimes being nice isn't enough and it hurts to know that there's nothing you could have changed to get closer to what you wanted most. Part of what's bothering me is not even knowing what it was that I ever did wrong. Another thing that's bothering me is not knowing why I wasn't good enough for some of the different things i've tried out for. The hardest part is the little voice in my head always reminding me that I wasn't good enough. Life can be kind of crappy sometimes but you can't hang on to the bad. Try to find something to smile for everyday. The only thing you can do is try your best and when your best isn't good enough you just have to remember it wasn't meant to be.

Song of the day: Dear John by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: My heart is broken but what's making it worse is the fact that each and every piece is still very in love with you

"When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile, cause you're amazing just the way you are"

2011-05-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

Last night was fantastic. I got to do one of my favorite things. What is this you ask? I got to go to a concert! Not just any concert but the Hooligans in Wondaland Concert starring Bruno Mars and Janelle Monae. The concert was in Independence, Mo which is an hour and a half from where I live. I had never been to the events center they have but it was really nice. We arrived to a really long line with crazy amounts of people. I bought this really cool Bruno Mars shirt and we entered the arena. It was general admission so we decided to stand on the floor. The opener was Mayer Hawthorne and he was actually really good. I think he was a combination of an R&B, pop, and jazz artists. He was really unique and rocked a red suit with a red bow tie. It was pretty awesome.

After Mayer Hawthorne was Janelle Monae. To be completely honest with you i'd seen her perform at the BET awards but that was it. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from her performance but I really enjoyed it. Janelle also couldn't be placed into just one musical category. She's a little bit of everything and was very unique. She had a really big strong, voice and I wouldn't put it past her to become the Aretha Franklin of our generation. She could really hold those notes. I really enjoyed Tight Rope, and she also covered Smile and I Want You back by Michael Jacksons and the Jackson Five. The best part was when she jumped into the crowd and started crowd surfing. I got to help hold her up for part of it. She looked pretty terrified the entire time though. At moments of her performance it felt like a rock n roll show. She had strobe lights and was going crazy break dancing on the ground. The whole thing was hard to explain.

Bruno Mars was AMAZING! He stole the entire show. He had the cutest little smile and the cutest little laugh I have ever seen. I just wanted to aww the whole entire time. He came out wearing jeans with a green and blue and white striped t-shirt and a jeans vest over it. He had this really cool light blue guitar and a grayish-brownish hat. Bruno was really sensual. He did slow motion grinds to the ground that were so sexy...he also sang ushers song with the part "I'll freak you right I will, I'll freak right will". All the girls in the audience almost fainted it was so attractive. He had a really great voice, it was way better live then on the album. He was a mad awesome guitarist. He played all my favorites, Count on Me, Marry You, The Lazy Song, Grenade, and Just the Way you are, We were only like four or five rows away from the stage and could see him really clearly. He dedicated the last line of nothing on you to a girl in the audience then he was all like, "Don't think I'm fooled adrianne. I know about girls like you. In fact I wrote a song about one" and then he started singing grenade. I also figured out that me and him have the same favorite part. In lazy song, its when the guy says "Oh my god this is great" in a funny voice. He brought out the guy that did that on the cd and it sounded awesome and very authentic. All in all I was really impressed with Hooligans in Wondaland. It was a night I will never forget.

St. Louis trip, "I had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you"

2011-05-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog/Diary/Whatever you want to call this,
I've missed you a lot. I stopped writing for awhile because I got scared and confused and I didn't know how to put those feelings into words. I'll fill you in more about this madness in my head later, first let me tell you about the last couple days of my life. School ended on tuesday and I was beyond relieved. I was getting so tired of homework and difficult tests and just needed to relax. The first day of vacation my mother dropped me off at my girl scout leaders house and we went off to St. Louis. St. Louis is a four hour drive from where I live in kansas so with the help of music, car games, and many little conversations we arrived at the cabin we were going to stay at. It was a really nice place, way better then I excepted. It had three bathrooms, heating, and beds so it wasn't like we were in tents roughing it out or anything. The first day we arrived there was a tornado warning so we had to stay caught in the storm shelter. We made dinner as soon as the tornado was over and headed to the Galleria mall which can be described as heaven on earth. I live in a small town so we don't really have any cool stores so I had a lot of fun getting things from my favorite stores: H&M and Love Culture.

On the second day of the trip it was raining, but that didn't stop us from continuing the adventure. We went to the City Museum which was one of the craziest buildings i've ever been into. The only way I can think to describe it is like a mcdonalds playland times 500. It was like an adventure course with all these slides and stairs and different stops. It was super crowded. They had a really cool antique piano I got to plan and there also was an arts and crafts area and I made some awesome paintings/scribbles on a piece of paper. After the museum we headed off to see the Arch. At first no one wanted to go up and I was really disappointed but then a couple of my friends changed their minds and we went up on saw all of St. Louis from above. It was really cool and I enjoyed it a lot. The elevators you had to ride to get to the top looked like spaceships on the inside so I felt pretty awesome while going up. They also had a little museum underneath with talking robots. I was impressed. We lost our leader and one of the girls and almost had to call the police but then we found funnel cake and abandoned the plan. Eventually they found us and we stopped a potential disaster.

The third and last day was really fun as well. We had to wake up bright and early to go to the St. Louis Zoo which is like no other. It was free to enter but it was the prettiest zoo i've ever been too. It had all these fountains, fake water falls, monuments, and really cool bridges. The animals were also interesting. They had lions and tigers and monkeys and ostriches. It was fun to see. One of my friends almost got attacked by this gigantic bird and it was the funniest thing ever. After the zoo we headed to six flags. It was really nice for an amusement parks. They had all the looney tune characters dressed up in those fake suits and stuff. They designed all the stores to look like you were walking into a t.v. show. It was really nice. I started out on two huge roller coasters then realized that I didn't even like riding them. There was nothing fun about seeing your life flash before your eyes. The rest of the day I went around with the smaller group that was only doing the water rides and littler rides. We had dinner there and headed back to the cabin to make s'mores. I created my own fire, picked the sticks and everything. I was proud.

I really enjoyed the part of the trip where we talked and discussed different things. We had some deep conversations and got to know everyone better. I had a five star time and the trip was the perfect way to start out the summer.

"You'll wear white and i'll wear out the words I love you & your beautiful/Now the wait is over & love has finally shown her my way..."

2011-05-02T16:29:00.000-07:00

After the wedding, The royal family went back to Buckingham Palace with 600 of their guests to take the royal portraits and have a fancy brunch together to celebrate the wedding. There are the royal portraits:

They look very splendid, and very royal. Generations to come will see those photo's and look in admiration just as we do with photos from the wedding of Charles and Diana. A little fun fact about the bridal party, in england the bridesmaids are always little girls like that. The boys were also wearing military outfits similar to that of Prince William. I love how fancy their names are, here it goes

The tall brunette flower girl is Margarita Armstrong-Jones (8), the blond flower girl is Williams cousin Lady Louise Windsor, the blond boy is Williams God Son, his name is Tom Pettifer, the brunette boy was Master William Lowther Pinkerton, The little blond girl is Grace van Cutson (she was the one frowning in the photo to be shown below. She's also Williams god daughter). The small brunette girl is Eliza Lopez the grandchild of Camilla Parker Bowles (step mother to prince wiliam). Don't they have the cutest names. My favorite is lady louise windsor. With those names their going to be great one day.

Upholding the tradition made at William's parents weddings the world waited as the royals finished their brunch and came out into the balcony for their first kiss as an official married couple. The first kiss was quick and very shy, even though William had told his brother to make it long and one to remember. The second kiss was longer and sweeter, my favorite part of the moment was Grave Van Cutson covering her ears and looking angry in the corner.

After the brunch with the 600 party guests Prince Harry threw the bride and groom a more fun party with their closest friends. The parents and grandparents left and they danced around and drank like there was no tomorrow. Prince Harry Catered for the wedding and provided his favorite bacon sandwiches. The two love birds bowed out after midnight for a romantic night, while Prince Harry checked into a hotel with Chelsea only after hitting up the bar till 5 a.m. That girl knows how to have a good time, as does he. So to all you people who were hopping Harry would go for Kate Middletones sister Pippa, its not happening. Both Pippa and Kate had amazing after party dresses, they're really pretty girls (maybe its just the photoshop? naah)

The fairytale continues...

2011-05-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

The royal wedding was a very well planned event. Everything was correct and timed down to the last second. I was sitting with my mother in front of the T.V. when they told us that Prince William And Harry would be exiting Buckingham palace and when they came out my heart stopped. They looked so cute, especially Harry with his red hair and freckles. *swoon*. These brothers have been through so much, it was really nice to see how close they still are and how much love they have for each other. (Harry will actually be living in the same royal residence as the Prince & new princess and said he was glad to finally have a sister)

While they were making their grand entrance in the Westminsiter Abbey cathedral i'm sure Catherine was shaking with nearves. Imagine knowing that you were about to have 2 billion people from all over the world watching and judging your every move. She's a brave women for falling in love with a prince. She's also the luckiest. Heres her grand arrival... She looked flawless. The perfect princess

The ceremony was incredibly Romantic. There's never a more beautiful moment in a father daughter relationship then when he takes her down the aisle and hands his little girl to the guy he trusts will love her forever. Kate got that and when they arrived William said, "you look beautiful". What a sweetheart. They said their vow's and promised to be with each other through the good times and the bad times. Kate Middleton requested they take out the part of the vows that says "I will obey" because like any modern couple they want to have mutual respect for each other. Prince William didn't want to wear a wedding band, so he just placed the ring on Kate's finger and there was almost a little trouble getting it on but he did it. After the ceremony was finished and the hymns were sang they got off into their carriage's as the millions of British fans cheered for them.

Royal Wedding part 1

2011-05-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

On April 29th, 2011 at 4:00 a.m. I witnessed a real live fairy-tale. It was an unforgettable moment in history and I enjoyed every moment of it. Don't know what i'm talking about? The Royal Wedding. I woke up at 3 a.m. to watch people begin to arrive and I was green with gucci envy at all the very sophisticated british people and their AMAZING fascinators. No body knows how to rock a crazy hat or fascinator like the royals. The faces that really stood out of the people that arrived were of course the royal family and The Beckhams. They looked so perfect. He was in ralph lauren and she was wearing herself. They were as pretty as a picture...

I also noticed Elton John & his partner walking in, he was in very bright colors...

The future princess, Prince Harry's girlfriend Chelsea

Princess's Eugene & Beatrice arrived in very cool fascinators (thats what they call the half hat, half headbands). These two are Williams lovely cousins.

The future king of england, Prince Charles along with William's step mom Cruella...I meant Camilla

Here's the bride's mother...

Then last but not least, the Queen of England herself (can you believe she's 85 years old ?!?)

This is just the beginning, the story continues in the next blog

"I gotta tell her how I feel/I gotta let her hear the Best Love Song she ever hearrrd in her life"

2011-04-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Hello, I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello!
How are you all? I'm doing pretty amazingly great! The sun is shinning here where I live and everything feels perfect. I love weekends, its good to finally get some time to relax and just do fun things with family and friends. Its been a pretty good week, besides my physics test on friday but i'd rather not talk about that... On Thursday I went on a filed trip to my school to Topeka where we competed for singing and orchestra. Our choirs got all ones which is the highest score you can get. My choir got all of the points except for one out of 80. We sang There is Sweet Music Here and Nada de Turbe (this awesome song in spanish). It was fun to miss some school as well but my school can be kind of embarassing. Everyone there is so self centered, they think we're the best and their "above" all the "small town people" in Topeka. Its like they don't realize that lawrence is a small town too. They were insulting all those people from the other school and it just seemed rude to me. don't be rude to others!The orchestra got a one as well and we performed some really boring pieces. I don't really like orchestra that much. Its just not very fun and my teacher is really old...like 90 or something and she isn't good at making playing exciting.

Well a little update on the big news stories i've noticed, the royal wedding is coming up and something crazy happened with Kate Middleton! Someone found her face in a jelly bean! Its absolutely crazy because it looks exactly like her. Its like all those people who find Abraham Lincoln in potatoes. On a more serious note, Japan is still suffering from after shocks and terrible Nuclear stuff in their water. This shows that they should have never been allowed to possess nuclear power for their electricity and stuff because honestly they can't control it. I give them an F but I feel very bad for their people. Pray for them, I don't know what i'd do in that situation. Jelena, hollywoods teen it couple seems to still be together despite all the rumors of cheating we were hearing last week. Ms. Gomez should be visiting Mr. Bieber on his world tour next week in Malaysia. Their the worlds cutest couple. Thats all for now. Thanks for reading!

song of the day: Best Love Song by Chris Brown and T-Pain. I love this song... i'm always listening to it.

quote of the day: Don't frown, because you never know whos falling in love with your smile

"I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me" -Selena Gomez

2011-04-06T14:51:00.001-07:00

Hello World,
Its a beautiful day, the sun is shinning, Best Love Song is playing and I feel good. I'm much better then yesterday, my pity party phase is one hundred percent over and the tears have stopped. The truth is I have no reason to ever complain about anything. I'm healthy, I have an amazing family and that should be enough. How many people never get the chance to really live. I have that chance. I'm young and i'm alive and yes I make mistakes and sometimes it feels like things will never work out for me but at the end of the day I'm grateful and you all should be too. We live in a tough world now. Not everything as easy as it was back in the day, and there are plenty of people ready to bring you down or make you feel like you aren't good enough. But the truth is you are.

I don't even know who's reading thing, but I'm pretty sure your special. You've gotta be to be cool enough to read this blog :) Everyone thinks this urge for inspirational songs right now is really cheesy but I think that the world needs them. We're living in a time where everyone is striving to be perfect. Crooked teeth? get braces. Bad eyes? get contacts. Too fat? lipo. Too small? boob job. All these things are incredibly unnecessary. I just read Janet Jackson's book True You last month and it was pretty inspiring. The whole book was about her struggle with loving herself. You'd think she'd be the most secure person in the world, she's janet jackson I grew up wishing I was her. But even she felt like she wasn't good enough. Love yourself, even if no one else does. Other people are just stupid, and bring you down because their jealous and have their own issues. Don't let them get to you.

song of the day: Best Love Song & Next 2 You (because I'm loving anything and everything Chris Brown right now. Especially these two songs).

quote of the day: Just because you fail once, doesn't mean your going to fail at everything - Marilyn Monroe

"Tied Together with a smile but its coming undone"

2011-04-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

Today is honestly the worlds weirdest day. I can't stop crying. It's not because i'm sad either I just think about all these things and think about life and my reaction is just to cry. I have no answers, and nothing is for sure and I have no reason not to hope for the best in every aspect of life but I just can't. I need to get it together, I also need to find real people to talk too. Not that I don't love this blog and the people that read it, but....I need someone real. I also need to stop crying, I think I have over active tear syndrome and i hope it doesn't spread through the blog because it sucks my friends. It really does.

"This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending/No hope no love no glory/No happy ending..."

2011-04-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

Hello beautiful people,
I have a story for you today. I took a risk again...for real this time. I decided to let myself fall and see where it took me. I was hoping that it was a risk worth taking. But its me remember? It didn't work out. My risks never really workout. I wonder if I did something terrible in another life that I'm repaying for, or maybe I just haven't stored enough karma points. Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. But I really wanted it to work this time. I really wanted something, and I haven't really wanted something so bad before. But I was scared. And my fear got in the way. This sounds incredibly dumb...but... I just wanted him to like me.

For like three weeks I definitely just dealt with it, and I promised myself that I wouldn't cry anymore. Not over a boy, or anything else. I met this internet friend that never cries, because its a sign of weakness. I wanted to be strong too and thats why I avoided writting this because I knew that when I really thought about it and let myself feel I would...and I was right. I really don't blame anyone in the situation but me. And looking back would I do it again? No, because at the end of the day I think I just made a fool of myself and let my feelings get in the way of my brain.

But the worst part in the whole entire thing, is dealing with it alone. I feel like I'm a half way decent friend. I make my share of mistakes like everyone else but I try to be there for the people in my life. I really do. I listen to their problems, I cheer them on in their hard times, and I fight for them when they didn't get what they deserve. But when it comes to me...none of them are ever there. I'm all alone. Are those really friends? I don't think so. I sit and I listen to them talk about whatever, but when its my turn to need somebody to listen there's never anyone there. At first, I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt like the decisions I make are my business and my business only. But finally I shared with some people that I should be able to tell anything. They just didn't care. It wasn't a huge deal but it would have been awesome to have someone look past my fake smile and realize that I need them. So now I know, that I need to learn to fight for myself and take care of myself. Its me vs. the world and I don't know if I can win this one.

song of the day: Happy Ending - Mika

quote of the day: Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

do me a favor... be there for the people in your life because you never know when they really need you. Weather or not they show it all the time

"Everything that I have is yours/You will never be cold or hungry/I'll be there when your insecure let you know that your always lovely"

2011-04-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

I'm going to devote part of this post to Chris Brown. Last week he kind of lost it and it was pretty big news in the celebrity world. The F.A.M.E. album released last monday and I will talk about it in more detail in times to come. But to promote the album he went on Good Morning America and was scheduled for an interview with Robin. He comes in looks really cute and is ready to talk about his album. Robin starts talking about Rihanna right of the bat. Chris Brown gets upset and says he came to talk about the album not things that happened in his past. Stands up very obviously angry, sings a song and leaves. What the camaras don't show us is him ripping his shirt off (bummer) and throwing a chair through the window at the studio he was recording at. He got upset and I totally understand. Imagine the whole world never being able to move past the moment when you were at your lowest? That would really suck wouldn't it?

He made a very spectacular album. The last album wasn't my favorite and I had lost interest in my favorite boy after the album with With You and Forever on it but this new one is pure greatest. F.A.M.E. stands for Fans Are my Everything and its really a crowd pleaser album. He has a variety of songs on there but my favorite are the slower romantic ones. Next 2 You has been added to the list of my favorite songs of all time. This is the duet between Chris and my future husband Justin Bieber. The duet is absolutely amazing, they are so talented. I was so proud of justin because he totally sounded like a little man and his voice was crazy. There were moment when you couldn't tell who was singing what. Chris wants to be a big brother type figure to Justin and I think its a semi - good thing because chris understands growing up in the public eye. They both started as little high school boys in gray hoodies, and Justin still is one but you get it. E online cracked me up when they did a story on the "brothers" and they said "lets hope for selena's sake Justin isen't taking the advice" haha.

Anyways some other good songs from the fame album are:
She Ain't You
All Back
Should've Kissed You (my second fav)
Up 2 You

A side note, throughout the whole album there are little refrences to rihanna like "Oh na na's" in the background. Its too cute. He still loves her, and I think he regrets his decision. In my book he is...forgiven and very talented. #TeamBreezy

Song of the day: Next 2 You by Chris Brown ft. Justin Bieber

quote of the day: You Can Drive at 16, Go to war at 18, Drink at 21, and retire at 65. But how old do you have to be for your love to be real? - One Tree Hill

And promise not to promise anymore/And if you come around again then I will take/then I will take the chain from off the door"

2011-04-02T10:00:00.001-07:00

Hello to my favorite readers,
I hope your all doing good. This last two weeks has been a pretty amazing one. I'ev been involved in a show at my school called Encore. Its really big in our community. Our choir department puts on a full 3 and 1/2 hour show with us singing a variety of different songs. I told you that I had only made one song and was kind of bummed about it but once the performances started I really enjoyed myself. There were 1000 people in the audience and for some reason I wasn't nervous at all. I just did it how we've been practicing for the last 3 months and had the time of my life singing and dancing. It was a lot of fun, I'm really happy to have been part of it.

I also have been having all these girl talks about boys, and weight, and love and a ton of deep things with my friends backstage and its just fun. The most interesting conversation we had to me though, was a semi- argument about which hurt more emotional. Being Cheated on vs. Being Slapped by the person that you love. It was funny because we were split directly down the middle between the two. I feel like it almost broke out into the secure and the insecure. I personally said being cheated on would hurt way more, because it means what ever you had with the person wasn't good enough for him and he needed something more that you didn't have. Feeling not good enough is the worst thing in the world. The girls who said it would hurt more to be slapped (emotionally) said it was because they had zero respect for them at all and at least if they hit them they could fight back and get their anger out. Which would you say hurts more?

The last piece of information for today are some amazing new songs i've heard through Encore:

The Chain by Ingrid Michealson
One Day by Mitisyahu ft. Akon
Galileo by the Indigo Girls
Five Years Time by Noah and the Whale
Fidelity by Regina Specktor

These are all really good songs, listen to them and you wont be disappointed.

"On the first page of our story the future seemed so bright/Then this thing turned out so evil/I don't know why i'm still suprised"

2011-03-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,
After a very very very very long 3rd quarter it is finally spring break. I've never needed a break as much as I needed this one. I've had so many tests, and difficult worksheets lately. Not to mention math has been kicking my butt, but I pulled through and now i'm ready to relax and have a good time. My break started early with the St. Patricks Day parade downtown with my friends. We had a pretty good time, went out to lunch then just walked around a little bit. On Friday I got to go hang out with my Sami for a tea party and we later convinced our parents to let us spend the weekend together with our little brothers and we did. It was a really great time. We window shopped, and karaoked, and invented a language. It was an endless amount of fun!

I haven't had much going on for me lately, just like I said working hard with school. But yesterday, I became fearless. I'm not talking about, oh I'm going to wear orange even though it doesn't look good on me fearless but I mean actually taking risks and doing things differently. Playing tag. I feel like Taylor Swift on her fearless album and it feels good. I don't know if its necessarily more confidence, but its definitely less fear. If someone thinks I'm stupid, then thats their loss. It used to hurt me every time someone said something negative to me but now I don't really care. It's a good feeling. Except for it makes me talk to random canadians now, but its cool because their all very nice. I want to go to canada...really bad.

Well I hope your all enjoying life, and enjoying the good weather. The videos from the news about japan and all the areas of the pacific are really sad. I've been keeping them in my prayers and it would be good if you kept them in yours. Talk more soon, I promise. mwah

song of the day: Love the Way You Lie pt. 2 by Rihanna (I can't get enough of this song, I just really like it for some reason)

quote of the day: "Loosing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey...is far more cruel" - Nathan Scott

Mistreated, Misplaced, Misunderstood/Miss 'no way its all good it didn't slow it down/Mistaken always second guessing underestimated, .."

2011-03-05T21:54:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,
Lately me and one of my numero uno amigos have been back on the track to become fearless. I've already spent a majority of my life scared of what other people think and worried about pleasing other people. I am so done with that now. Because the people you work so hard to please end up caring the least about you. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience. I put my heart and soul into impressing people and they are never content. They don't like the way you dress or they don't get your hair. They want you to be just like them, so they don't feel alone. But then your stuck there being something your not and its no fun. I've spent my whole life pretending to life weird movies because thats what all my friends liked, and acting like I enjoy doing things that I find beyond boring. Those are moments of my life wasted. I wish I could get them back. The old me was too scared to admit that I liked the show Hannah Montanna back in 7th grade and that I read Miley's book miles to go. Why, I don't know? The people I wanted to impress so bad weren't even worth my time.

I've reached the point of my life where I want to have fun being me and have fun with life while still being a good person. I want to start up conversations with people I never thought I could be friends with...this one very attractive basketball player in particular :) I used to feel like I wasn't good enough to talk to certain boys or certain people. I used to feel like I was too fat and too boring. But I'm not boring, i'm just misunderstood. People just right me off as quiet but they don't know me and they don't know weather or not i'm loud if they've never took the time to talk to me. Along with trying to be better understood and be a braver person, i'm trying to understand other people more too. There are some people I marked off as this or that that are turning out to be really cool. 2011 is the year of no more judgments.

My school did an end to the r word thing on Wednesday and it was supported by a lot of people. For the first two days I saw the signs I was like, what is the r word. I figured it was some new cuss word I wasn't cool enough to know (I don't cuss, what's the point? There are a million other words in the dictionary that I can use that haven't been labeled as bad). The r word happens to be retarded. When you think about it why would you call someone retarded. It just as bad as calling every geeky person you see asian or cellist. Its a label thats insulting to the people your calling that and insulting to the people that were actually built that way. When you call someone retarded you are saying that their mentally incapable of learning and understanding anything. Dramatic much? I don't even think people should call others stupid. Why bring someone else down? I'm the type who takes every insult to heart. Not anymore with my new midset but i've been that kid who hurt on every inch of their body from insults and mean words. So the solution to this problem, be nice. And treat others how you would want to be treated or how you would treat obama or something.

Last but not least, one of my role models and favorite celebs Kim Kardashian recorded a song called Jam (Turn it up). It's a fun club song and she has a cute little voice. She just did it for fun and a majority of the money from the song goes to St. Hides so you all should support a good cause and get a fun song out of it :)

Song of the day: Jam (Turn it Up) by Kim Kardashian & F--cking Perfect by P!NK

Quote of the day: Learn from the past, make use of the preasent, fight for the future. - #ihatequotes from twitter

"I'm about to loose my mind/You've been gone for so long/I'm running out of time/I need a doctor to bring me back to life..."

2011-03-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!
I feel like i've abandoned you. I am so sorry. But don't worry I have a list of very understanding excuses. The first one is that i'm taking my ACT in a month and I'm not in such good shape for that right now. I'm using the study books and everything to try and help me understand the math and science sections. Education is power. Yup,yup. The second reason is because i'm addicted to twitter, and the hot canadian guys on there. Its kinda cool causes i've gotten to talk to a few of them and thier really nice. I like them better then american boys becauses their more open and more free to just do dumb stuff and not care weather your impressed or not. They just do them. Thats what i'm trying to do, just do me and care less about what others think. Its working ok but I still have those nearvous moments where i'm totally insecure and am all like I wish I could rewind back in time and not say that or do that. Its happening less and less though.

I'm also working on fixing some of my broken friendships, which turned out to be a lot easier then I thought. Friendship like everything else in life is something that needs to be worked on. You have to care for your friends, and work on conversations and being honest. But then there comes a point where you've done all that you can and it's up to them to walk the rest of the way. Friendship is a two way road. The worst kind of friendships are the ones where you give and give and never receive. In the past couple of months i've had moments where I could have really used a friend to step up and share a happy moment with or one to help me get through a sad moment. But with them not there, I've learned to step up and care for myself. I've learned to be my own best friend. I hope I don't get too tough though, the walls around me are already high but some people have been helping them get shorter. I've met and talked tons couple cool guys on twitter and their into me or have things in common with me. It's beyond fun and i hope to keep talking to them.

I've also been learning significant things about art. I'm in this Humanities class and it's beyond boring BUT I finally understand paintings and art sculptures. I'm the girl who went all the way to the Luve museum in Paris and got bored after 10 minutes. I ended up sitting on a bench watching secret life of the American teenager with a friend instead of seeing Divinci's original last supper. I was crazy, I know but I did see the monalisa but had no idea what was even so special about it. Through Humanities class i'm understanding the differences between art pieces and really starting to appreciate artists. It's a talent I don't posses but is cool. Well that's all for now. And the message if the day....

God is Love, Love is the true magic within the world so find something or someone that your passionate about and stick to it because when you loose that spark and that love you've lost it all. Have hope too, hope can get you through anything. I promise

Song of the day: I need a doctor by Eminem and Dr. Dre (I LOVE this song)

quote of the day: Stay hopeful no matter what comes your way. God is your refuge and he will be your strength through trials and persecution - #Ihatequotes on twitter

"Do you ever feel already burried deep/6ft under screams but no one seems to hear a thing/Do you know that theres still a chance for you..."

2011-02-20T15:01:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone!
Hope your all having a great weekend. I don't know about you but I feel like this weekend flew by. I spent a lot of my weekend contemplating. I think too much. And I'm not talking about Albert Einstien thinking too much, I mean like my brain is always thinking about where I am, where I want to be, who I am, who I want to be, hopes & fears, and that sliver of my brain thats always thinking Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber (imagine that to the tune of Black and Yellow). So I figured i'd share what I was thinking with all of you.

Where I am: In life right now i'm at a pretty good place. I'm doing decent in school but i'd like to do better. I'm excelling in piano. On a happy scale i'd be about a 6 on a daily basis just because i'm starting to hate school. I like myself and started realizing I like myself. I have not many friends I feel like I can count on, maybe 3 max but most of the time its just one and thats not the most convinent friendship.Some people just bug me,therefore i'm distancing myself from them and theres less negativity.I feel alone sometimes, but my family and God are the rocks in my life that are always there so I'm never really alone. And I have yet to study for the ACT

Where I want to Be: I want to have studied a million hours for the ACT and be prepared to ace it. I want to make straight A's, not A minuses in the picture. I want to kick butt at piano. I want to spend less time on my iphone stalking JB's twitter and more time reading, writting, and working on musical things. I want to be a genuinly good person. No talking behind peoples back, always having peoples best intrests at heart, and being ok with some peoples version of happy even if I don't agree with it. In a more long time future, I want to find someone that really lights up my world, some guy I can really relate too and have heart to hearts with. I want to be a pharmasist. I want to be very fashionable, no mom jeans for me EVER. I want to have 5 friends I can really count on. Yup, just 5. 5 people who I know actually care about me, and that I can relate with.

Who I Am: I'm a decent person. I haven't ever physically hurt someone but i've emotionally hurt people and thats not cool. I go through life in kind of a blur state and don't take everything in. I'm a decent listener and a decent friend when I want to be. I'm obsessed with fame. Finding it, and watching it live out of t.v. I'm stuborn and don't like it when people disagree with me, especially when I know i'm right. I hang on to crushes where i'm head over heels and their not for way to long. I'm fatter then I want to be (why beat around the bush?) But I like my teeth, thank you orthidontist!

Who I want to be: I want to talk about people behind their backs less, and not be so sensitive to every negative comment headed my way. I want to be courageous and able to mean new people. I want to be fearless and taking in every moment of life. I want to weight like 20 pounds less, and I want to laugh more. I used to laugh all the time, but sometimes latley it seems like I have nothing to laugh about. I want to be better at hiding my distaste when some people have opinions other then my own. And I want to be me, all the time. No fakeness.

Hopes & Fears: I already talked about my hopes but my new fear is going off to college and my family living life without me. I don't know why thats so terrible to me but I always want to feel like a part of my family. And I'm connected to them so its weird for me to think about going off somewhere and being all alone. I'm really scared of ending up friendless, loveless, and familyless. Thats my huge fear.

And that justin bieber sliver: He looked so hot in that US magazine issue I flipped through, I would kill to be selena gomez right now.

Anyways thats kind of a summerized version of where I am in life right now. I hope your all in a good place. I'm reading Janet Jacksons book True You right now and hopefully i'll find myself more by reading through her journey to finding herself.

song of the day: Firework by Katy Perry

quote of the day: The only person that can define you, change you, or affect you in any significant way is yourself

"This is my destiny...I will never say never"

2011-02-19T09:20:00.000-08:00

I wanna take a quick second to give a shout out to Justin Bieber new movie NEVER SAY NEVER! I saw it twice in the last weekend, and loved it way more the second time. I purposely went at an awkward time with my cousin the second time so we could sing along and have the theater all to ourselves. It was a really great movie. This isn't just a movie for the mob of teenage girls that are head over heals in love with Justin (proud member of this mob), its for all people. Its an inspirational story about how hard work can take you to an unbelievable level of success. It goes through Justin's whole life and shows this little two year old boy drumming like someone who's been practicing his whole life. Justin Bieber is so blessed, no one has yet to achieve what he has. I'm not just saying this, L.A. Reid who's produced most of hollywood said he's never seen anything like this. A sixteen year old boy who can do what justin can only happens once in a lifetime.

There's lots of fans being interviewed in the movie, cute moments of Justin and his sexy canadian friends. We see him playing basketball, we get to hear from his family and his old teachers. There's just lots of cute funny stories PLUS its in 3D. Its great fun and I would suggest you all go see it :)

"Can you feel this magic in the air/It must have been the way you kissed me/I fell in love when I saw you standing there/Today was a fairy tale"

2011-02-16T16:03:00.000-08:00

Hello World!
How are you? I know this is late but HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. Just because I didn't send say this on the 14th and send each and every one of you faithful five some roses doesn't mean I love you any less :) Valentines day can be a great day for some, and a terrible day for others. This year I was in the middle. I spent my sixteenth year without a valentine and I was pretty ok with that. It would have been nice to get roses, I like flowers but I didn't give any guys anything either. My brother was adorable though, he's still little and he told this girl in his class that he liked her. For elementary school thats as far as it will go but I'm glad she felt special. Love is in the air, the birds were chirping this morning and it was literally 60 degrees her where I live. I've been enjoying the weather, but i'm still not really in the mood for summery clothes.

Anyways, getting back on the topic of valentines day, you want to know why I enjoyed mine? Because I had a fantastic 3D guy for my valentine. He goes by the name of Justin Drew Bieber. :) Yes, I went to see his movie Never Say Never! It was a really really really great movie. The whole thing was recorded over ten days. There are some fun scenes where he's just chilling with his friends and family being a normal guy, there are other parts where he's performing at different arenas, and they show the most adorable childhood videos of him. He was the cutest little boy ever. You just don't want the movie to end. Its truly inspirational, the movie shows that if you work hard nothing and no one can stop you. Justin's worked really hard and this movie shows that. It shows him with the fans, and the down sides of being a celebrity (tired most of the time, barley ever get to see your friends & family). Its all in all a good movie and i'd suggest to anyone. I went with my mom and she adored it. If your on twitter everyones been talking about it. You should just go check it out, i'm going to see it again tomorrow :)

If you were alone this valentines day and bummed about it, don't be. There's a person for everyone out there and one day your person will come. I promise they'll be worth the wait. :)

song of the day: Today was a fairytale by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Love is on sale. Look around you on Valentines DAy. Every retailer is cashing in on the Valentines day circus (very true, but I think its nice that once a year people express how they feel to one and other. Here it goes from me. I love you guys!)

"It's a quarter after one/I'm all alone and I need you now" song & record of the year

2011-02-15T19:43:00.000-08:00

Grammy Awards ceremony started with a bang in the year 2011. I had many predictions on what would happen this year and one of them included Eminem opening up the grammy show then winning 10 out of the ten grammy's he was nominated for. Neither thing happened. The show was opened by christina Aguleria, Jennifer Hudson, Martina McBride, Yolanda Adams, and Florence singing a ton of different Aretha Franklin songs. They all have fabulous voices but i'd say the performance overall was just ok. The next performance of the night was by Lady Gaga, who ofcourse did the crazy thing and came out of the egg. The performance was decent but not my favorite of the night...

My favorite performances of the night are a five way tie. I'll list them in the order they appeared on the show:
1. I absolutely loved B.o.B., Bruno Mars, and Janelle Monae (who apparently is from KC) performing together. If you have yet to see that performance you need too! They sounded SO good. B.o.B. and Bruno mars did nothing on you together while janelle did background vocals, Then Bruno Mars did his own soul filled version of Grenade which was fab, then Janelle Monae made me stand up and start dancing with a great song of hers i'd never heard of.

2. My second favorite performance was amazing because it was both my future husbands (they will share me) performing TOGETHER. If was Justin Bieber, Usher Raymond, and Jaden Smith. It started with Usher and Justin reliving their history together then justin did a tiny little bit of the acoustic version of baby. Then Usher left while Justin and Jaden did a kick butt performance of Never Say Never, then Usher came out and did OMG and Justin actually sang along with him and they did this awesome dance move where they switch places and froze at the end. I LOVED IT! Usher and Justin were SO cute. And Jadens parent's were so into his performance, it was adorable.

3. Eminem & Rihanna Love the Way You Lie was one of the most fantastic songs i've ever heard. Imagine it live, it was awesome. Must I say anymore. After this performance Eminem broke off and did I need a Doctor which is a great song, with Dr. Dre. Great performance

4. Rihanna performed twice last night, and Drake performed Whats My Name with her the second time. It is just such a good song! I loved, loved, loved it. And Drake was getting all romantic and really into it with his killer smile. It was a nice one.

5. Katy Perry blew me away with her voice once again. She started off doing a slower song while she was on a swing and on the background she flashed videos from her romantic wedding on a sheet. It was the sweetest thing. Then she picked everything up and performed Teenage Dream.

Those were my top five performances of the night.

Recap of important awards:
Song of the Year: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
Record of the Year: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
Album of the year: Can't say I know, it was a crazy rock group that gave me a headache
Rap Album of the Year: Eminem's Recovery
Best New Artist: Esperanza Spalding

Now I know what your wondering, how on earth did Eminem not win album of the year and What is an esperanza? I'll answer both questions. For the first one, the grammy comitee is just hating on Eminem because he made a GREAT album. For the second one, we all know Justin Bieber should have won. All night long I was thinking his big competition was drake. But it turned out it was the afro lady I needed to worry about. No ones ever heard of her, two days ago she only had 5,000 twitter followers. She's seriously an up and coming jazz singer. But NO ONE CARES! Thats why I think Justin or Drake should have one. If we're comparing stats Justin sold way more albums and concerts then Drake did therefore he should be the winner. Those two awards were rigged and thats all I have to say about it.

"Don't Be a Drag Just Be a Queen" - Lady Gaga born this way

2011-02-15T19:25:00.000-08:00

The Grammy's 2011 were pretty awesome. You've got to understand I love the grammy's. Do you all have a favorite t.v. show? Imagine if it only came out once a year. That would suck wouldn't it? Well thats what I have to go through, but every year around the 2nd week in february the Grammies never let me down. I'm going to being with fashion talk.

Our generation is pretty crazy. We've got girls like Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj who outbeat each other when it comes to weirdness. I have to say Lady Gaga won this battle. She showed up to the red carpet in a semi truck. Everyone else came in limos but gaga came in a semi. Taped to the semi was a sign saying talent. Then suddenly these men dressed like Greek Gods pull out a gigantic egg and carry it up high above the heads of the people (pictures below). And down the red carpet comes lady gaga in the egg. Crazy right? Ryan Secrest got an exclusive interview but Gaga herself didn't talk. "Her people" said that she was in a state of pre-birth and she was like a fetus in the egg resting up to be born again on stage. Catchy right, her single is called Born This Way (and it sounds weirdly like madonna's Express Yourself). Lady Gaga's entrance made history, and made Nicki Minaj's outfit look normal. Justin Bieber talked about her entrance on a late night show and was like, "People say that it was supposed to be artistic, but i'm like your in an egg!". I agree with justin.

The rest of the people at the grammy's looked beautiful and handsome as usual. Check out some pics of my favorites:

"I never thought that I could take the burn/I never had the strength to take it higher/Until I reached the point of no return"

2011-02-09T16:12:00.000-08:00

Hey!
I'm going to talk about three big events that happened not in my life but in the life of the world. The first is the superbowl. Are all the green bay people happy? I totally guessed that they were gonna win, I didn't get to watch cause I was auditioning all day but I know thats a huge thing for people all over America. The beginning is always the national anthem and eveyrone thought it was gonna be great since Christina Aguleria is singing it and she has such a big voice. Well, she screwed up the words. What is it with artists? I know all the words, this is your country you should have pride. You think kim jon ill would let that happen in north korea? jk. What I did watch though, was the halftime show. It was fabulous! They haven't had anyone young or hip do the show sing poor Janet Jacksons wordrobe malfunction.

They had the black eyed peas performing and they put on a grea tshow. A lot of people said they weren't the best vocally but it they had cool heart beating effects and played all their hits including: I got a feeling, Boom Boom Pow, Where is the love, Lets get it started, & the time (dirty bit). It was fun, and Usher made an apperence to perform OMG with Will.I.Am (fav part). Then slash came out to play sweet child o' mine for fergie and that was an awesome duo. It was a really nice performance, you know for a music artist performing at the super bowl is a humongeous deal. Michael Jacksons superbowl performance is legendary, as is princes, so the black eyed peas joined big names.

Yesturday, someting big for teenage girls happened. Justin Bieber's never say never premire in LA. It was a huge deal for starters because only two movies have been able to open up at the Nokia Theaters. Only two, they only use it for big premires. That was Michael Jacksons This Is It, and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Both of those movies ended up breaking records in the box office. It was a star studded event. Justin's favorite color is purple so a lot of people wore purple, and they had a purple carpet instead of a red carpet. His whole family except his dad was there. And lots of celebs showed up. Will Smith showed up with Jayden Willow and his wife, Chris Brown went, Miley Cyrus went, The Dream, all the disney stars, Rico from modern family, Usher and his two adorable stylish suns, and Selena Gomez. She was the last to arrive for starters, and the two weren't seen together at all. I don't know why their being so secretive about this but their a cute couple. Everyone go see never say never on friday night or sometime this next week. Its gotten great reviews, its not just a concert movie. It should be great.

The third event I'm going to keep brief, we all know about the revolts going on in Egypt. Egypt is technically a democracy but the same guy with the same administration have been in office for forever. They've had enough with the corruption and their standing up to the government saying they want to see a change. Its actually really cool and a nice political story to follow :)

Song of the day: Never Say Never by Justin Bieber ft. Jayden Smith

quote of the day: Don't let the fear of stricking out keep you from playing the game - Cinderella Story (with Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray)

"Pretty Pretty Please/Dont you ever ever feel like your less then f--cking perfect"

2011-02-09T16:00:00.001-08:00

Hello.
I've missed you all, very much. This last month of my life has been crazy weird. I spent the last month rehersing like crazy to make my high school "talent show" thats simply for singing. I found out today that only one of my groups made it, so I basically wasted the last month of my life. At first I thought I would cry, but you can say that i'm used to dissapointment. I work really hard on a lot of things and they just don't work out. I guess you can say i'm pretty unlucky. I try to make myself feel better by reminding myself that a lot of people just want a nice family and good health and I have that but it still doesn't make all theses no's and rejections feel any better.

This month I also got over prince. Yup, that same prince I spent the whole history of this blog praising and adoring. I wasted my time on that one too but I honestly don't blame him. If I were him I woulden't love me either. I know it sounds like I have low self-esteem, i'm not i'm just honest with myself. I never really talked to him, I was pretty akward when he was around, and we never really had the oppurtunity to get to know each other and click. Not to mention I'm not what I should be. I'm not exactly the fitting "perfect american girl". I feel fat, because i'm bigger then a lot of people. I'm short, and I have values so I'm not easy. Guys like easy, fun, flirty types and thats just not me. You have to break through my "facade" that I built to protect myself from the wrong people, and rejection in order to actually see who I am. Sometimes I wonder if i'll always be alone... Oh well, I'd rather be alone then treated like i'm not even there. I totally tweeted him trying to start something, being friendly and he just ignored me like he was the king and I was a peasent. Fuck that! (Excuse my lanuage). I don't deal with that kind of treatment.

A lot of female singers have been writting these self empowerment songs and their totally right. We shoulden't let guys treat us like we're nothing. Even if their as "perfect" as I made prine sound in all these blogs. No ones worth you feeling like a nothing. Absolutley no one. Us girls deal with so much, and guys feel like its ok to treat us that way. We need to stand up to that kind of stuff and show that we won't be held down or made to feel unworthy of anyone or anything. Which brings me to the song of the day...

song of the day: f--king perfect by Pink (Great song, don't let the f word turn you away)

quote of the day: Fly like a butterfly, Sting like a bee

"No one knows that you cry & you don't tell anyone/That you might not be the golden one/Your tied together with a smile but your coming undone"

2011-01-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone!
Its friday! Yay! The snow is still on the round and the view from my window is kind of a little beautiful. Its warm in here and i'm more thankful then ever for havin a roof over my head. So i've been hearing about quite a few interesting news stories. I'll start with the miraculous one, because theres nothing like a miracle to cheer a person on. So there was a girl, 23 years old who was kidnapped at only a few days old and found her parents! Exciting right? When she was an infant in the hospital, this women dressed up as a nurse and stole the baby. How suckish would that be? Someone just steals your new born baby and raises her as her own when shes a real quack. Apperently this happens all the time, peoples babies get stolen or mixed up. I think if I was a mother who just gave birth I woulden't want them to take my baby away, i'd rather I be able to stay in the same room. The girl figured out she was a stolen baby when her fake "mother" wasen't able to produce a birth certificate for her, and thats really fishy. All of you should have a birth certificate, if you don't then something fishy's going on. But when she realized that she may be stolen or something she went to the police, matched her DNA and age and they set her up with her real parents.

So she has a happy but akward ending. Can you imagine having to meet your own parents. You'd be super worried about what to talk about, and they may feel more connected to you then you feel to them. Its really rough and hard to imagine. But i'm glad the psyco women didn't kill her though. Shes still on the loose so protect your babies readers. On the subject of babies, did you hear about the school where 90 of the students are pregnant or gave birth earlier this year (as is 2011). Its a high school, in Memphis, TN. Can you believe that? Kim Kardashian, someone I semi- look up too spoke about this earlier and I was really with her on this one. She spoke about how having a baby changes your life and most people just aren't ready to do that anywhere from 15-18 years of age. People watch these shows like Teen Mom, and Secret Life of the American Teenager and get all these crazy ideas about what it will be like for them. Its fun to watch, but not so fun to live from waht I can think of. These are 90 students, meaning they probably don't have any jobs or places of their own. Where are they gonna put these babies? You know its really easy to get pregnant, but to raise your baby and teach them all the things they need to no isen't easy.

Another thing I don't get is at this point don't we all know about condoms and birth control? I feel like if your old enough to have sex you should be old enough to protect yourself from whats out there. I understand that some people can't use birth control because of religious affiliations, but other then that its a good way to keep yourself from being in an impossible to handle situations. Babies are hard work, 18 years of it. And you may have a lot of love in your heart but not have what it takes to bring up a child in a happy, healthy enviorment. I personally don't believe in abortion & I bet some of those girls don't either. But maybe they could consider adoption and some other resources if their not fit to be mothers. I also wonder who fathered these children. If this is a posative situation there are 90 different fathers but part if me thinks it could be a one man/two baby situation. Theres so much that goes into this story but just pray for these teens. Keep them in your posative thoughts and hopefully they'll be able to raise future presidents and actors. I want nothing but the best for all of them, but I wrote some of this harsh stuff so that those of you who are thinking about getting yourself in a situation would remember that its not as easy as it looks on t.v.

song of the day: Tied together with a smile by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: "Girls," she pleaded, "please, think very carefully before you make these kinds of decisions. Talk to your family, friends, teachers, and most of all, be careful."

- Kim Kardashian

"I know theres sunshine beyond that rain/I know theres good times beyond that pain/Can you tell me how I can make a change"

2011-01-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

Hey!
This is a continuation of my blog from just a few minutes ago. Now I get to talk to you about something sad I went through. I'm a lot better now though. So these last couple days my whole life has been about Encore! Encore is this show that my choir puts in where we perform songs. Its kinda like a less cool version of Glee, but its just as serious. We have to have costumes, coreography, good vocals, and all that has to be disucssed and done outside of class. I'm in the groups singing, Shout, Like a Prayer, Say My Name, I wanna Dance with Somebody, and Total Eclipse of the Heart. The like a prayer group had a rehersal where we were gonna decide who gets the solo. For some reason I really wanted the solo, more then anything. It was really cool, because I finally realized that I absolutley love to sing. And I would like to do that in front of others. So I practiced over the weekend and really thought I stood a chance at the solo.

I think you can predict...I didn't get it. I just got so sad and heartbroken over the whole thing. I seriously cried. Weird, I know but it just really hurt me. And part of it was that i'd just come from a great enviorenment with such caring and concerened people. I came home to my family who really cares about me, but it just seemed like I had no one to really lean on outside of my family. It kinda sucked and I was feeling really bad. And once one thing goes wrong another does. So I get over it, do my homework and when I wake up I have swollen eyes. My first reaction was, OH my gosh my mom was right! When you wear make up too much you start to look ugly without it. My poor face!. It sounds dumb but I coulden't put my finger on what was different about my face. After a couple minutes in front of the mirror I realized my eyes were swollen. It looked terrible, so my mom had the idea to hide it with my glasses. Thank goodness no one noticed.

The next thing that happened wasen't too bad, but today in choir we had to state our sizes. My last name comes first so I said large, then the girl was like "just so everyone knows the shirts run really big so you don't need to worry about getting a bigger size) then the girl stares at me waiting for me to change so I saw I'll take medium I guess. Now I wanted to slap myself for being less confident but 97% of the girls in there said they were small and trust me, they weren't all small. It was the perfect example of how our society pressures people into being skinny. Now i'm gonna get a shirt that doesn't fit and its gonna suck. I went up to change it after class, but the sheet was gone. So now I might get stuck with a small shirt thats all tight on my boobs and stomach. That will be great won't it? Not! I over worry about everything but, I feel like i'm doing it with good reason this time. Hopefully the sheet will still be there tomorow.

song of the day: Pray by Justin Bieber

quote of the day: Its funny how when you do something nice no one notices, but when you make a mistake no one forgets

"I have a dream that one day/I'ma look deep within myself/i gotta find a way/My dream is to be free"

2011-01-19T15:37:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!
It's been awhile, I think you should all know that its snowing over here and it looks beautiful. And I have two stories to tell you, one of an ultimate high and the other of an ultimate low. I'm going to start with the good news but if your reading this from oldest to newest you might end up hearing the bad news first. oh well. The good news is that this last long weeked I went to an amazing Christian Youth Event called Miqra. Miqra means public reading of the bible in hebrew. Hebrew is the original language of the christian faith for those of you who don't know because we recieved the old testement from the jewish. At this event the bible is being read every second till monday morning when we end with Revelations the last page of the bible. But we really don't end up hearing much of it. The whole time we play games, and have awesome activities.

This even was held at this beautiful cathedral, with amazing stain glass windows of every color and shape. There were plenty of candles and the location had a good feel to it. When my dad dropped me off I was really worried and prepared to spend a weekend by myself. This was because I didn't know anyone at the event. What I didn't know was that i'd end up spending the next 72 hours of my life with some of the kindest people around. Everyone there was so nice, and I just knew it was the God in them. I go to school with some pretty rude people so going to this event opened my eyes to a different and better life. These kids were very friendly, almost all watched glee, some weren't allowed to date or get on sites like facebook and they didn't complain or do it behind their parents backs. They were really cool to me for that. The adults were really nice as well.

We played a really awesome game where we got 25 song lyrics and we had to guess the song. Of course I was beast at that game because I always have song lyrics for this blog , so I really helped my "tribe". At youth events we almost always have tribes previously known as family groups. Its just a small group that you can meet up with to do activities that you get assigned with and can get closer too people and god then when your in a big group. Afterwards we took pictures describing all the lyrics. We sang plenty of praise and worship songs and of course read the bible. That was the first time i've read the bible for an hour strait. I was pleased with what I read and inspired to read more. The whole thing was on youtube so my family saw it and it was cool :)

We also had a dance that was fun. We did stuff like the electric slide, cha cha slide, cupids shuffle, thriller dance, and some other stuff. They also jammed out to Teach Me How to Dougi and Bottoms up and stuff. Yes we were in a church, and yes it was ok. We're episcopalian and we embrace who we are. If you don't listen to bottoms up in a church but listen it at home who are you lying too? The big man upstairs knows what you do in church and out. I had a great time and met some cool people. It was a great expireance

song of the day: I have a dream by Common

quote of the day: An indivisual has not started living until he can rise about the narrow confines of his indiviualistic concerns to the broader concerns of humanity - Martin Luther King Jr.

"I wanna dance with somebody/I wanna feel the heat with somebody/I wanna dance with somebody/Somebody who loves you

2011-01-14T16:37:00.000-08:00

Hey!
Whats up my people? I seriously spent a long time thinking about my last couple of blogs. Part of me was tempted to delete them, but why would I hide what I was feeling. I seriously was feeling all of that, but now I'm in a less sentimental mood. I still feel the same things but I have my head on straight and am thinking about other things more and not just worrying about my non exsist love life, or future love life. I'm so weird. Part of my problem is I can't control my thoughts. I'm akways thinking and always having different thoughts. Its weird, but I'm used to it. Remember I said I don't get oppurtunities? Got one, didn't use it. Slap me on the hand, God gives me what I ask for and I don't open the gift. So sad, but on a different note.

You. all. have. been. living. a. lie. Don't get mad and stop reading this now, I'm not judging your life or anything weird. I'm talking about star signs. Did you hear about the change? They added a 13th sign which I now am, and it sucks. I am a sagittarious. I like being a sagittarious, its fun and sagittarious's are love matched with the best guys, aries, and scorpios :) Some of you are probably thinking, well what ev i'm still the same sign. No a lot of you probably changed when they divided the months differences. The horescope masters say this star has been in the sky for a long time they just weren't ready to make the change. A lot of people aren't believing their new sign, because it was the eastern horescope types that added the new star and most of us in the U.S. and U.K. follow the western systems. Its all super confuzing, but thats half the fun of it right?

So I'm going to Miqra this weekend, if your a crazy stalker pretend you didn't read that. Unless your a devishly handsome aries,scorpio,or Leo stalker, then feel free to come back because like I said, I'm sagittarious at heart :) Anyways back to Miqra, Miqra is a hebrew word for reading (if you were jewish you probably know that). And throughout the whole event we read the bible from front to finish. The bible never stops being read. I don't know anyone whos going and I'm venturing out on my own, but you know what I need more faith in my life. I feel like I'm not where I used to be with my religion and I started relying more on 11:11 and less on God. Thats just not the way I was raised and not the way I want to live my life. Let me tell you, Episcopalians are the kindest of people. I'm not just saying that cause i'm one I'm telling you because its the truth. I just find it hard to connect with people sometimes, but i'll put my best foot forward at this youth event. Wish me luck guys.

song of the day: I wannna dance with somebody by Whitney Houstan (it puts me in a good mood). Listen to it, I dare you. Its one of my Encore songs. I feel the same way as her, I want to really dance with somebody and feel it from head to toe. Someday :)

quote of the day: A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.

"All those other girls well their beautiful but would they write a song for you?"

2011-01-13T16:50:00.001-08:00

"Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving but I know I saw a light in you
As we walked we were talking and I didn't say half the things I wanted to
Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Stephen, boy you might have me believing I don't always have to be alone...

cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I've got some things to say to you
I seen it all so I thought but I never seen nobody shine the way you do
The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving
I think you and I should stay the same

Hey Stephen I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well they're beautiful but would they write a song for you"

Hey everyone! The Amazing Taylor Swift has brought me full circle. I sang through the sad songs and then hope came in the form of a song called Hey Stephen on shuffle. If you skipped reading all that you totally should, because thats exactly how I feel. Instead of Stephan make it prince's real name and you got me. So Mr. Wonderful, like Taylor said, those other girls are beautiful but would they ever care the way I already do? I would stand tossing rocks at your window forever, well not forever but a long time even in the -7 degree weather like today. And I would do it because I know that your worth it, in every single way. And someday if its in Gods plan,and its supposed to happen, you'll realize it. I'll be waiting when you finally do, make it sooner rather then later though?

This is starting to sound like my old other blog, but I can't help it. I needed to get that out and this is my outlet. I could just tell him, but I don't know if he wants to hear it. Thats just the way life goes, when he wants to hear it I promise you i'll say it. In all its entirety. I won't try and look cool or less mushy or whatever. I'll be me. And If he's lucky i'll still be around ready to love him.... if not, his loss.

"I'm not a princess..."

2011-01-13T15:29:00.000-08:00

"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around"

Dear Taylor Swift,
I would really appriciate it if you stopped stealing all the words I'm thinking.
Thanks Much

The song above is from White Horse by Taylor swift, I'm feeling kind down about stuff now and the song is just perfect. Yes. I am sitting her listening to taylor swift songs about how boys never go for the right girls and other songs about wishing he was mine. Yes. Some would say its pathetic. No I don't think so. Yes. I'll keep doing this till I feel better. No. I don't feel better yet

"Forget the world now we won't let them see/But theres one thing left to do/That the weight has lifted love has truley shifted my way/Marry Me"

2011-01-13T14:56:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone,
So I'm semi-bummed. Why? I really don't even know. I think it started with school today. No, not the fact that I had to go even though that was sad. I'm jealous of my people down in Atlanta who got to stay home for like a whole week! But anyways when we went to school today we got to fill out our matchmaker forms. If you've been following me since last year then you remember me talking about it then. Everyone at my school, boys & girls are required to fill out a 20 question thing about what their looking for and all this stuff and then we send the forms to Canada (I love canada, I think I might belong there and I can be Drake and Justin Biebers cute girl next door). Anyways they send it to canada and then we get the results on...valentines day. Last year my perfect match actually seemed actually ok, but the last conversation we'd had was in the 2nd grade so I didn't really see us going from strangers to lovers.

Theres nothing wrong with valentines day and all this perfect match lovey dovey stuff aside from the fact it kind of sucks when your single. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being single. I don't even know if I want to be in a relationship for sure it just seems appealing to me. I've never really dated someone, like a real legit relationship. I lost my kissing virginity to my best guy friend and that never went anywhere. It seems like I get close to people then they fall for someone else. It sucks. But anyways, when your alone valentines day is just another day to remember that you are alone.

I've been kind of on the lookout at school for potential valentines but there was no spark with any of them. Some of them were ok, nice sweet boys. Awhile ago I was on the right track of getting over Prince. Then I somehow got some false sense of hope about him and I. But its starting to click with me now that he doesn't like me. You know being facebook friends with someone opens you up to another side of them, the kind you don't really see in person. His facebook alter ego seems really open and friendly like, I'm open to making friends with anyone. But then I try and its like sorry...everyone but you. I don't try very hard, I don't have the oppurtunities, and I'd just love it if he loved me. Am I wrong for that? Am I wrong for wanting to be wanted and wanting to be shown some kind of affection? I've been relating to the song Grenade, Marry Me and Cold as you quite a bit. It sucks when you feel like you really care about someone but you realize they don't feel the same way. And you start to wonder why.

Thats where I'm at. Why not me. Why can't I be the one to make you happy. I don't get it, probably never will, but it sucks.

songs of the day: Grenade by Bruno Mars and Cold As You by Taylor Swift

quotes of the day (all from the songs meantioned above):

"Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you"

- This song is exactly how I feel, T.Swift took the words out of my heart and put them in a song. Its called Cold As You.

"I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same"

- Grenade by Bruno Mars, it speaks for itself

"Please forgive me if I'm coming off too strong/Hate to stare but their winning and playing my favorite song" - Britney Spears

2011-01-11T09:54:00.000-08:00

Hello!
I hope you all are doing great. I hate to state the obvious, but you guys all know that anything can happen right? I mean anything, Barack Obama could knock on your door right now and say that he is your long lost uncle. Someone could show up to school with bad intentions and hurt others. You could buy a lottery ticket for 1 dollar and end up winning a million. Literally anything can happen. That makes me scared and happy at the same time. I'll start with the good news. It makes me super happy because I realize that I could have an amazing future. I could get lucky and become a famous celebrity interviewer or I could find a cure for cancer or do something amazing. It gives me hope for myself and everyone else that they can achieve greatness someday somehow. I kind of found this hope again when I was reading First Steps 2 Forever: My Story by Justin Bieber. It was a really good books and I would suggest you all read it because its great but i'll tell you a little about it.

Justin Bieber was a regular small town boy dreaming of a drivers license. He was into music from the very beginning and did it for fun. He was embarrassed to share his interests with friends so music was just something he did on the side when he wasn't going to a school where they spoke all french (I had to add that tidbit in, he speaks fluent french). So he enters a singing competition, puts it on youtube and the rest is history. A regular guy became a super star in the shortest period of time. He didn't know anyone in the business, and he wasn't filthy rich he was just lucky. This story is proof that there's plenty of luck out there for good, deserving people. You just have to do your part by working hard and figuring out what exactly you were called to do in life.

The downside of anything being able to happen is that bad things can happen just as easily as good things can. So value what you have while you have it. There are people who've been millionaires and ended up in a box asking for money with a "homeless veteran" sign. As fun as it is to hope and long for something better for yourself you should appreciate what you have, because I guarantee that there's someone wishing they could have your life.

I guess the whole point of this blog is prepare to be surprised. You never know what's going to happen.

song of the day: Hold It Against Me - Britney Spears (This is the first single from her new album which dropped 1/11/11. Its already number one on itunes)

quote of the day: "It is said that the saddest thing man will ever face is what might have been. But what of a man whose faced with what was?" - Dan Scott

"When it seems all your dreams come undone we stand by your side/Filled with hope and with pride we are more then we are/We are One"

2011-01-11T09:40:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!
You know what makes today amazing? SNOW DAY!!! I'm not that big of a fan of the snow because me and cold don't get along. I prefer to be inside but if snows what it takes for a couple days off of school, i'll take it. We got one yesterday too, I spent the day relaxing at home and watching lots of One Tree Hill. I'm pretty obsessed with that show for those of you who don't know, and if you watch there's a chance that Lucas and Peyton will be coming back for the 8th season!!Thats really exciting news and the perfect transition. My favorite character from one tree hill is Brooke Davis, played by Sophia Bush who actually has a connection to the Arizona murders. Have you all heard about those?

I think the guy was "mental", and the congresswoman was at a SafeWay (super market) and was going to do like a meet and greet with the average jos of America to conversate over what they want to see in the near future and what she can do for them. The guy knew she was going to do this, bought bullets from Walmart (although he was denied at the first two Walmarts he went to) and went to the grocery store. He had one of those guns that shoot on its own and you only pull the trigger once. Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I know absolutely nothing about guns. But anyways so he ends up shooting the congresswoman in the head, she's been in critical condition for the last couple days. He shot I think up to ten people and quite a few of them died.

One of the people who died was a 9 year old girl who happened to be born on 9/11. She was featured in a book as one of the things of hope that came out of such a tragedy. Its really sad that she died during an attack and was born during one as well. My prayers go out to her and her family. This little girl happens to be related to Sophia Bush, it was her second cousin. She was on Chelsea Lately (pretty funny show by the way) and talked about how she never even got a chance to meet her. And she made her realize that life is short and we should all make more time for our families and friends. Its really true. You never know whats going to happen today or the next day. You can just keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Situations like this make me kind of scared for the world. Have you noticed there are more and more crazies out there ready to harm someone else and damage the life of that human being and their family for eternity. Its sad we live in a world thats getting torn further and further apart instead of people coming closer together.

Today is 1/11/11. My hope for the world this year is for us to be one. Just like the date. We need to all come together and learn to love our fellow human beings.

song of the day: We are One - Lion King 2

quote of the day: Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened

"Hes lightnin'/Sparks Flying/Everywhere I go hes always on my mind/I'm going crazy about him latley/& Can't help myself from how my heart is racing"

2011-01-08T16:18:00.000-08:00

Hey!
How have you guys been? I've been burried in homework and some projects all week long. My break is over and i'm back to regular life now. It doesn't feel that great but you know, thats life. School is a little dull and it still feels a little out of place but i'll get back in the hang of things. My favorite class so far is humantities because some of the stuff we're learned about intrests me a lot. We've discovered the evolution of people (not that monkey stuff but about mesopatamia and egypt and the farthest back we can go when it comes to people). I enjoy the class but I wish it was in a smaller setting. There are 45 people in that class. Its huge. Why so many people? I believe it has to do with something called budget cuts. We have two teachers though so it works out fine.

Last night, I was up pretty late talking to my family and then I had an interesting conversation with my cousin. She was telling me about the Weezy story I wrote about on the last blog and we started on the subject of boys like we always seem to do. And of curse when boys come up it always goes back to the one boy. The one boy for me and her one boy. There are many cute boys in the world and they don't go un-noticed but theres always that one boy that just shines brighter to you then the rest you know. Anyways she was giving me advice, about what to do with the crush. I wrote my first book last year as some of you know and the book has a very strong main character. Her advice to me was to be more like the girl in the book and comfront him about how I feel. She thinks I should stop sittin around and writting love/adventure stories and actually live one.

Fear isen't so much the problem anymore. I've really gotten braver and been sticking to my new years resolution about speaking up when I want too and not being so worried about bad things. Before it used to be all about what if he doesn't like me, what if i'm not his type, what if he laughs in my face etc. But then I realized that if that happens I won't die, be sick. The worst that could happen is that i'd be hurt, and get over it. Just like all other bad things that happen in life. I guess i'm just waiting for the right moment to really say what I want to say. Who knows, maybe that right moment is today.

song of the day: He could be the one by Miley Cyrus (yes I like this song, yes i'm over 8 years old, and yes I don't care if I'm not "cool" for listening to it"

quote of the day: I will never be your first kiss. i will never be your first love. im not your first valentine, first fight, first teddy bear, or first date. im not in this to be your first anything...i just want to be your last

"I lost my mind somewhere out there stranded"

2011-01-07T23:01:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!
I hope you all are doing great. I heard a story and I just had to tell you all about it. It's about Lil Wayne, Weezy or whatever you want to call him. He's the guy who's the face of you g money and the rapper who sold a the mist albums in a week before Taylor Swifts Speak Now album. I listen to his songs occasionally but I definatly woulden't call myself a die hard fan. I recently saw his interview with Katie Couric and was really impressed by him. He seemed like an intelligent young man who cares about his family very much. That was before I read the following:

We wrote it off as just a lyric when Lil Wayne said “Beautiful black woman, I bet that b*tch look better red” in his new song “Right Above.” But could the father of this beautiful brown-skinned girl really be color struck?

According to one of our readers, the answer is a hardy yes. Destiny, who describes herself as dark-skinned, says that derogatory statements made during a recent encounter with Wayne and his Young Money lackeys left her determined never to support the rapper again.:

We met up with Mack Maine from Young Money, he then took us to a hotel a couple of other girls were there and so was Lil Wayne, Guda Guda, Lil Chuckee, and Birdman. When we entered the room Guda was like “Damn, y’all pretty, to be dark skin.” And then Wayne quoted a verse from his song ["Right Above"]. I heard the song before and I was offended when I heard the lyrics, but I brushed my feelings off and forgot about what the gremlin said. But him saying it over again made me angry as hell. So me being the outspoken person that I am, I said, “Wayne, your daughter is dark skin so why would you say such ignorance?” He said ‘My daughter is a dark skinned millionaire, that’s the difference between her and you.”

I can tell he was very upset because i bought his daughter up but that is no excuse for what he said. Next he stated, “MY daughter is the first and last dark skin child I’m having. The rest of my baby moms [are] light skinned chicks. I even got an Asian baby moms to make sure I have a daughter with good hair. Too bad we had a son.”

Everybody started laughing and [we] stormed out of the room. Some guys followed us saying “Not everybody hate dark skinned girls. Young Money just allergic to Chocolate."

Well that story kind of changed my mind about him. Like with every celebrity story it didn't change my mind about his rapping abilities or his buisness men abilities but about his characters. What is it with guys and dark girls? This kind of touched me because I'm a dark skinned girl so Lil Wayne is showing hate for people like me. His daughter really is a beautiful dark skinned girl. I would think the comment the lady made about her would make him change his positions on the whole thing but instead he said "thats the last dark skinned child i'm having". She truley is the last he had, the rest of his babies are dark but just as cute as reginae.

Lil Wayne himself commented on twitter saying: "Rumors or as dumb as the people who believe them" "Y'all know I didn't say that shi[*]"

His duaghter Reginae said: "Okay!! @litunechi is my father I dnt kno wat this dark skin stuff about but y'all siybdubg crazy I'm not in this!! AT the end of the day I love my father no matter wat??"

You choose who to believe, here are some pics of Wayne and his kids

This is reginae, the one who was brought up in the story about being dark

This is Reginae and his oldest son, coulden't find pictures of his youngest two

Just for the record theres no doubt that lil wayne loves his daughter, even though shes dark and loves his kids all the same. Its just about his taste. And its not wrong to be attracted to a certain type of girl, just don't hurt the type that doesn't fit the description. And it really could be made up, who knows.

song of the day: Right Above it - Lil Wayne ft. Drake

Quote of the day: Rumors [are] as dumb as the people who believe them

"I'm gonna put you first/I'm gonna show your worth/If you let me inside of your world/There's gonna be one less lonely girl"

2011-01-03T18:49:00.000-08:00

Hey!
So I love to be the one to bring you your celebrity news first but yesterday I got caught up in a little something I like to call sleep and didn't catch what was a trending topic on twitter for the rest of the day. AT 2:52 a.m. yesterday some pictures appeared on some website called Just Jared. Guess who they were of. Justin Bieber and...Selena Gomez. I know, I know you guys don't want to hear about teen stars, but i'll get to the adult celeb drama soon. The pictures were pretty romantic and a little bit pg-13 if you know what I mean (love how that rhymed). Justin and Selena spent the whole month of December talking about how their just friends. Justin B. is 16 years old and Selena is 18. This would be an illegal relationship. I personally think thats why their keeping it on the down low. That and a million girls were weeping on twitter. If you were one of the weeping ones I say, when you really love someone you want them to be happy. If Selena is what makes justin happy, then let him have her. The pictures were removed from the website by mid afternoon, but there was one of him kissing her on the cheek, and this other one of his hand on her a**. See for yourself:

Their kind of cute together don't you think? The only issue is that he seems to young to have rented this whole house for him and his friends (rumor only, no one really knows about weather there were parents there but body guards were for sure). Theres also another rumor that Selena Gomez had a purity ring that can't be seen in the pictures above. hmm, whole house just for you and your sexy boyfriend. No purity ring. Sounds a little fishy...

For the record, if there was a trading lives machine I would totally trade with Selena just for a couple days with JB. Maybe its the bieberfever talking

That adult celeb gossip I promised is simply a rumor. I don't believe it but a lot of people do. As most of us know now 2010's sexiest man alive: Ryan Renolds has broken up with his wife Scarlet Johansen. A lot of people speculated that it had something to do with an affair. With whom you ask? Sandra Bullock. Do you believe it?

song of the day: One Less Lonely Girl by Justin Bieber

quote of the day:Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it. - Benjamin Franklin

"This is the first Ive seen your face but theres a chance we are soulmates/I know it sounds crazy cuz you don't know my name/we can't tell the future"

2011-01-01T16:54:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!
Do you remember the first time you were ever teased? I don't,it must have been forever ago when I was still a little girl. You know whats weird about me not remembering? I remember everything, down to the outfit I wore at the moment sometimes. But I never, ever remember the bad moments. I think this is normal, because people tend to block "tramatic" moments in their lives out so as not to have to relive them. Its definatly a good thing because imagine if you had to carry every negative thing someones said to you with you everywhere you go. But do you remember your mistakes? I really hope your answer to that question is yes, not because your mistakes are something you should be proud of, but because forgetting them means theres a chance you'll make them again. We all probably made our share of mistakes in 2010. Some of them may have been as huge as theft or abusing someone and some of them may be a little as walking by someone without saying excuse me. But these mistakes are worth remembering so we won't make them again in 2011 and suffer throuh the consequences.

Sometimes the reason we keep making mistakes is we don't want to believe the original results. I don't know about you, but I live in la la land. I'm always off into space imagining everything, and how cool it would be if this or this happened. Its just the way I am and the way I've always been. I like to dream big and escape my world through creating these fantasies and stories. Or dreaming up ideas for the blog and stuff. But sometimes living in la la land means me missing serious stuff from reality land. Not reality t.v. land even though I love escaping into that one too but reality reality. The real, and sometimes hard things that happen in life. And I forget that life can't always be as easy and happy as it is in all my stories and day dreams. So for this reason, I think before we all go on starting a new year and a new lifestyle we should think over the mistakes we made over the last year in order to avoid them this year.

But when we remember these mistakes, they shoulden't bring us down about taking risks. A risk gone wrong (as long as its not something crazy like jumping off a bridge, or swimming with sharks. I'm thinking more telling people how you feel or taking a crazy unplanned vacation),is better then having sat around at home wishing that you would have given it a try. Don't you think so? Because at least you know that this is the result and you can close the book instead of always being stuck thinking what if.

song of the day: What if by Jason Derulo

quote of the day:
"It's impossible," said pride.
"It's risky," said experience.
"It's pointless," said reason.
"Give it a try," said heart

"we should not just celebrate the end of a year and the begining of a new one, we should celebrate the end of every day knowing we made someone happy and start the next one hoping we can do it again... "

these are both from boardofwisdom.com

"I'd catch a grenade for you/Throw my hand in a blade for you/I'd jump in front of a train for you/I'd do anything for you (yeah yeah yeah)"

2011-01-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

Hello My Lovely Followers!
Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy New Years! Goodbye 2010 and hello 2011. Its a new year, and we are all free to start with a clean slate. I didn't realize how ready I was for a fresh start at life until 12:00 finally hit and the weight of the world just escaped my shoulders. I was totally free to start a new. It sounds cheesy but I really felt relieved. This year I want to really live. This whole wanting to feel alive thing started with an episode of gossip girl for me. This women talked about how few moments people really feel alive and on top the world. Really feel good and glad to be on this planet. This year I don't want to go through days of the week numb. I want to go through everything with a posative outlook. State my opinions when they need to be stated and say what I feel. 2010 I held so much in, I didn't say what I wanted to say, and I struggled to say hey, I need you.

We live in a busy world where life is 24/7 now with the blackberry always buzzing. This year I want to be less in the electronic world and more in my own. The time I waste on my iphone is pretty crazy, but theres always so much to do. Its like the perfect little device to help you live through other people with sites like Facebook and Twitter. I'm still going to use all those websites but way less. Thats one of my goals for this year. I also want to have some good meaningful conversations this year. I like to talk and speak my mind but I don't really ever have the right oppurtunities. With my family yes, but I want to talk more to friends and feel a closness to more people. I want to feel less alone. I also want to work towards a level of sucsess weather it be with my book, or my music. I love writting and I need to find time every day to do it. I have a new book idea for 2011 based off of this crazy dream I had. I'd like to complete both these books this year. I also want to make some cool songs where I get my points and feelings across. I want to dive into my music and make it a higher priority in my life.

These are just a few things I have in mind for the new year and i'll keep you updated as I discover new interests and make new goals or resolutions for myself. This is the first of many blogs that I hope to write this year. This is something else I want to dive back into. I want to do more blogging series as well as just random blogs. I'd also like to do more inspirational blogs, books, and songs. The world is cold and mean enough as it is, no need to add more negativity to it. Right now its 1/1/11. It will never be this day again, carpe diam! Seize the day and enjoy every moment of it. Don't foget to make a wish at 11:11, because I have a feeling that on a day of all ones theres a higher chance of the wish coming true.

I hope you all have a very Happy New Year filled with love, joy, and hapiness. We all have the potential to reach greatness and lets let 2011 be the year that we do :)

song of the day: Grenade by Bruno Mars: I wanted to pick the first song of 2011 with terrible consideration but every time I tried to think the lyrics "Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?" poped into my head. So I figured it was meant to me. For the girl readers, lets use this song to inspire us to find a guy who would catch a grenade for us. For those who don't know a grenade is like a small bomb.

quote of the day: 1/1/11 this is the year of 1. With love and sacrifice let's find our unity. Celebrate our differences and embrace our similarities. #Weare1 - Ashton Kutcher, the first tweet I favorited in 2011

"In New York/Concrete Jungle where dreams are made of/Theres nothing you can't do/Now your in NEW YORK"

2010-12-31T13:57:00.000-08:00

Top 10 moments in 2010:
1. Going to New York and the other places in the northeast with the family. I had too much fun on the whole vacation and getting to see my family especially my cousins. I love to travel so it was a super time

2. Going to Seattle and seeing the other side of my family. Especially going to the top of the space needle and recording my song Over and Over Again. I had too much fun there

3. Going to the TAYLOR SWIFT concert! Shes my second favorite muscician of all time second only to Michael Jackson and I enjoyed it a lot. She sang all my favorite songs, it was sureal to be in her presnce. The aura in the place was spectacular. It was just an all time great exprienace shared with my mama and good friend A.

4. Meeting Trey Songz!! That was an epic sqoon, I got to lock eyes with the sexiest man alive. Not only did I get an autograph but I got to see him in person and speak to him. Ahh, still can't believe that happened.

5. OMG concert with O. and S. That was a really good and fun time. The concert was phenominal because i've been listening to usher since I was a baby and like I said Trey songz is the sexiest man alive so the combo was just amazingg!

6. The Monster ball tour with my mama. Lady Gaga is just a really great crazy wild artist. She brings out the little monster in you and helps you realize that being diffrent is what makes you so special. Plus she had a huge awesome voice and you can jamm out to like all her songs.

7. B.o.b. concert here in town, especially when he sang Magic. For some reason that was just a really great moment for me. Me and my cousin listening to all these really good songs and seeing him have so much talent. It seemed like there was nothing he coulden't do.

8. My Sweet sixteen! I had a really great time celebrating my birthday with family and then sharing it with my friends. It was what I always imagined for my sixteenth and all my closest friends were able to come making it phenomenal

9. Christmas is always a fun time for me, because we have a party every year where we get to see family, my numero uno amiga, and cute african boys :) But I also just like celebrating Jesus, the christmas tree, and all the fabulous christmas carols

10. Every moment spent with my loved ones. I know its like I'm cheating by not picking a single event but I really just enjoyed every second I spent in 2010 with the people I love.

"I don't wannna be anything other then what i've been trying to be latley" One Tree Hill theme song :)

2010-12-29T17:45:00.000-08:00

If you could have guessed from the title of this blog I'm going to tell you about what I think of the top 10 television shows of 2010. My opinion, not the worlds, but you should check these shows out if you haven't already. Spoler Alert (I may give away some details so close your eyes on some of these if your behind)

1. Gossip girl: I've loved this since it was a book series but the show took it in a totally different amazing direction. I love this show becuase of the true on and off crazy whirlwind romance between Chuck and Blair. I really enjoined Serena finally having to decide between Nate and Dan. Vanessa, Jenny, Juliette, and that weird european girl all just need to go because they ruined my perfect moments from this season. I'm a gossip girl addict though. (comes on Mon. on the CW at 8)

2. One Tree Hill: Sometimes I wonder if this show will ever stop teaching me these fantastic life lessons. I'm not just talking about this season I'm talking about all of them. The characters storylines were very good this year and they made me want to scream so many times in the directions they took things but hte good thing about One Tree Hill is you ALWAYS get your happy ending. (comes on tuesdays on the CW at 7)

3. The Secret Life of the American Teenager: This is a really good show and unlike most shows the storyline gets better every season. It takes you into the life of your average american teenager with some not so average problems. You sympathisize with Amy trying to raise a child on her own, You fall in love with the bad boy character of Ricky even though you know you shoulden't, You see that everyone makes mistakes through Ben and Adrianne and Their little oopsie daisy this season.
Its just a great show and for the record i'm on team Amy and Ricky

4. Keeping up With the Kardashians: Reality T.V. has really hit it big in the buisness but this family is my absolute favorite. How can you not like the family dynamic between Kim, Kourtney, Khloe', Rob, the little girls, Kris and Bruce. Scotts crazy actions make you sad and feel sympathetic. Kims romantic adventures make you realize that everyones looking for love. Khloe is the comic relief. And everyone else just makes the show greater. I love it!

5. Glee: This is a sensational show. You get Drama, singing, dancing, and the most unique of characters. Too many to describe indivisually so just know, I can't get enough of it!

6. Modern Family: This is the funniest show on television. I'm not even joking. Modern family is about a modern family. You've got 3 semi familys all connected through their father. Two "regular" parents trying to deal with two crazy teenage daughters and a weird son, A gay couple and their adopted child from vietnam figuring it all out, An old man with a young columbian women and his step son Manny all coming together to be a family. And make the world die of laughter

7. Pretty Little Liars: I really liked this as a book series, and it was fun watching it come to life. The story line is great and just filled with twists and turns. It made American fall in love with mystery all over again

8. Tori and Dean home Sweet Hollywood: Tori and Dean are the worlds cutest couple with really adorable children. Its fun to watch them go through the ups and downs on their daily lives and see how things turn out for them every week. It's pretty funny too

9. Tean Mom: This show is what you call a guilty pleasure. The four moms in this show are just trying to figure out how to deal with their mistakes and keep you pretty entertained. You see some of the rough moments of parenthood, you get the romantic aspects, and You get to watch Amber beat her boyfriend Gary which is hilarious every time. MTV did good with this one

10. Kendra: Kendra was a girl famous for being a playmate and Hugh Hefners girlfriend for many years. Shes a really cool down to earth lady who provides non stop laughter with the help of her Husband Hank Basket ( a football player), her baby Hank, and her friends

I know I said, I was only doing 10 but I have to give one honerable meantion: Tiny and Toya. I love this show! Tiny and Toya are both really cool sucsessful ladies and I enjoy watching them on BET. Their kids are part of a group called the OMG girlz who are pretty cool too. Its a great show

"I don't know what to say/its a twist of fate when it all broke down/The story of us seems a lot like a tragedy now/Next Chapter"

2010-12-29T16:58:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Its time for me to share my 2011 favorite songs. This was a fantastic year for music. I fell in love with so many songs. I'm going to give you my top 25 (if I can lower it to such few)

1. SPEAK NOW - Taylor Swifts: brand new albums, all the songs tied for first place :) This album expressed so many feelings that I've felt and connected with me so deeply. Every song made me want to sing along and reminded me why Taylor Swift is one of my favorite singers in the whole world, if not my absolute favorite

2. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry: You have no idea how many times I sang along to this song in the car on my way back from school. It was my jam, such a fun song and kept me waiting for my teenage dream to finally come true just like katy's did

3. Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars: Bruno mars was on fire this year. He came out with all these great hit but this one touched me right smack dab in the middle of my heart. He seemed like the worlds sweetest guys, he wrote great lyrics

4. Airplanes - B.o.b: Who didn't have their status as "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars I could really use a wish right now" at least once this year. Everyone could use a wish but B.o.b put it in a song for us

5. OMG - Usher : Usher reminded us who the king of our generation is with this hit. It kicked but and made me dance like theres no tommorow too many times. It was hands down the best song off his whole album and I loved it.

6. Hey, Soul Sister - Train: This was a song that was really needed for a sunny summer afternoon. It makes you smile on the inside and is a totally amazing song from 2010

7 and 8 Not Afraid, Love the Way You Lie - Eminem: Eminem came back this year, and he came back on top. His album recovery was filled with all these great songs that you couldn't help but rap along too and jam out too. These songs both stayed number one for so long, and rihanna had a great part in love the way you lie.

9. Only Girl (in the world) : speaking of rihanna, she came up with this kick but song for girls all over the world to agree with. Who doesn't want their man to make them feel like the only girl in the world. Loud was a really good album this year.

10. Need You Now - Lady Antebellum : "Picture perfect memories..." This was a country jam that hit number one. First of all that is a huge deal. Countrey like rap, is a genre that isn't as highly appriciated like pop and hip hop so country songs making number one and staying on top all summer long is crazzy. But its a good song, deserved to stay on top

11. Find Your Love - Drake : Drake took off this year and became a household name. Hes a super handsome canadian boy that people started loving back when he was on Degrassi. This song had an awesome beat and Drake did great on this. #youngmoney

12. Got You Back - T.I. ft. Keri Hilson : T.I. got out of jail and did some useful things like write this song about Tiny while he was in the big house. This song just got stuck in my head a lot and I had a lot of fun singing it and trying to play it on every instrument i could.

13. California Girls - Katy Perry : It was summer, and everyone was wearing bright colors and hanging out by the beach. Especially, the california gurls. But this summer everyone got to be a california girl or at least have fun singing the song.

14. Just A Dream - Nelly : I've always liked Nelly. I was a second grader singing, "Its getting in here, so take off all your clothes my its getting so hot...". He dissapeared for awhile but he finally took the band aid of his cheek and got to work with a fabulous song.

15. We are the World 25 - EVERYBODY: When I say everybody I really mean everybody, Justin bieber, Jennifer Hudson, Celine Dion and some of the other great voices of our generation all got together to make us a remake of a fantastic song. It turned out great, I loved the new rap part added too it and it was cool.

16. Waka Waka (This time for Africa) - Shakira: Yes, I am African so this song was near and dear to my heart. It was exciting that the world cup was in Africa for the first time EVER and Shakira made a song for that excitment. The african beats were killer and it made me dance along every time, plus its great for working out. Its guarenteed to make you move faster on that treadmill

17. Pray - Justin Bieber : I'm not just saying this because I have an extreme case of bieber fever and in love with the boy, this is a good and inspirational song. He created the modern day Man in The Mirror at only 16. The proceeds from this song not only went to the pencils of promise foundation but Justin built over 100 schools off his acousitic album. I loved somebody to love and baby but this song touched a very many teenage hearts in america in a whole other way.

18. What's My Name - Rihanna ft. Drake : Both of these fabulous artists have made the list before but this is my song. Its the latest song that I can't stop listening too.

19. I Like It - Enrique Iglasias: This year was an introduction to a brand new Enrique Iglasias. He no longer is the romantic guy that brought Hero to us. He was the sexy guy with a mexican accent giving those who are 18 and over songs to rock their body too in the club. And guess what? I liked it. :)

20. Forget you - Cee Lo Green : This song took off too fast for me to realize what it was. When it came out as F*ck You, I was like great another guy saying cuss words all the time. Nothing against people who cuss but when I hear the songs with the F bomb in it it just makes the word come to mind in a bad situation and I'd rather not say that. When they came out with the clean version I listened to it and loved its jazzy feel. It was a good one.

21. Can't Be Friends - Trey songz : Trey dropped Pain, Plessue, Passion this year and it was enough to make me fall head over heals in love with the guy. This is a fantastic song, almost as fantastic as how great he looks with his shirt off. I've seen it with my own eyes, WOW! But hes a good musician and all though this song didn't make it big on the charts I like it

22. Magic - B.o.b. This was a really fun and upbeat song. I really enjoyed it and being five feet away from him made me life so it was really cool. And I liked the song even more after hearing it live

23. Your Love is My Drug - Kesha : Kesha's music is just so much fun. "Maybe I need some rehab or maybe just need some sleep". She wrote a love song like no other and worded it her own crazy way. Love her music and how upbeat it is.

24. Your Love - Nicki Minaj : Young money was doing really good this year and although I didn't think I would at first I came to like Nicki Minaj. She had a pretty great album and Your love was her first release from it. I really liked it, she one of the first really good female rappers I've actually enjoyed listening too. Can't wait to hear what she'll come out with in the future

25. Hold My Hand - Michael Jackson & Akon : This is such a great track, I would put it higher but i've only listened it to a couple times so far and it released towards the end of the year. The King of Pop shows that he can sell an album without any kind of promotion, since hes no longer with us. The vocals are really good and the song has a posative, and uplifting message

These were my top 25 songs of 2010. Honerable Mention: Lady Gaga's the fame monster was too awesome this year but the release date was acutally the end of 2009 so I coulden't add any of her hits to my list. Thats the only reason their not on here. Tik Tok was also really big this year but that single dropped decemeber. Jason Derulo and Iyaz are really great artists and if I had made this a top 30 songs they would have hands down mand me list

song of the day: The story of us - Taylor Swift

"Its alright just wait and see/Your string of lights is still bright to me/Who you are is not where you've been/Your still an innocent"

2010-12-29T16:23:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone!
I'm about to tell you what you already know. 2010 is coming to an end. We only have a few days of this year left. Can you believe how fast it went? It totally sped by for me. I had a lot of resolutions last year but one of my number one resolutions was to be fearless. 2009 was the year that Taylor swifts fearless album came out and she's a really good role model for me. I loved how she spoke of stepping out in your best dress and taking on the world fearless. Its pretty great stuff for me, and I did a couple times. I managed to take some risks year and try new things. This is also a big year because I never felt like a pretty girl before. I know it sounds dumb and whats coming next will sound a little vain but i'm serious. I always felt like I could be pretty, if I lost enough weight to come in around 100 on the scale, if my hair grew past my shoulders, if I didn't have such big hips and a list of other things. But this year I learned that I am pretty, and anyone who doesn't think I am can kiss. my. fat. ass (as tyra banks put it). This is how I am and whoever doesn't love that can deal because I love it and thats all tha matters right?

That was a pretty big thing for me to finally come to like me. I never hated myself but I didn't love myself either. But 2010 was the year that that changed. I still have some self confidence issues but i'm getting better. This year, I tried to stop myself from liking a boy. Not just any boy but the one i've been caught up on this whole time. The boy who popped out of no where with his cute brown eyes, and amazing smile and turned my whole world upside down by saying less then a hundred words or so. Yes, hes magic. I tried to stop myself from having feelings for him because I thought that maybe I wasn't good enough for someone so amazing. Maybe I deserved someone more "my level". Then I realized that I deserve the best, just like everyone else. And the best for me, the one who I thought had the capability to make me happy for the rest of my life (if he wanted) was this one boy. The one i'm glad I hung unto because what exatly is this world without hope?

I've also had some sucsess this year, in my hobbys and talents. I took my piano playing skils to a whole nother level when I mastered a mozart sonata. It was something to really be proud of. I got a highest honors ribbon in the competition I entered and it felt good :) I really improved on my music. I wrote some pretty awesome songs from the bottom of my heart. I got to record in my uncles studio and it was awesome because he put background to my voice and I had a hit in my hands. I'm really proud of that song because when I was bored with a piece of paper in my hand that first time i tried to write I never thought that the vision in my head would able to come out in a song. And when I felt something, like sadness in Over and Over again I was able to turn it into something fabulous. I started writting and completed my first book, Mary and Amir and started writting the sequal too it. I sort of improved on my guitar playing abilities and learned some new notes, I plan on getting further at this in 2011. These are just a few of the things that I'm proud for acomplishing this year, and that made this year worthwhile. I may just miss 2010 :)

song of the day: Innocent by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: I'm not pushing you away, I'm holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back - Brooke Davis (one tree hill season 3 finale)

"I'm trying not to tell you but I want too/I'm scared of what you'll say/So I'm hiding what i'm feeling/But I'm tired of holding this inside my head"

2010-12-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

title continued: I've been spending all my time just thinking of you I don't know what to do I think i'm fallin for you....

Hello guys,
This blog goes out to the lovesick. I know theres a lot of you out there. Some of you may have beiberfever (totally guilty) and others of you may have just found something extraordinary in that ordinary boy next door or a few miles away. Something that shines through that boy or girl. Maybe his smile is contagious. And his laugh makes you laugh. And he'll say the simplest words or sentences but you absolutley can't stop thinking about them. Its weird being lovesick. You end up twatching (love my new word? Learned it yesturday, it means like a twitter stocking) and fbstaking and wondering why the girl who wrote on his wall has to be so pretty or weather or not he was thinking of you when he wrote #nowplaying (fill in awesome romantic song here). This my friends is being lovesick. Those of you that are brave are probably texting them all the time or on the phone with that significant other all the time. I'm not. Its weird, because I just can't ever say what I need too.

In One Tree Hill (FAVORITE SHOW), Brooke Davis wrote Lucas Scott (the object of her affection a.k.a the devishly handsome chad michael murray) a letter every day. She never sent them though. Why didn't she? Because she was scared. But one day she finally had the guts to hand him a box filled with them letters that told him exactly how she feels. And he read them, each and every one. Now in a modern day senerio, those of you with beieber fever can't really tell justin how you feel. So this one doesn't apply to you all, but I believe he reads the tweets so try that method. Now those of you who like have a non-celebrity crush on a modern day prince, it realy sucks that now when a girl trys to tell a guy how she feels in the most romantic of ways he thinks she being pathetic, or force full, pushy, or just weird.

Am I right or wrong? Times have changed but I get the urge to write these kind of letters sometime. In a way I write them on here, I share them with all of you and maybe even him. Thats the funny thing about the internet, you never know exactly whose reading what. For some reason I don't worrry about putting anything on here. I'm totally comfortable with it. I need to reach this level of comfort when it comes to expressing my feelings. But I swear my extrodinary boy never really gives me the chance, which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. Can you believe after my whole blogs long life of writting about the same boy I still don't even know if he likes me? I've had this lovesickness for a long time and I would love to know that it wasn't wasted on someone whose not even in to me. I'm lost and confused, but I do no that I feel something. Something I haven't felt with any other boy. Why do I feel this way? I don't know I just do. If only I was like brooke davis and could put this feeling in words and send it in hopes of finding out. But I'm not brooke, letters get lost in the mail but face to face you get an answer. I need to figure something out, I'll keep you posted.

Song of the day: Fallin' For You by Colbie Calliet

quote of the day: Nothings Impossible, the word itself says I'm Possible! (saw that on a bumper sticker and adored it today)

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

2010-12-24T09:52:00.000-08:00

Tommorow's Christmas everyone! I am pretty excited but it totally snuck up on me this year. I speant the first part of the month thinking about formal. After formal I was thinking about my birthday. After my birthday I was thinking about formal. And then after formal I was thinking about finals. that left virtually no time for me to think or remember that christmas is coming. I don't love Christmas because of the presents or the food although I enjoy both. I like Christmas because Jesus Christ was born. You know that its rare to hear people even say Jesus when talking about Christmas? Why do we celelbrate, by we I mean people of the Christmas faith. We celelbrate because a savior was born to take our sins and set us free. Free from what? Free from the evils of the world, and the pain that this place gives us everyday. Through Jesus, we are all able to be the perosn we always knew we could be. So thats what I celelbrate on Christmas.

We have some Christmas traditions in our family. Every year we have a huge party with the African Community and we all have fun, hang out, have dinner together. It goes pretty well every year and its a lot of fun. I hope this year is the same. I actually didn't buy any Christmas presents this year. Before I come off looking like a bad person, everything by brother had wanted my parenst provided. My mom and Dad wanted a nice flat screen tv and they bought that for themselves over Thanksgiving break. So there was really nothing left to give. I don't really do gifts for my friends, because I guess thats just not our thing. We did that one year but I ended up loosing a lot more money then I should have and getting the cheapest gift. That sounds bad, but its true, thats why I'm not a fan of the whole secret santa thing without a price limit so everyone gets something equal. But like I said its not about the gifts.

Another really good part of Christmas is....The Music!!! Here are my favorite carols

1. All I want for Christmas is You - by Mariah Carey
2. Let it Snow
3. Joy to the World
4. The First Noel
5. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Yolanda Adams version
6. The Little Drummer Boy -Yolanda Adams
7. O night Divine - Mariah Carey

My Favorite Christmas Movies:
The Santa Clause 1, 2, & 3
Four Christmases (laugh out loud funny movie)
The Nativity Story (really portrays the true meanng of Cristmas)

Those are the songs I'll be jamming out too all weekend long. And those are the movies I hope to find time to watch.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Spend the holiday with your families weather your celebrating this year or not. Its a nice day where a lot of the distractions are closed and we can all just appriciate our friends and family and share some quality time with them.

"I really can't stay/But Baby its cold outside/I got to go away but Baby its cold outside/This evening has been/been hoping you'd drop by"

2010-12-24T09:42:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone!
I am so sorry its been so long. Is it safe to say December is a really busy month for a lot of people? I ended the year with a bang, I had my birthday party and am now sixtenn, yay! I did pretty decent in my finals...not physics....but I still got all A's and one B. I was dissapointed in the B but life goes on, I tired my best. My birthday was smaller then expected, there were about 8 of us. I was hoping for 10 but a lot of my friends coulden't come and I don't really have many close friends. Its sad really. But anyways the 8 of us took a limo ride around town and took a ton of awesome pictures. Afterwords we went to the hotel we would have a slumber party at, swam in the pool and hot tub. Then we went to see How Do You know which is a really good movie and we ended with heart to hearts. It was nice I just really didn't feel like I had much to say. I don't know why, I should have but I didn't. Our friend group is in the procsess of repair so we're trying to figure everything out. I guess we just need to know how we fit together.

I do hope we figure it out because it seems like latley I have no one to really talk too. I mean my cousin moved in so thats a good person to tell everything too. I also have my bestie from a diffrent city thats always around to listen bu it would be nice to know that there are more people you can count on you know? And I know I can count on my friends indivisually I have a good relationship with most of them, but I mean as a big group. Like I would like to be able to act the same as I do with indivisual friends when we're all together. But we live and we learn and we grow.

Enough about my personal life, and more about...my personal life. So I'm desperate for fame now. Not in the weird wahy I just love famous people and the hollywood lifestyle and I feel like I a bound for sucsess. I'm kind of shy at school but at home I am completly the oppisitie. I talk too much and am always saying what I'm thinking and stuff. I'm just not that comfortable at school because people are judmental and all about your apperence. Its a shallow place to be. But forget school cause I'm on break and FREE! Yay!!!!!

Plus its Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas everyone! (I promise to wish you a merry christmas again and again)

song of the day: Baby its Cold outside

quote of the day: Be the Change you wish to see in the world

"Because I've been there before & you've been there before, but together we can be alright/Nothing can come between us if you hold my hand"

2010-12-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone!
How are you all? I'm really good because my hair is curly today. I like when my hair is curly. I need to curl it more often. Remember the event i've been talking about for what seems like forever? Well it was yesturday. Winter formal at my school. It was alright, yes just alright. I have a problem of making things seems like the biggest deal and getting super excited about them and then they don't live up to my expectations. I've had this problem forever, but I can't not just be excited about stuff. My nature is just always excited, nervous, or bored. Anyways enough about me and more about formal.

The them was a night in Burbon street. Burbon street is in New Orleans and its the street famous for doing the mardi gras parades, and you know home of the saints our last superbowl champians. It was pretty cool. They had nice christams clear lights and these cool old fashioned street lamps everywhere. There were a decent amount of people there. Everyone dressed up. My dress was strapless, pink on top, black on botton with a black bow on the side. The bottom of the dress bunches up and I liked it. It was formal and fit the occasion. The night before I went to do facials and makeup tips with my girl scout troup. We also did nails there, I got the most amazing color from forever 21. Its pink and sparkly amazingness. I woke up early saturday to get my hair done. It took quite the longest time. I got curls and layered my hair a bit. I also have some side bangs. It was cool. I had a lot of time to kill so I caught up on the two glee episodes I missed due to concerts (orchestra and choir). They were awesoeme AND they did a christmas episode which was extra sepcial.

After wasting time I got ready, took pictures and headed to applebees. With what was suposed to be 6 of my friends but ended up being 7. We had a good time and the food was delicious. After that we all rode together to formal and blood was pumping with excitment. It took about 1 hour for people to actually start dancing which is about out of the norm. The DJ was playing really bad songs, I'm talking old. Like sorry miss jackson from back in 2004. It continued on that way till like the last 20 minutes where she started playing some katy perry, lady gaga, and kesha. At least you could dance to those songs. Then I went without a date, by choice you can say because I didn't try to ask anyone. It just makes the slow songs all depressing and stuff. But the DJ did know a thing or two about slow jamz, of course the oldies kinds cause the guy was so old. But he played Endless Love by Diana Ross and Luther Vandross which was cool. If I had to rate the dance I would give it a 6. I had a decent time, more fun then if i'd chosen to just watch modern family or something but not a spectacular time like I had last time.

After the dance we went to a good friend of mines house because it was her birthday. She totally got sung too by the waiters at applebees which was cool. After the dance we all went over to her house and played some fun games and just chilled. Watched the proposal but I fell asleep. I was too tired. I had to leave early for church today but I had a good time. She knows how to throw a good party. Church was great today but this blog is getting too long so i'll spare you the details. After church I went to a congregation members house and checked out this awesome electric train he had. It took up the whole basment and he was super artistic about the whole thing and it was cool. A nice was to spend a sunday afternoon. well as always, thank you so much for reading!

Song of the day: Whats my name Rihanna ft. Drake, I REALLY wanted that song to be played but the dumb DJ didn't take requests :( Another song I liked which is the blog title today is firework by katy perry. But the real song of the day is the amazing HOLD MY HAND BY AKON AND MICHAEL JACKSON (his new album drops dec. 14)

oh and about music: did anyone check out TI's new album? Haven't gotten to it yet.

quote of the day: "We do not remember days, we remember moments."

"I don't want another pretty face/I don't want just anyone to hold/I don't want my love to go to waste/I want you and your beautiful soul"

2010-12-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

Hey,
Beautiful soul by Jesse McCartney is a really good song. Just saying, and yes this proves that i've been falling for blond teen stars even before Justin Bieber. I go all the way back to the Aaron Carter days :) Anyways I've been thinking about this song a lot today and wanted to post it. It seems like everyones looking for a pretty victoria secrets fashion show type now. And no ones actually looking for someone they can connect with. Its sad what the worlds come too. Winter formals coming up and its mating season (for humans) and what it means is everyone is with someone else. People are all lovey dovey all the time and it can make a girl feel pretty lonley.

So last blog, I talked about my fear. And it really came to play yesturday but I have a story to lead up to this story first. Yesturday America lost a very great, democratic women. Elizabeth Edwards. She was 61 years old. Most people know her as the wife of John Edwards. She died from best cancer. She struggled with cancer on and off for the last 6 years. It was really sad, almost made me cry. She left behind 3 kids. One child in her twenties and two little kids. One thats twelve and one thats ten. Thats the saddest part for me. That three kids were left motherless. Yes, John Edwards is the politician that had an affair with Rielle Hunter (a younger woman) and fatherd a child with her. If you ask my mom she'll tell you that thats what killed poor Elizabeth Edwards. She was such a fighter and such a surviver. But he broke her down. The poor lady was heart broken , and the heart is what keeps us alive. Who knows if its true or not but I was thinking a lot of Elizabeth Edwards.

I coulden't even fall asleep because I was thinking about time and how theres not much left. Elizabeth Edwards was fine two days ago living life and now shes gone. It made me think of the one think I wanted to do. Something I needed to know. So I took this risk and didn't consult anyone I just did it. For some reason I think the person it involves is reading this. I wanted an answer, I saw it, and you confuzed me by taking it away. Thats really all I have to say on the subject but it felt good that the fear was gone. And it felt good to get some sort of answer. I know I just sound confuzing but i'm a little lost on the whole thing myself. Sorry this was so random but just know that last night for only a minute I pushed the fear of the unknown away.

song of the day: Beautiful Soul by Jessie McCartney

quote of the day: "The day you actually start to care could be the day I have someone who you couldnt dare to be, someone there for me. The chance you could have to ever be with me. " from board of wisdom, matched with how I was feeling

"I don't know why but with you i'd dance in a storm in my best dress fearless" - Taylor Swift

2010-12-06T16:01:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone!
I realized something, somewhere along the line I stopped dreaming big. It really sucks dosen't it? I don't know when it was that my dreams ended and I created some fake "reality" but it was a bad day in my life. Yesturday night, I was watching 60 minutes with the family and saw the story about the guy who invented facebook (don't worry it connects with the original topic). I listened to his story and he was talking about how all he had was an idea and hope and he built an industry worth between 35-40 billion dollars. Yes, I said billion. That is a lot of money. He stuck to his guts the whole time and did what he felt was right. In '06 yahoo offered him 1 billion dollars for the company. He had a feeling it wasen't worth it and everyone said he was an idiot. Well, he wasen't. The company continued to grow and he owns every penny of it. I was super impressed. It made me start to think about my dreams and my ideas and what I want out of life. Then I realized that I let them all go somewhere along the line and started thinking of what was practical and doing things based on what would be sure to happen. I quit taking risks.

Then last night, I had a dream. The dream was pretty weird. My family, a friend, and prince were all in it. And we were all obbsessed with this wedding, in the dream weddings were like movies. People had posters of the legendary ones. It was weird, but its because I watch a lot of weddings for those of you who don't know. Anyways in the dream I was scared to talk to prince. Its a dream, you're supposed to be fearless and I was scared. Like I could feel fear. And I had walked up to him with something to say and then I ended up saying something dumb (yes I was aware that it was dumb in the dream) and he replied and I felt really embarassed afterward. Do other people have dreams like that? Dreams where they are nervous and scared. When other people dream their superheros and all this cool stuff but I dream about being scared. Not of death, or lord voldemort, but scared of a boy. Not because hes like edward cullen and can suck my blood out but because hes a cute boy. I felt pathetic when I woke up. I still do feel pathetic. But I don't know how to get rid of my fear. I have no idea on earth how. And I want too, even if gaining it up will make me hear rejection or that I'm fugly or something. I woulden't mind hearing something bad if it came from my bravery. So I'm going to work on it.

I didn't used to be unbrave. I one brave chicka untill around either grade. I used to be the best prank caller. I would say the craziest things, the most fun time was at a sleepover with my friends and we called pizza shuttle and had the guy convinced all this stuff and he was gonna come meet us to join the "crazy party". We were 11, there was nothing crazy but I came up with a random address off the top of me head. it was awesome. I would stick up for myself all the time, and do all this stuff. Then eighth grade year or maybe 9th it just stopped. I blame it on the bully in my life. Stupid Kelly, for making me loose my faith in myself. She never hurt me or anyhting she just said one thing that stuck and hurt forever. The whole "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" is a bunch of crap. Those words still hurt, and always will. But they'll be true if I keep going through life so scared. Ahh, I'm trying to fight my fear. I really am. Thats my next life goal.

song of the day: Fearless by Taylor Swift

quote of the day: Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt be (false)